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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Bride of Po" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Tom Sheppard. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode opens up outside of Mr. Ping's Noodle Shop, where Po and Monkey are sparring on stilts.]
MONKEY: You ready to do this?
PO: Oh I was born ready. Hold on. [He adjusts himself.] Ahh, just a sec. Okay, I'm good.
PO AND MONKEY: Stilt fu!
[Po and Monkey begin sparring on stilts when Po falls.]
MONKEY: Unguarded moment! [He then begins slapping Po.]
[They continue to spar until Po pushes his stilts into the ground, causing them to be unmovable, Monkey then hits Po's stilts and Monkey is then shocked by the vibrations.]
PO: I call that Pillars of the Ouch.
MONKEY: [While still under the effect of the vibrations.] Good name.
[Mr. Ping then finds the two sparring instead of stilt walking to advertise his noodles.]
MR. PING: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey you two! You're supposed to be stilt walking ads for my shop! I'm not paying you to mess around!
PO: You're not paying us at all.
MR. PING: Good thing, too!
MONKEY: Still not sure how guys on stilts help advertise noodles.
MR. PING: It's how the restaurant business works. [He throws Monkey a sign to stilt walk with.] Now stilt walk, you Monkey.
[Mr. Ping then throws Po a stilt walking sign and returns to inside his shop, Po realizes he can't move with his stilts stuck in the ground.]
PO: Well, I may be stuck here but at least I've got a nice view. There's the Jade Palace and the Bamboo Forest, a cute girl, an old dude and some bandits.
PO AND MONKEY: Bandits!
[Po and Monkey rush to the edge of the Bamboo forest to fight the bandits.]
MU-SHI: Please, we have no valuables.
OX BANDIT: Yeah, what do you call this? [Grabs the necklace around Lu-Shi's neck.]
LU-SHI: Don't touch that!
[Po and Monkey now arrive at the scene.]
PO: You heard the lady! [talking to himself.] Wow, she's even cuter close up.
[Po and Monkey then fight off most of the bandits, while two of them start to close in on Lu-Shi but she surprisingly fights back very well.]
MONKEY: Whoa, flying goat surprise!
PO: Cute and knows kung fu.
LU-SHI: A little, don't mess with the goat girl. [changes to a much more serious tone.] Seriously, don't!
PO: Whoa, I'm not a bandit.
LU-SHI: I'm just kidding... No I'm not! [She proceeds to grab Po and throws him a fair distance.] Mess with a goat, you get the hooves.
[Po then while lying on the floor views a short display of Lu-Shi's kung fu in slow motion and swishing her ears from side to side.]
MONKEY: [Walks over to Po and gently slaps him on the cheek.] Po are you alright?
PO: [Po then stands up.] My palms are sweating, my heart is racing and I'm tingly all over. I think she got me with the cloven hooved exploding head technique.
MONKEY: Um, the cloven hooved exploding head technique actually explodes your head. I think maybe your in love.
PO: Love! Pfft! [laughs.] No way! Not this Paa-[begins to say panda but gazes upon Lu-Shi]. Did my head just explode? I can't feel my face! Oh wait, there it is, on my face.
MU-SHI: My daughter and I can't thank you enough for helping us in our time of need. Lu-Shi is to be married tomorrow.
PO: Married? I see. Lucky guy! Anyone I know?
LU-SHI: Well, I've never even met him.
MONKEY: Oh, it's one of those arranged dealeos.
LU-SHI: Yeah pretty stoked about it, he's called... The Dragon Warrior.
PO: Head definitely exploded!
[Scene is now back in Mr. Ping's Noodle shop as he is about to explain to Po about the marriage.]
MR. PING: [said while getting Po and Lu-Shi a bowl of noodles.] We arranged the marriage years ago Po, you and Lu-Shi were just babies.
PO: Kind of a big deal, seems like something a guy tells his son!
MR. PING: [Flashback begins of the story of how Po and Lu-Shi were arranged to be married which plays through Mr Ping's speech.] Well, back then money was tight and dishes were very expensive. I couldn't afford to keep replacing them. Mu-Shi the potter offered to keep me stocked with dishware if I agreed that one day you would marry his daughter. [Flashback ends]
MONKEY: So you traded him for plates?
MR. PING: And bowls, that's how the restaurant business works.
MU-SHI: Lu-Shi, give Po his present.
LU-SHI: Yes sir. Po, I understand that you like action figures.
PO: [laughs.] Yeah well I did, when I was a kid, a long time ago, not really n-[squeals with excitement] as Lu-Shi reveals a Shifu action figure]
LU-SHI: I collect them too.
PO: Is that a... Master Shifu?
LU-SHI: The mono-brow variety.
PO: That's the rarest one there is!
LU-SHI: I know! It's yours now or ours if you want to go through with the whole marriage thing.
PO: W-w-w-w-wait! Just so we're clear, you're pretty, funny, good at kung fu, you love dumplings and you collect action figures?
[Lu-Shi nods in agreement.]
[Scene now in the yard in front of the Jade Palace, Po is about to announce to Shifu and the rest of the Furious Five about his marriage, Po bursts through the Jade Palace front gates.]
PO: I'm getting married!
VIPER: You're kidding, right?
PO: Meet the future Mrs. Dragon Warrior.
LU-SHI: Hey there, Furious Five, worship you, trying totally not to spaz.
PO: I know it's kind of sudden.
LU-SHI: Except for the 'arranged when we were babies' part. [giggles nervously.] Okay, now I'm spa-[twitch]-azzing! Is it wrong to ask you to sign my belly?
MANTIS: Is this a joke?
MONKEY: No joke.
CRANE: Well looks like somebody gets to plan a wedding! Can it be me? Please say yes!
PO: Go crazy!
[Crane takes off.]
PO: Oh Lu-Shi! I'd like you to meet-[Lu-Shi runs over to Tigress before he can finish.]
LU-SHI: Master Tigress! Oh my, oh my, oh my gosh [giggles] I'm kind of a mega fan. A lot. Seriously, it's like such an honor.
TIGRESS: Hold on, YOU wanna marry HIM?
TIGRESS: [sternly] Really?
PO: Whoa, Tigress, never pegged you for the jealous type.
TIGRESS: Jealous?! You must be kid-[she is interrupted by Shifu.]
SHIFU: Po, a word?
[Po leaves to talk to Shifu alone, Tigress gives Lu-Shi a stern look.]
TIGRESS: I'll be watching you.
LU-SHI: Ok, I'll try not to look all [makes strange noises while making funny faces. Tigress glares even harder at her antics, frightening Lu-Shi into acting normally] Odd, I'll try not to look odd.
[Scene turns to Po and Shifu talking alone in the Hall of Warriors.]
SHIFU: Marriage is a big step, Po, and you just met this girl. Are you sure you're ready?
PO: Well, we are combining our action figure collections, so there's that...
SHIFU: Po, if Lu-Shi is the wife of the Dragon Warrior, she will be the kidnap target of every villain and scoundrel in the land!
PO: Wow, I hadn't thought of that.
SHIFU: You'll be putting her in grave danger. That's why the rules of the Sacred Onyx Shaolin are so specific.
PO: Specific how, specifically?
SHIFU: You really don't know, do you? You'll have to step down as the Dragon Warrior.
[End of Act 1]
[Scene is continuation of Shifu talking alone with Po in the Jade Palace, Shifu has just told Po that he will have to step down as the Dragon Warrior if he marries Lu-Shi.]
PO: What? Give up being the Dragon Warrior or give up Lu-Shi I can't do that!
SHIFU: Which one?
PO: Either! Being Dragon Warrior is the greatest, I'd never give that up! Unless, what if Lu-Shi is my one shot at happiness, I don't want to wind up old, sad and alone like my dad or y-ahh-a [Po goes to say you, meaning Shifu but notices his stern expression and trails off.] It's just what's the point of having this awesome life, if I've got no one to share it with.
SHIFU: [sighs] It's your decision Po, no one else can make it for you.
PO: Are you sure? Cuz' I'd really rather you just told me what to do and I'd go along with it.
SHIFU: The Dragon Warrior follows his heart, the Dragon Warrior does not let others make up his mind.
[Shifu exits the Jade Palace.]
[Scene changes to the Training Hall where Po is miserably sparring with Lu-Shi using sticks.]
LU-SHI: Crane wants to meet with us later to go over the seating chart and-[she stops when she notices Po isn't himself.] Po are you ok?
PO: Huh, oh uh yeah, yeah... Sorry.
[Lu-Shi jumps to kick Po and he defends, again with a sad expression.]
LU-SHI: You're having second thoughts!
PO: What? No way! Kind of. Look, meeting you was the most amazing thing that's happened to me since I become the Dragon Warrior.
LU-SHI: Do what your heart tells you, Po. [they continue to spar.] Don't let me sway you. [She kicks Po in the stomach and his falls to the floor.]
PO: But it's all happening so fast!
LU-SHI: As Dragon Warrior you sacrifice so much to protect the Valley of Peace Po, but to run from true love would be like running from a great battle, you'd always wonder, what if?
PO: Um, maybe your right.
[Po holds Lu-Shi's hand and they leave the training hall together. Watching them from behind one of the columns is Lu-Shi's father. He heard their conversation and smiles to himself craftily.]
[Scene changes to the village where Crane is organizing Po and Lu-Shi's wedding. Monkey and Mantis are helping to decorate the lattice. Some villagers are also helping.]
CRANE: We'll put the bride's guests over here but if it's lop-sided we can spread the fight dummies around.
MANTIS: [To Monkey] So he's going through with the wedding for sure?
MONKEY: Not for sure, but don't tell Crane. Or you'll crush his dreams.
CRANE: No, no, no! You're using too many flowers in one spot! Spread the blossoms and spread the [the lattice collapses] joy.
MONKEY: You might wanna reinforce that lattice. [Crane looks at Monkey sternly] Just saying!
[Scene changes to the Jade palace, Shifu is meditating by the Jade Palace Moon Pool. Po is talking to him about whether to go through with the marriage or not.]
PO: I don't want to spend my life wondering what if so I'm gonna marry Lu-Shi and give up being the Dragon Warrior, or not do that.
PO: Ahh I know right. Ok I've decided! I'm getting married. Unless you think... [he is stopped by Shifu.]
SHIFU: Congratulations Panda, I'm proud of you. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
[Shifu walks away, Po looks at into the pool at his reflection and the reflection of the golden dragon which held the Dragon Scroll. Tigress turns around and looks at Po who has been listening to their conversation while sweeping. She then turns and leaves.]
[Scene changes to the Bamboo forest where Lu-Shi is sitting alone on a rock looking at the locket of her necklace, Tigress approaches her.]
TIGRESS: Po must really love you to give up being the Dragon Warrior.
TIGRESS: I guess you must really love him too...
LU-SHI: I care for Po.
TIGRESS: Care for him? Or using him? [She knocks the necklace out of Lu-Shi's hooves to reveal a picture of a male goat inside.] Who is this?!
LU-SHI: It's not what you-- [She pushes Tigress away, picks up the necklace, and then stands to engage in a fight.] Walk away, lady. [quietly to herself] Totally facing off with Master Tigress. So cool! Tigress, I don't want to hurt you.
TIGRESS: Trust me, you won't.
[Tigress and Lu-Shi begin to fight, but Po stops them.]
PO: Tigress stop!
TIGRESS: Stay out of this Panda! This is how girls discuss things.
PO: Tigress I know you've cried your little eyes out that you and I aren't together.
PO: Don't be a hero, there's a tear right th- [stops] no. Wow, do you ever blink?
[Tigress growls and clenches her fists.]
PO: Look, what you and I had was just a figment of your imagination.
PO: Past tense, it's a grammar thing, look it up. Lu-Shi, are you hurt?
TIGRESS:But Po she is-[Po stops her]
PO: Tigress! Stop embarrassing yourself with your jealousy jealous behavior. This is my life and I need to start living it for me.
[Po walks away with Lu-Shi, Tigress is left surprised.]
[Scene changes to everyone being seated for the wedding.]
MONKEY: Great job fixing the lattice Crane.
CRANE: Reinforced and ready for action [Monkey touches the Lattice and Crane kicks him away.] Ah-ah-ah no touchies.
SHIFU: Crane, ever think of a second career as a wedding planner?
CRANE: No, no, no, why? Thinking of tying the knot?
[Po is nervously waiting for the wedding to begin, he dusts himself off a little.]
TIGRESS: Po, I- [Po interrupts her.]
PO: Don't make a scene Tigress, I've made my decision, kind of, and it's the right one, possibly.
TIGRESS:I just wanted to say I'm sorry, you were right.
PO: You are jealous!
TIGRESS:Ye- no! You-I-[she sighs.] It is your life Po and I wish you nothing but the best, friend.
[The two smile at each other briefly before Crane pushes the two aside.]
CRANE: Places people! The sun is casting dappled light on the alter, dappled light! Move it!
[Crane pushes Po up to the alter, guides the rest of the guests to their seats, places Mantis on a stool and he attempts to move Shifu but backs away after Shifu looks at him sternly. The wedding begins, Shifu starts to play music as two rabbits spread confetti down the isle. Mr. Ping starts crying. Lu-Shi and her father walk down the isle, she stands with Po.]
MANTIS: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Po and Lu-Shi, who pretty much just met! In the sacred bonds of matrimony, Lu-Shi, do you take Po as your lawfully wedded husband in accordance with the rules governing this quicky marriage ceremony.
LU-SHI: I do.
MANTIS: Uh-huh and Po do you fluberdedoberdedo Lu-Shi and renounce being the Dragon Warrior.
[Po looks at Lu-Shi and pauses.]
[Po remains silent.]
CRANE: We're loosing the dappled light!
PO: Uh, well...
[Lu-Shi's father looks on sternly and clenches his fist.]
PO: It's not that I don't want to! But, maybe we should wait.
LU-SHI: Wait! We can't wait! If we don't do this right now he'll, he'll-[she stops]
PO: He'll what? To who? Who's he?
MU-SHI: Oh, this is an outrage! Get on with it! Marry my daughter and step down as Dragon Warrior, you ninny!
PO: But I-[interrupted by Mu-Shi]
PO: But I-[interrupted again by Mu-Shi]
MU-SHI: Go on!
PO: I'm just not- [he stops]
[Everyone gazes at the goat suspiciously as to why he is so eager for the wedding to go ahead.]
MU-SHI: [He stammers] Well, it's just, well, her safety is involved and her well being. Oh boo!
[The goat then shows his true form, he is none other than Junjie.]
JUNJIE: Oh [makes gasping sound] yourselves! With the Dragon Warrior gone, I had intended to finally seize the Jade Palace for myself. There, happy!
CRANE: Not really.
PO: What! Wait. Lu-Shi, you betrayed me.
LU-SHI: Po I-[she stops]
TIGRESS: You're going down Junjie!
JUNJIE: Oh, not just yet! The happy couple haven't opened their presents.
[ Junjie's Leopard Students burst out of the packages and stand ready to engage in battle.]
[End of Act 2]
[Scene is a continuation of the wedding. Previously, the wedding was stopped when Po was having second thoughts and when Lu-Shi's father was very eager for the wedding to keep going everyone became suspicious. The goat showed his true form which was revealed to be Junjie, he explained his plans for control of the Jade Palace and summoned his furious five from the packages they were hidden in.]
PO: It was all, a lie?
LU-SHI: Yes, but Po I had to, you see-[she stops as she is grabbed by Junjie.]
JUNJIE: You've said enough girl! [Lu-Shi is dragged away by Junjie.] Time to pay the price for your failure.
SHIFU: None of you are going anywhere! [Shifu and the furious five block Junjie's exit.] Take them!
MONKEY: Wedding brawl! Awesome!
[Shifu, the furious five, Junjie and his furious five engage in battle while Po remains standing at the alter, heartbroken and shocked. One of Junjie's leopards throws a stool.]
CRANE: No! That's a rental! [they continue to fight and throw furniture.] No not the center-piece!
[Junjie pins Shifu to the floor.]
JUNJIE: I so love seeing you with egg on your face, Shifu.
[Shifu kicks Junjie away.]
MR. PING: No! My cake!
[Mr. Ping grabs his cake to stop Junjie falling in it. But when Junjie stands up Mr. Ping throws the cake on him.]
CRANE: Well, at least the lattice is still- [Monkey is thrown at Crane and they both fly back at the lattice which Shifu and the rest of the furious five are standing underneath. The lattice falls and traps the six of them.]
JUNJIE: We'd love to stay for the reception but we have some place to be.
[Lu-Shi throws her necklace in front of Po while being dragged away by Junjie's furious five.]
LU-SHI: I'm sorry Po! I never meant to hurt you!
PO: What's this?
LU-SHI: Junjie's holding him hostage. That's why I did all of this.
[Lu-Shi is taken away by Junjie and his furious five.]
TIGRESS: Po, don't, there's no point now and- [she stops as Po opens the locket.]
PO: Is this Lu-Shi's boyfriend? She has a boyfriend. There's a boyfriend!
SHIFU: Panda, snap out of it! Lu-Shi needs you. If you're not married you are the Dragon Warrior .
[Po pauses and thinks.]
PO: Yes, yes I am! And the Dragon Warrior doesn't let a broken heart get in the way of helping those in need!
[Po leaves to save Lu-Shi and her "boyfriend".]
MANTIS: We actually are in need.
[Scene changes to within the Bamboo forest where Junjie has Lu-Shi's "boyfriend" tied to a tree branch. He also has Lu-Shi tied up and she is held by two of his leopards.]
LU-SHI: No! Please Junjie! Let him go!
JUNJIE: I plan to, right into the fire!
[Junjie lights a fire underneath the branch where Lu-Shi's "boyfriend" is tied.]
LU-SHI: You said you wouldn't hurt him if I did what you wanted.
JUNJIE: Yes, but you failed! I may be wily and dishonest but I do keep a promise.
[Po enters and fights the two leopards holding Lu-Shi.]
PO: Junjie! Let Lu-Shi's, friend go!
JUNJIE: Fine! [He grabs an axe and throws it at the branch which is holding Lu-Shi's "boyfriend". The branch begins to break.]
[Po sees two stilt-like branches being held by two of Junjie's leopards to poke the fire. He quickly defeats the leopards holding them and climbs onto the stilts, he takes a moment to adjust himself.]
PO: I can do this, I can do this.
JUNJIE: [Junjie is now on stilts as well and stops Po.] Not if I can help it, I won a medal in stilt fighting years ago.
[Po and Junjie exchange glances and begin to fight on the stilts. Eventually, Po is left with only one stilt and lands in the middle of the fire on the stilt. He jumps on the stilt and pushes it into the ground, the same technique he used when sparring on stilts with Monkey at the beginning of the episode, this then causes the stilt to become motionless. Junjie then hits the stilt and is shocked with the vibrations from them.]
PO: Pillars of the Ouch.
JUNJIE: [While still under the effects of the vibrations.] Good name.
[Po tosses Junjie aside with his unconscious leopards.]
LU-SHI: Po! Save Shao!
[Shao slips off the branch but Po catches him before he can land in the fire.]
PO: Gotcha! Wow, those muscles are very... defined.
SHAO: Thanks. I don't even work out.
PO: Figures. [The bamboo pole starts to break. Po throws Shao to safety but falls himself only to be caught by Tigress] Tigress!
TIGRESS: I was able to get free. Just in time, by the looks of it.
PO: You're never gonna give up on us, are you?
[Tigress drops Po on the floor.]
TIGRESS: In your dreams, Panda.
[Lu-Shi unties Shao and hugs him.]
LU-SHI: Shao! You're all right! Po, thank you so much for saving my brother.
PO: Your brother? Your brother?! I thought he was your boyfriend!
SHAO: Gross, bud.
LU-SHI: [She giggles and punches her brother in the stomach before he walks away. Po then picks her up and hugs her.] Po, maybe now that this is all over...
PO: [sigh] I can't marry you, Lu-Shi. So long as there are evil-doers like Junjie threatening the Valley of Peace, I have to remain the Dragon Warrior.
LU-SHI: Marry me? You dork! We barely know each other! I was thinking maybe we could just hang out sometime? [She punches Po in the stomach.]
PO: Oh, yeah. That'd be cool, but I've gotta warn you, somebody might be a little jealous, so-[Tigress punches Po hard in the arm.] There she is now.
[End of Act 3]
[End of Transcript]