|This article is out of universe from Kung Fu Panda.|
|This subject has been distinguished as part of the real world and therefore should not be taken as part of the fictional universe of the Kung Fu Panda franchise.|
|**SPOILER ALERT!** Plot and/or ending details follow below.|
Enter the Dragon Master
[The episode opens with a 2D animation of many junk ships floating across an ocean. Shortly after, a flaming arrow flies into the air and lands amidst other arrows in front of the Legendary Warrior, who stands on the deck of a broken ship.]
Po: [narrating] The Dragon Warrior. No, wait. The Dragon Master, faces an epic test to his master status! [Enemies surround the Legendary Warrior.] Pirates, who’ve stolen the Sacred Golden Peach! [A gorilla charges at him. He pushes back the gorilla with a belly attack and destroys a few ships in the process. Soon, more enemies charge towards him, only for them to be quickly defeated. Suddenly, another panda bursts out from the deck below.]
Panda #2: Huzzah! It is I, the Dragon Master!
Panda #1: Wait, what?
[A third panda leaps down on the deck from above.]
Panda #3: No, I am the real Dragon Master!
[A fourth panda swings down from above and crashes into Panda #2.]
Panda #1: Hey hey! Hey hey hey. You can’t all be Po.
Panda #3: Yeah we can! Woohoo! [runs off]
Panda #1: Seriously? [chases after the three pandas] Guys, stop this! [An enemy knocks a distracted Panda #1 into the trio.]
[The scene flashes into 3D animation.]
Nu Hai: Guys? You’re ruining the story! I was Po first, and there can only be one Po at a time! Okay? That’s just science!
[Bao leaps into the air and dropkicks Fan Tong’s face.]
Jing: Kick him in the tenders!
[Nu Hai and Jing run towards Bao and Fan Tong. Nu then pushes Bao off of Fan.]
Nu Hai: Come on, guys. Master Po will be in the village any minute! We’re running out of time to find the— [gasps at a sunlit flower] rare, Bing Longhua, orchid! [giggles] We found one! [picks up flower] When Po shows up for the Peach Blossom Banquet, I’m gonna give it to him! In the old times, when a Kung Fu student pledge their commitment to Kung Fu, they present a gift to a master.
[As Bao and Fan Tong reluctantly listen to Nu Hai’s lecture, Jing looks down at some villagers gathering outside near a dining table.]
Jing: Hey ding-dongs! It looks like the shindig’s about to kick off.
Bao: We’re never gonna make it down in time!
[As Nu Hai stops to think, she looks up at a nearby broken cart and then smiles. The scene cuts to the four pandas in the cart, pushing it closer to the edge of a cliff.]
Fan Tong: Umm, are we, uh, are we sure this is safe?
Nu Hai: Nope. [pushes down cart]
[As the cart quickly descends, they scream.]
Fan Tong: [covers eyes] I can’t look! I can’t look! [uncovers eyes] I just looked! [covers eyes] Shouldn’t have looked!
[The scene cuts to a large peach statue hovering over the villagers at the dining table.]
Li: Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the annual Peach Blossom Festival!
Villagers: [slow claps] Yay…
Li: We are honored that the Dragon Master, Po, [giggles] my son, is coming here to bless our beloved village’s peach statue. He has a very busy blessing schedule, so this is huge for our town. Did I mention he’s my son? [The villagers collectively groan.] He’s the Dragon Master!
Grandma: Can we wrap this up?
Li: [giggles] And he’ll be here in our quiet, sleepy, peaceful— [A scream is heard in the distance. As Li turns around, he sees the four pandas driving towards them. Soon, the cart runs across the base of the peach statue, causing the statue to tip over and roll towards the villagers.] It’s a giant peach! Coming through! Everybody out of the way! [runs away]
[The villagers scatter as the cart and the statue descends.]
Nu Hai: Turn! Put your butt into it!
[The quartet turn their cart away from the statue’s path. The statue destroys the dining table, while the cart heads off to another cliff.]
Bao: We gotta jump!
[They leap out of the cart. It knocks over a festival banner, causing one of the hanging lanterns to fall and ignite a box of fireworks. The statue rolls its way to the village’s entrance.]
Li: The peach!
[The statue stops. The villagers sigh with relief. Soon, the statue falls out of the village. The villagers gasp. As the quartet wakes up from their landing, they see a caped figure standing below the village’s entrance.]
Po: [gasps] Whoa. What the heck happened here?
[The villagers run in a panic as their homes burn.]
Big Fun: I can’t see! [A bowl of buns fall from his face.]
[As the villagers continue panicking, the quartet run towards Po.]
Nu Hai: Master Po! [reveals flower] I wish to become your student.
Po: Hold that thought. [runs off] Nobody panic! Dragon Master’s in the house! I won’t let anything happen to those dumplings!
Nu Hai: I have a feeling we’re in deep—
[The scene cuts to a large bell being struck. The villagers argue among each other.]
Villager #1: They always do this! They don’t fit in!
Villager #2: Help me lift this off!
Po: Folks! Folks! Hey!
[In the distance, Nu Hai looks at the commotion through a window and then slumps against the wall. Bao rests on his bed.]
Nu Hai: [sighs] Everybody’s mad at us. Even Master Po thinks we’re screw-ups.
Bao: You think all that angry yelling’s about us?
Nu Hai: [sighs] Yeah, Bao, I think it’s about us.
Grandma: [opens door] Wow, that was some festival! It was a total rager, huh? [laughs]
Bao: [sarcastically] Thanks for reminding us, Grandma.
Grandma: Aw, come on. I’m just having a little fun at your expense. [kisses Bao] Time for shut-eye, kiddos. [kisses Nu Hai] I know it hasn’t been easy for you two since your parents have been gone. And everybody in town sounds really mad at you. I imagine you’re less popular now than ever. Gosh, I’d hate to be you right now. Oof.
Nu Hai: Not your best pep talk, Grandma.
Grandma: The good news? Everything is temporary. Folks forget things pretty quickly. [blows off candle] Night, kiddos. [leaves and closes door]
Nu Hai: We gotta do something to show everyone how sorry we are!
Bao: I got this. I’m gonna go down there and charm everybody. Turn on that patented bow charisma. Maybe pop my vest off. Give ‘em a little panda eye candy.
Nu Hai: Can you be serious for like, one second? We really messed up this time. We almost blew up the whole town!
Bao: But hey. On the bright side, everybody’s talkin’ about us, huh? Huh, am I right? [Nu Hai throws her doll at his face.] Ow!
Nu Hai: Wait. What if we went down and brought the peach statue back up to the village?
Nu Hai: I dunno. Roll it? We gotta do something to show everyone how sorry we are. Right?
Bao: [groans] Fine.
[The scene fades to the quartet pulling themselves down from the village. When they reach the bottom, they stop in front of the peach statue.]
Jing: So how are we getting this bad boy all the way back to the village?
Nu Hai: Great question! And the answer is... a little something called teamwork. Because if we work together, there’s nothing we can’t do.
Bao: [chuckles] Except for maybe pushing a giant stone peach up a hill.
Nu Hai: [shoves Bao and then touches statue] Okay, on three. One, two—
Fan Tong: Wait. Is it one two three push? Or is it one two push?
Jing: Yep. I had the same question, chief.
Bao: And should we warm up? You know, like, get a good stretch in before we—
Nu Hai: [yells] One two three push! Okay? [The other three fearfully nod.] Alright, let’s do this. One, two, three, push! [They push the rock up a short distance, but the rock falls back down. After three attempts, the ground caves in along with the statue and themselves. The statue falls into a pool. They get up after crashing into the ground.]
Fan Tong: [points] Nu Hai, look.
[They stare at the statues of a dragon, tiger, phoenix, and a tortoise.]
Bao: Yo, check out this place. So baller-iffic!
Fan Tong: This place feels a little haunted. [walks past a dragon skeleton]
Bao: Dude, this place looks like a tomb!
Jing: [rubs hands sinisterly] I can't wait to see all those dead bodies!
Nu Hai: What do you think these statues are? [rubs dust off stone] Temple of the Four Constellations!
Jing: Blue Dragon. Red Phoenix. White Tiger. Black Tortoise.
Nu Hai: Okay. Until we know what this is, nobody touch anything.
Bao: [laughs] Like what? Like this?
Nu Hai: You're so annoying!
Bao: [mockingly] Can I rub my butt on it? Huh? Does that count as touching? A little butt rubbin'? Oh no, I can't control my butt! [The other three gasps as one of the statues activate from Bao’s touch.] Whoops!
[Suddenly, the statues’ eyes glow.]
Fan Tong: Holy underpants!
[As they back away into each other, the roof glows into the four animals – made entirely of stars. Suddenly, each of the statues shoots an energy beam, which harmlessly passes through the quartet and causes their bodies to glow temporarily. When the glow disappears, they pause in confusion and then scream as they run out of the cave. From afar, a water deer watches them through a spyglass as the cave magically closes itself. The scene then fades into the quartet hanging out in their home.]
Nu Hai: What the heck was that?
Fan Tong: Yeah, what the heck was that?
Nu Hai: Those lights! A—And the statues! A—A—And was there, like, creepy singing going on, or was that just in my head?!
Fan Tong: Yeah! Those lights, and—
Nu Hai: [shoves Fan Tong] Fan Tong! Buddy, it would be super helpful if I was the only one freaking out right now.
Bao: Yeah. Guys, something supernatural definitely happened in that cave. Something scary… We're gonna be famous, y'all! [laughs]
Jing: [bored] Uh, Nu Hai? You're, uh, glowing.
[Fan Tong and Bao step away from Nu Hai.]
Nu Hai: [gasps] Huh? [looks at Fan Tong]
[Fan Tong panics and then gasps at the sight of his glowing hands. Bao then panics as his own hands glow also.]
Bao: Hey. Hey!
Jing: Oh. My hand's glowing too. Whoopee.
Nu Hai: What's going on?
Bao: How should I know?
[Suddenly, the door opens. They gasp and hide their hands behind their backs.]
Grandma: I heard screaming.
Bao: It's all good, Grandma.
Jing: Yep. Nothing to see here, old-timer. Keep it moving.
[Suddenly, the other three glance as Nu Hai’s hands glow brighter for a second.]
Bao: Love ya!
Grandma: It's dark. I'm old. My hips hate me. Go to sleep. [As she closes the door, the quartet sigh with relief. Then, they gasp as the door suddenly opens again.] You two don't even live here! Go to your home!
[The scene cuts to a water deer quivering in fear and breathing heavily on the floor of a dark room.]
Water Deer #1: I have failed you, Jade Tusk. Four panda children found the temple before us and… I am sorry!
Jade Tusk: I am not the one who requires the apology.
[As Jade Tusk looks away, Water Deer #1 looks elsewhere and sees Jindiao.]
Jindiao: Where are they now?
Jade Tusk: In Panda Village.
Jindiao: Jade Tusk, remove this one from my sight. Permanently.
Water Deer #1: No. No, no, Master, please! No! [Suddenly, two water deers take Water Deer #1 out of the room.]
Jade Tusk: Please allow me to correct her grievous mistake. Surely, the children must know how to get back into the temple.
Jindiao: Then perhaps you should ask them yourself. And, do ask nicely.
[The scene cuts to the quartet and Grandma in a library.]
Grandma: [grabs a scroll] Why are you kiddos so interested in the Four Constellations?
Nu Hai: It's a… long story.
Grandma: [opens scroll] Here we are. [The scene fades to 2D animation.] One thousand years ago, the Four Constellations - Blue Dragon, Black Tortoise, White Tiger, and Red Phoenix - learned of a grave threat to a sacred wellspring. Some say it was the source of all chi in the universe. And a dark master had designs on harnessing that chi. But even with the Dark Master gone, the Four Constellations knew all that chi was too tempting for those with evil ambitions. So they hid the wellspring in the last place anyone would look. In the hopes four worthy Kung Fu masters would answer the call to greatness. [The scene fades back to 3D animation.] Of course, nobody even knows if any of that actually happened. [looks up and sees no one around] Hmm? Kiddos? Kiddos?
[The scene cuts to the quartet talking over each other and running towards Po as he eats his lunch.]
Po: Hey, hey, hey! Let's all just calm down and tell me what's up.
Jing: [slams table] Enough jibber-jabber! Let's cut to the chase! You gotta teach us Kung Fu, bubba.
Nu Hai: Master Po, the universe totally chose us to be these, like, supernatural Kung Fu masters. And, okay, yeah. Out loud, that sounds really weird.
Fan Tong: There was an ancient temple in a cave by the bottom of the elevator. It was real!
Bao: Master Po. I know they may not look like much, but surely you can see the potential in me. Oh, you gotta teach us!
Po: [eats buns] Listen, I used to have all kinds of fun with my imagination when I was a kid. [gulps] Yeah. I got so lonely as a kid. True story, my best friend was a radish I drew a face on. Don't tell anybody.
Nu Hai: Please, Master Po! We need you to teach us.
Po: Uhh, look, guys, I'd love to. But I kinda got a lot on my plate. I mean, like, literally. I need to eat this while it's still hot. [They frown.] Hey, I'm sorry, kids. I was only here to bless the Peach Statue, and—
Fan Tong: [laughs] I get it! 'Cause food goes on plates! [laughs]
Po: I gotta go… Got a lot of… Dragon Master responsibilities to get to—
Nu Hai: Wait! Master Po, no! Wait! W—we don't need your autograph.
[As they yell for Po’s help, Po slowly walks away from them and talks to himself.]
Po: You know what? Okay. Should I sign something for you? You know what, just send me a postcard. [points at the sky] Quick! Look over there! [They look at the sky. As Po tries to run from them, he crashes into a door opened by Li.] Dried… salty… plums… [faints]
[As Po lies on the floor unconscious, a peach blossom petal floats down on his face. The scene fades to Po standing on top of a mountain with many petals floating past him. He looks up and sees the spirit of Oogway.]
Po: Master Oogway? But you're— [rubs eyes] Wait a minute. Is this the Spirit Realm? Am I dead? Again?! Aw, jeez. I didn't even hit my head that hard! So unfair.
Oogway: You are not dead, Po.
Po: I'm not?
Oogway: I brought you here because I needed to speak to you. The universe has chosen you to teach these children.
Po: I seriously doubt that. You haven't seen these kids. They're hopeless.
Oogway: [chuckles] Sound like anyone we know? Hmm?
Po: You mean, me? Oh, no. No, this is different. They're just so, undisciplined. I mean— They don't know the first thing about Kung Fu.
Oogway: Have you forgotten how hopeless and undisciplined and devoid of any knowledge or talent you were when we found you? [chuckles]
Po: Yeah, but I had you and Shifu teaching me. I'm nowhere near as great as you guys are.
Oogway: Exactly. You are something so much better. You are as great as you. Whether you like it or not, teaching these children seems to be your destiny. [floats away and fades out from existence] Without your guidance and experience, those children are doomed.
Po: Wait. What? Master Oogway? Master?
[The scene cuts to Jing knocking on Nu Hai and Bao’s window.]
Nu Hai: [opens window] Ready?
[They head out from the village.]
Jing: This better be good. I was having a really fun nightmare.
Fan Tong: Yeah! Why are we out here in the middle of the night?
Nu Hai: This is our last chance to convince Master Po to teach us Kung Fu before he leaves tomorrow.
[They stop and gasp as a sword-wielding figure stands before them. The scene cuts to them being held captive near the magical cave by Jade Tusk and her followers.]
Jing: Yo, snaggletooth! Soon as these goons let me go, I'm gonna pop you right in the mouth!
[Jade Tusk claws the cave's entrance and causes the quartet to cringe.]
Jade Tusk: Little girl. Simply open the cave, and you may go.
Nu Hai: Even if I knew how to, I wouldn't! You wanna know why— [They gasp as a mace is dropped right in front of them.] Wow, that's a heck of a weapon.
Jade Tusk: We'd prefer not to hurt you. But we will.
[One of her followers unsheathes her sword and walks towards the quartet.]
Nu Hai: We really don't know how to open it!
[From afar, a scream is heard. Everyone watches as a flying Po lands in front of them.]
Po: Unhand those kids! Right now! And step away slowl— [yelps from back pain]
Jing: [points] Master Po, why didn't you just take the elevator?
Po: [looks at nearby elevator] Oh. Yeah. I guess that would've been easier, huh?
Jade Tusk: Get him!
[Po and the followers fight against each other.]
Nu Hai: Master Po needs our help!
Fan Tong: There is no way that's true.
Nu Hai: Ya! [steps on Water Deer #2’s foot]
Water Deer #2: [hops in pain] Oh!
[Nu Hai tackles Water Deer #2, but then the latter tosses her into the other three. As Water Deer #2 is about to attack them, Po kicks her away.]
Nu Hai: Come on, let's go!
[They fight alongside Po against the followers. Eventually, the quartet are held captive again. Po then frees them from their captors as he fights against Jade Tusk.]
Po: You kids need to get out of here!
Nu Hai: We're not leaving you! [throws a rock at Jade Tusk]
Po: I'll be fine. I'm the Dragon Ma— [gets hit by the rock as Jade Tusk lowers her head]
[As Po recovers from the blow, Jade Tusk and her followers knock him around until he falls flat on the ground.]
Jade Tusk: Disappointing. I expected so much more from the one claiming to be the Dragon Master. Secure the panda. He's coming with us.
Nu Hai: Let. Him. Go!
[Suddenly, a wave of energy knocks down Jade Tusk and her followers. Po and them look up to see the quartet glowing and mimicking the poses of the Four Constellations. Jade Tusk and her followers quickly retreat.]
Bao: Aw, man! How come I'm the turtle?
[The quartet high-five each other as the glow disappears from their bodies. They then stop to see Po approaching them.]
Po: So, guess I, uh, need to teach you some Kung Fu.
[They cheer and huddle around Po. The five of them then put their hands to the center.]
[End of transcript]
|End of spoilers.|