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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Big Bro Po" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
[The episode opens up with Taotie dragging an invention up the stairs on Jade Mountain, without the help of Bian Zao.]
BIAN ZAO: Dad, are we almost there?
TAOTIE: Yes, no thanks to you. [Grunts.] You could give me a hand with this, you know, Bian Zao.
[The two stop.]
BIAN ZAO: Do I have to?
TAOTIE: [Sighs.] The Oracle said I shouldn't tell you what you have to do because self-esteem can't be optimize without sufficient personal-decision latitude. However, it would be very nice of you to offer your father some help.
BIAN ZAO: But, I don't have to?
TAOTIE: Ugh, no.
[Bian Zao turns and keeps walking up the stairs, much to Taotie's dismay.]
[Some time later, Taotie arrives at the top of the stairs, where Bian Zao waits.]
BIAN ZAO: Dad, some guys are here to see you.
PO: (Eating) Hey there.
TAOTIE: Let's do this.
[Taotie puts on the Iron Claws of Doom. Monkey and Mantis attack Taotie, but Mantis is quickly hit, and Monkey is caught and flicked away. Tigress kicks Taotie and is able to dodge the Iron Claws. Tigress jumps and is caught by the tail with the Iron Claws.]
TAOTIE: [Laughs.] Behold, you are no match for my Iron Claws of Doom!
BIAN ZAO: Ugh...
[Po attacks and is able to free Tigress. Taotie uses the Iron Claws to pin Po against the Jade Palace.]
TAOTIE: And now panda...
[Taotie uses the other claw to reach toward Po, but it comes to a screeching halt and doesn't reach Po.]
TAOTIE: What?! Bian Zao, I told you to lubricate the claws!
BIAN ZAO: No, you asked me if I would do you a favor and lubricate the claws.
[Po, Tigress, Monkey, and Mantis surround Taotie.]
TAOTIE: I hate this part!
[The four beat up Taotie.
After the fight, Tigress escorts a chained Taotie away.]
TIGRESS: It's Chorh-Gom Prison for you, Taotie.
TAOTIE: That's just great!
[Monkey kicks a piece of metal into a pile of debris that was the Iron Claws. Monkey follows Tigress and Taotie.]
TAOTIE: Now I gotta go down all these stairs?!
PO: Awesome job guys. Looks like I'm gonna be early for my nap.
MANTIS: Uh, what about him.
[Bian Zao sits on the stairs with a sorrowful expression.]
PO: He didn't really do anything. You can skedaddle, junior. You're free-- to go.
BIAN ZAO: Where?
BIAN ZAO: Fine.
BIAN ZAO: Great.
[Bian Zao stands up and walks over to Po.]
BIAN ZAO: Perfect!
PO: That's what I said.
BIAN ZAO: I'm going!
BIAN ZAO: Gone!
PO: Anywhere you want.
BIAN ZAO: I'll be gone!
PO: Just go.
BIAN ZAO: Here I go.
BIAN ZAO: Oh... Whatever, dumpling boy!
[Bian Zao sits back down on the stairs. Po runs over.]
PO: You're the dumpling boy!
[That night, a storm sends rain over the Valley of Peace. Po passes through the Hall of Warriors. As he passes the front doors he looks outside and sees something stunning.]
PO: Hmm, what?
[He turns back and looks outside to see Bian Zao sitting in the rain. Po proceeds outside.]
SHIFU: The storm keeping you up too?
[Po jumps at the sudden appearance of Shifu.]
PO: Huh, no. I mean, yes. I mean, ugh, he's still out there. Taotie's kid.
SHIFU: I see. We're going down there.
PO: Sweet! Farewell, squatter.
[Shifu approaches Bian Zao. Po quickly gets an umbrella from inside the Hall of Warriors and proceeds toward Bian Zao.]
PO: Free ride's over, Bian Zao. Shifu, let 'em have it.
SHIFU: Bian Zao...
BIAN ZAO: Whatever.
SHIFU: As the master of the Jade Palace...
SHIFU: ...I invite you to come inside.
PO: Bow! You hear that, pal?! You gotta... Wha-- Come inside? I'm sorry we're doing what now?
SHIFU: We're bound by tradition, Po. His father studied with me here and while we may not accept Taotie's actions, we accept his legacy, Bian Zao.
[The scene changes. Bian Zao is eating in the Dining room in the Student Barracks under the supervision of Po and Shifu.]
PO: But, he's a bad guy! Well... bad-ish. We can't just have him walk around the Jade Palace without supervision.
SHIFU: Indeed. That's why you are in charge of him.
PO AND BIAN ZAO: What?!
[Shifu begins walking away.]
SHIFU: See what you can do. Maybe you can reform him.
BIAN ZAO: I'll try, but he's pretty hopeless.
[Po frowns toward Bian Zao.
Po takes Bian Zao into the Training Hall.]
PO: ...So, at first I was like, "Me a babysitter? I'm the Dragon Warrior, not the Baby Warrior Sitter Guy." And then I thought, "Bian Zao and I are probably about the same age." So, how old are you?
[They stop walking once they are inside the Training Hall.]
BIAN ZAO: Thirteen.
[The two continue walking.]
PO: Okay, so we're a lot... Not the same. Anyway, I say, let's make a clean start and have some fun.
BIAN ZAO: How 'bout you just put me in jail?
[Po stops walking.]
PO: First off, I'm gonna call you B.Z., 'cause it's cool and you're cool, what d'ya think, B.Z.
BIAN ZAO: Lame.
[The two continue walking.]
PO: Alrighty, so there the Hall, with the training equipment your dad built.
BIAN ZAO: Lame.
[The two enter a room in the Training Hall.]
PO: And this is where we put all your dad's machines every time we defeat him. Gettin' pretty full in here.
[They look around to see the Iron Claws of Doom and the Flying Bamboo Bird of Incalculable Retribution.]
BIAN ZAO: Lame.
[A montage begins. Po shows Bian Zao several places on the grounds.]
PO: Showers. Latrine. Kitchen.
BIAN ZAO: Lame. Lame. Lame.
[End of montage. The two are now in the Dining Room.]
PO: Is there anything you don't think is lame?!
[Bian Zao shrugs.]
PO: You know what? We're gonna find something. And if anyone knows what's un-lame, it's the Po-man. Yeah, B.Z. and the Po-man havin' fun, right? Right B.Z.? The Beez-Master. Beezy-wheezy po-por eezi.
[Po playfully pokes Bian Zao.]
BIAN ZAO: I hate you so much right now.
[Po bursts into his room.]
[Po points toward his action figures.]
BIAN ZAO: Dolls?
[Po is stunned.]
PO: They're action figures! Don't ever call them-- dolls!
[Po hands Bian Zao the Tigress action figure and uses the Shifu action figure.]
PO: Let me show you.
[Po begins making fighting sounds and hitting the Tigress action figure with his Shifu action figure.]
PO: You're not playing.
[Po continues playing.]
PO: More fun when you play.
[Po knocks Bian Zao's action figure away.
PO: I'm telling you dad, he doesn't like anything!
MR. PING: Oh, Po, you used to hate everything, but Kung Fu. However, there was one thing you showed interest in.
[Later, Po is baking for Bian Zao.]
PO: And, voila!
[Po holds a plate of cakes.]
BIAN ZAO: Baking? Like, making cookies and cakes and junk? L-A-M...
[Po shoves a cake into Bian Zao's mouth.]
BIAN ZAO: Mmm! This is pretty good!
MR. PING: Darn tootin'. Po and I loved to bake together when he was a boy. We still do, don't we? [Tickles Po.] Who's a good boy?! Who's a good boy?!
[Bian Zao turns away and gives a look of sadness.]
MR. PING: [Stops tickling Po.] Okay, son, teach him well, but don't give him the moon cake recipe, [Whispers.] family secret.
[Bian Zao walks over to the counter and picks up a cleaver.]
BIAN ZAO: So, you like, do stuff with your dad on purpose?
PO: Sure, all the time. I mean, you only get one dad.
[Po goes over to the counter and begins cutting a vegetable.]
BIAN ZAO: Does he make you go with him when he tries to conquer the world?
PO: Uh, my dad doesn't really "conquer" stuff.
BIAN ZAO: My dad spends all his time building machines and, you know, you. I just wish me and dad could hangout without, you know, trying to blow something up.
PO: Hey, your dad's got nothing but time to hangout now that he's in jail. You should go visit him! And you could bake him a cake to break the ice! Yes! Score one for the Po-man. Up high.
BIAN ZAO: Whatever.
[At Chorh-Gom Prison, a rhino guard opens Taotie's cell.]
[Bian Zao starts smiling.]
PO: Yes! And he baked you a cake!
[Bian Zao stops smiling. Po hands Bian Zao the cake as they enter the cell.]
PO: Okay, I baked it, but I'm gonna teach him how.
TAOTIE: I'm so glad to see you, son! Uh... [Turns toward Po.] Do you mind?
PO: Oh, right! You prob'ly want some private time together. You don't want some guy standing here while you're trying to...
TAOTIE: Do you mind?!
PO: I'll just go now.
[Po leaves. The two are silent for a while, only passing glances.]
TAOTIE: So, those buffoons are treating you okay at the Jade Palace?
BIAN ZAO: I guess. That lame panda wants to teach me how to bake.
TAOTIE: Ah, baking! You know, I once made a 30-foot tall mechanical cream puff that shot flaming custard out of its... Son.
BIAN ZAO: All you ever do is work, talk about work, work some more, and then figure out why your work never works. It's...
[Bian Zao calms down. Taotie brings his seat next to Bian Zao.]
TAOTIE: You're right, son. Being a half-crazed megalomaniac takes up a lot of my time. But if you help me break out of here, I promise, we'll have some decidedly, non-diabolical, us-time.
BIAN ZAO: Promise?
[Bian Zao smiles.]
TAOTIE: Now, you bake those cakes, with the panda, and sneak me the pieces of my Iron Claws of Doom, and I'll bust out of here.
BIAN ZAO: This isn't just some way you can go reek vengeance and stuff, is it?
TAOTIE: Nope, just you and me doing regular dad-son stuff. Laugh with me, son.
[Taotie begins laughing evilly. Bian Zao laughs monotonously.]
[End of Act 1]
[Bian Zao sneaks into the Training Hall to get pieces of the Iron Claws of Doom. Bian Zao encounters Tigress as he passes through the Hall of Warriors. He hides a large gear behind his back.]
TIGRESS: Hey there...you. Um, settling in okay?
BIAN ZAO: Yes sir.
[Bian Zao keeps his back turned away from Tigress and exits the Hall of Warriors.]
[Later, Po and Bian Zao are in the Noodle Shop. Po holds a bowl of batter.]
PO: So, are you ready to embark on the awesome adventure that is baking?
BIAN ZAO: Whatev-- I mean, (Unemotionally) yes, let us embark, for I am excited.
[Po begins mixing the batter.]
PO: (In a sing-song voice) We're baking, we're baking. Don't know what we're making. [Hands Bian Zao another bowl of batter.] Look, my butt is shaking while we're baking, baking, baking!
[Po puts the bowl in the oven, followed by Bian Zao.]
PO: Bian Zao, check this out!
[Po uses a pair of fire bellows as a guitar.]
PO: (Singing) Stokin' the fire! Stokin' the fire! [Scatting.] Stokin' the fire!
[Po turns toward an emotionless Bian Zao.]
PO: (Singing) Stokin' the fire! [Begins stoking the fire.] Stokin' the fire!
[Po bends down to look at the hot coals.]
[Po places a horribly misshapen pastry on the counter.]
PO: Voila! Look at that beauty. Now, don't feel bad if your's doesn't...
[Bian Zao places a flower-shaped cake in front of Po.]
PO: Wow B.Z, nice! I'm proud of you.
BIAN ZAO: You're... What?
BIAN ZAO: (Quietly) I've never heard that from my dad.
PO: I'm sorry, what?
BIAN ZAO: I'm sorry, what? Um, I said, "Lame."
[Bian Zao walks away.]
PO: (Singing) Stokin' the fire!
[Po and Bian Zao pass through the village.]
DUCK: You the panda, Po!
PO: No sir, you the duck!
[Bian Zao looks around.]
CHILD: Hi, Po.
BIAN ZAO: Hey, um, Po, when you walk around town, people don't throw stuff at you.
PO: Well why would they?
BIAN ZAO: They throw stuff at my dad.
PO: Well he does, you know, attack people with giant, evil, contraption-y machines that destroy things. Which is something that I try to avoid.
BIAN ZAO: Yeah. You know, you're not completely lame.
[As the two walk, Po suddenly freezes with surprise. He catches up to Bian Zao in excitement and places one arm around him.
A montage begins. Po and Bian Zao bake cakes. Po stirs a bowl of batter.]
PO: Stokin' the fire! Stokin' the fire! [Scatting.]
[Po slides the bowl over to Bian Zao, who secretly puts a gear in it. The bowl is then placed in the oven. Bian Zao uses a pair of bellows to stoke the fire.]
PO: (Singing) Stokin' the fire!
BIAN ZAO: (Singing) Stokin' the fire.
[At Chorh-Gom Prison, Bian Zao delivers his father a cake.
Bian Zao continues with the plan, sneaking into the Training Hall and getting another piece of the invention.
At the Noodle Shop, Po and Bian Zao make some more batter.]
BOTH: (Singing) Stokin' the fire!
[At Chorh-Gom Prison, Taotie eats a cake while working with the now many pieces of the Iron Claws.
Po and Bian Zao continue making cakes in the Noodle Shop.]
BOTH: [Singing and scatting.] Stokin' the fire!
[Over time, Po and Bian Zao continue baking cakes, and Bian Zao continues putting pieces of the Iron Claws in the cakes and delivering them to Taotie.]
BOTH: Stokin' the fire!
[The montage ends with Bian Zao delivering another cake to his father.]
TAOTIE: Son, thanks to you, one more piece, and the Iron Claws of Doom will be more powerful than ever.
[Bian Zao walks away from Taotie.]
TAOTIE: I... I'm proud of you.
[Bian Zao's eyes widen. Bian Zao smiles and approaches his father.
At the Noodle Shop Po and Bian Zao finish making another cake. Po hugs Bian Zao.]
PO: You're like the little warthog brother I never had!
BIAN ZAO: 'Cause of you, things are better with me and my dad, I mean, when he gets out of jail...
[Bian Zao has a look of horror. A 2-D animated sequence begins. Taotie uses a giant pair of Iron Claws to pummel Po. Po is left laying on a table, tied up with an apple in his mouth. Taotie holds a knife.]
TAOTIE: You carve, son. After all, this meal is all because of you!
[Bian Zao is left in shock. End of 2-D animated sequence.]
BIAN ZAO: I can't do it. I can't bring this to my dad.
[Bian Zao leaves as Mr. Ping approaches.]
MR. PING: What got up his exhaust vent?
PO: I dunno.
[Po reaches toward the cake.]
MR. PING: Uh, Po.
PO: What? I wasn't gonna eat... much.
MR. PING: Bian Zao made that for his father. What if you baked a cake for me? Would you want someone else to eat it?!
[Po thinks for a while and looks around.]
[At Chorh-Gom Prison, Taotie's cell is opened.]
TAOTIE: Son, you're finally...
[Taotie turns to see Po entering his cell.]
PO: Hey there.
[Po brings a cart with a cake on it.]
PO: Bian Zao couldn't make it.
TAOTIE: You-- brought me a cake?
PO: Is this awkward?
TAOTIE: Not at all. I have loads of archenemies who bring me baked goods.
[Po gives Taotie the cake.]
TAOTIE: At last, freedom!
[Po is confused. A rhino guard peeks in.]
TAOTIE: ...Is what eating this cake will be like a little taste of.
PO: Yeah, well, enjoy your freedom. Bye.
[Po leaves. The cell is closed.]
TAOTIE: Thanks for the cake, Dragon Warrior. What a shame, I'll be using it to obliterate you!
[In the Noodle Shop in Po's room, Bian Zao paces around before sitting on the bed and looking out the window. Just then, Po arrives.]
BIAN ZAO: Um, Po, I gotta tell you something.
PO: [Panting.] Hang on, I just walked all the way to Chorh-Gom Prison and back.
BIAN ZAO: You what?!
PO: You're dad really appreciated that cake, he said uh...
BIAN ZAO: You took the cake to my dad! Oh no. Game over, man!
PO: What's the big deal?
BIAN ZAO: That's what I gotta tell you. There was something in the cake!
[All seems calm at Chorh-Gom Prison, until the front doors burst open with a cloud of dust and rhino guards. Taotie emerges from the entrance with his newly improved Iron Claws of Doom.]
TAOTIE: Ain't no laws when you got the claws! And they are lubricated this time, baby! Lubricated!
[End of Act 2]
[Po bursts into the Training Hall.]
PO: Taotie is coming!
[The Five are shown to be training. Everyone now turns their attention toward Po.]
[Monkey swings on one of the Seven Swinging Clubs of Instant Oblivion.]
MONKEY: We put him in jail!
PO: I know, but I just brought him the last piece he needed to rebuild the Iron Claws of Doom!
SHIFU: You brought him the last... Wait, where did he get the other ones?
[Po motions toward a fearful Bian Zao.]
BIAN ZAO: I... tricked Po and smuggled the pieces in to my dad.
[The masters look at Bian Zao in disappointment.]
PO: Yeah, you did. And that was...
BIAN ZAO: Lame.
TIGRESS: Big deal, Taotie's never been able to beat us before.
BIAN ZAO: He says his Iron Claws are more powerful than ever!
SHIFU: It's possible he'll never make it here. [His ear twitches.] He's here.
[A loud shrieking sound is heard, followed by Taotie landing in the Training Hall's Courtyard with his Iron Claws equipped. Po, Shifu, the Five, and Bian Zao come out of the Training Hall.]
TAOTIE: Hello, son. Glad you could be here to witness the debut of my new, improved, super-lubricated Iron Claws of Doom. Ya' see? Continually self lubricating. Isn't it awesome?
[Po, Shifu, and the Five glare at Bian Zao.]
BIAN ZAO: Dad, you said...
TAOTIE: I know, but when we're done here, we'll go skip some rocks, and uh, play a sporting activity. Now, duck!
[Taotie fires a chain out of the Iron Claws and towards the group. The group moves in time to avoid the chain.]
TAOTIE: By the way, thanks to you all for caring for my son. Now, eat chain!
[The Five rush at Taotie, avoiding chains along the way. Taotie uses the Iron Claws to keep Crane from landing a solid hit. Viper wraps around the Iron Claws, holding them together. Taotie then throws Viper and punches Crane when he comes in to attack. He also counters Mantis' attack and hits Viper when she comes in for another attack. Taotie fires chains out of the Iron Claws, chaining Crane and Viper.]
CRANE: This is fairly undignified.
[Tigress runs toward Taotie. Taotie lifts himself to avoid Tigress' low attacks. As Taotie is up high, Monkey delivers a kick to his face. As Taotie is propelled away, he grabs Monkey. Taotie lands on the walls surrounding the courtyard, where he throws Monkey into Tigress. Tigress and Monkey are sent toward the Training Hall. Taotie quickly fires chains and is able to chain Tigress and Monkey to some columns. Po prepares to move in to fight Taotie, but Shifu stops him.]
SHIFU: No, panda. I'll handle this.
[Shifu runs in to attack. He is soon thrown back and chained to a column.]
SHIFU: Or, you can handle it.
PO: (To Bian Zao) Stay here and keep down! [Takes a stance.] 'Cause, with any luck, there's gonna be machine parts flying everywhere in a second.
BIAN ZAO: But, I wanna help!
PO: Help who?
[Bian Zao remains silent.]
[Po and Taotie begin fighting. Po throws Taotie across the courtyard. Taotie tries to fire chains at Po, only to find out that he is out of chains.]
TAOTIE: Dang! Outta chains. [Takes off one of the claws.] Looks like we'll have to fight mano-a-claw-o.
[Taotie uses the other to punch Po. Po slams into a tree.]
PO: Ah, man! What are those Iron Claws of Doom made of?!
PO: Oh, thought it was just a name. I mean, I'm the Dragon Warrior, but I'm not made of dragon.
[Taotie punches Po into a wall.]
TAOTIE: C'mon, is that all you've got?!
PO: Not quite!
[Po and Taotie continue fighting. Po punches the Iron Claws as Taotie punches, sending him back. Taotie tries to smash Po with the Iron Claws, only for Po to support the weight of the claws. After dodging a swipe, Po kicks Taotie away, to Bian Zao's shock. Taotie then throws a boulder.]
BIAN ZAO: Po!
[The boulder narrowly misses Po. Taotie jumps and tries to land on Po. Po moves out of the way, causing Taotie to land hard.]
BIAN ZAO: Dad!
[Taotie fire spikes at Po.]
BIAN ZAO: Po!
[The spikes hit around Po. Po and Taotie begin pushing into one another.]
TAOTIE: (Struggling) It would seem we're evenly matched.
PO: (Struggling) Need something to shift the balance.
[Po and Taotie look over to Bian Zao.]
TAOTIE: Help me, I'm your father!
PO: Help me I'm your buddy!
TAOTIE: I gave you life!
PO: I gave you a cool nickname!
[Bian Zao remains unable to decide who to help.]
TAOTIE: I'll raise your allowance.
PO: I'll give you the moon cake recipe.
BIAN ZAO: Aw man! Moral dilemma! Lame!
[Bian Zao runs away.]
TAOTIE: Way to go, you scared him off!
PO: Me?! You're the one who was all, "I gave you life." That's just creepy.
[As the two continue struggling to gain the upper hand, Bian Zao comes flying in on the Flying Bamboo Bird of Incalculable Retribution.]
PO: B.Z. Yes, air attack!
BIAN ZAO: Dad, grab on!
[Taotie punches Po and gets lifted away.]
TAOTIE: [Laughs.] You are the greatest son in the world!
BIAN ZAO: And you are the greatest dad in-- the family.
TAOTIE: Okay, now swoop down by his melon head so I can...
[Bian Zao grabs pipe on the Iron Claws and pulls it loose.]
BIAN ZAO: Oops, I accidentally knocked something loose, on accident.
TAOTIE: What the, not the lubrication hose! No!
[Bian Zao winks at Po, making him smile.]
TAOTIE: Aw, and I was winning too!
BIAN ZAO: Sorry.
PO: Thanks, buddy.
TIGRESS: They're getting away!
PO: They'll be back. But we did some good here today; we brought a family closer together.
TAOTIE: You're too high!
BIAN ZAO: Whatever, dad.
TAOTIE: Lower! Lower!
[The bird falls out of the sky. Taotie screams as they fall.]
PO: Uh, sort of.
[End of Act 3]
[End of Transcript]