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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Five is Enough" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Gene Grillo. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode opens with a guard raising a sword.]
Guard #1: Taste the sting of my steel! Kyah! [Guard #1 slams down a wooden figurine on a game board. Two guards are seen sitting at a table at the edge of a snowy mountain.]
Guard #2: Aww… Nice move, chief. [Suddenly, small rocks roll down past them.] Hey, what's that?
[In the distant fog, a tiny person is seen jumping from one post to another on a bridge.]
Guard #1: Border patrol! Identify yourself! No one enters China without getting past us.
Pai Mei: Fools. You are like worms challenging a large dog, or perhaps a mid-size cow. You do not grasp that you are helpless before Pai Mei, high priest of Abusive Lotus. [laughs]
Guard #2: Pai Mei? Wasn't he that traitor who tried to destroy the Emperor?
Guard #1: Get him!
[The two guards charge at Pai Mei. Pai Mei quickly defeats them by paralyzing them with nerve strikes.]
Pai Mei: Now, you unworthy soapmongers, direct me to the Kung Fu master known as Shifu.
Guard #1: Shifu? He—he's in the Valley of Peace.
Pai Mei: He shall be my next miserable victim.
Guard #1: Wait. What do you mean, next victim?
[As Pai Mei walks away, the two guards’ body glows and then explodes. The scene cuts to Shifu, Po, the Five, and others at a stage in the Valley of Peace.]
Shifu: Greetings, everyone. And welcome to the first ever tournament of the Sun Pennant. Featuring the Dragon Warrior and the Furious Five… [Po and the Five wave at the crowd. The crowd cheers.] Against the visiting masters of the Onyx Temple. [The masters perform a quick display of Kung Fu. The crowd cheers.] The esteemed Master Chao will present the winning team with a fabulous prize sent by the Emperor himself.
Po: Ooh, check out that awesome box. We have to win it!
Monkey: Po, the prize isn't a box. It's what's inside the box.
Po: Oh. But we still get to keep the box though, right?
Shifu: The tournament will begin shortly. Masters, prepare yourselves!
[As the tournament participants face off against each other, Shifu sits down and accidentally cracks his back.]
Master #1: You Jade Palace losers are about to get schooled.
Master #2: Big time. It's gonna be epic.
Master #3: Pop pop!
Mantis: I'll pop you, dork face.
Po: We got a word for guys like you. Not nice.
[Po and the Five argue with the masters.]
Shifu: [slams cane] Enough! Your behavior is not befitting masters of your station.
Chao: Oh relax, Shifu. The young people are just letting off steam. Surely you remember what that's like, don't you?
Shifu: Your pardon, master. But it's been a long time since I was that young.
Po: [chuckles] Come on. It couldn't have been that long ago.
Chao: Well, I happen to know for a fact that Shifu is over— [whispers to Po]
Po: Was anyone even alive back then? [The Five chuckle.]
Chao: Shifu, everyone gets older. Which reminds me… The Emperor sent a special gift just for you.
[Chao hands Shifu a green case. Shifu opens it and pulls out a pair of glasses. As he wears it, Po and the Five chuckle. Shifu puts the glasses back into the case and returns it to Chao.]
Shifu: Thank you, Master Chao, but I assure you my eyes are just as keen as ever. Now, if you'll excuse me… [bumps into a wooden post] I… intended to do that. [Shortly after, Shifu bumps into more posts and other fragile objects. He then takes back the case from Chao.]
Chao: Now, you'd all better get ready. [Po and the Five bow and walk away.] Uh, Po. May I speak to you about a personal matter?
[The scene cuts to Shifu in a tent, looking at a mirror with his glasses on.]
Shifu: Gah! Chao's right. I am old. [Suddenly, Shifu hears whispers and eavesdrops through the tent’s fabric.]
Chao: [whispers] Po, I need your advice.
Po: About what, Master Chao?
Chao: Well, sadly, an old friend of ours has finally outlived his usefulness.
Po: Wha—what do you mean? [Chao shows Po a used wok.] Really? Well, he might be a little rusty. But—
Chao: He really can't take the heat anymore. It's time for a change. But his replacement will have to be newer, cooler, and incredibly more awesome, as you would say.
Po: No problem, Master Chao. I'm just the guy to do it.
Shifu: They're going to… replace me! Chao wants someone cooler, more awesome, more modern. I can't be any of those things.
[As Shifu walks around the tent, Zheng is seen cleaning a sword near him.]
Shifu: Or can I?
Shifu: That's it, Zheng! Of course! I'll be young! [runs off]
[The scene cuts to Po, the Five, Chao, and the masters at the stage.]
Chao: We are ready to begin. Each team shall race through the forest to the Tai Yang Temple. There, they shall do battle for the Sun Pennant. Are the Onyx Masters ready? [The masters prepare their running stance.] And the Jade Palace? [Po and the Five prepare their running stance.]
Po: Ready, Master Chao. And so are the Furious Five.
Shifu: Make that the Furious Six! [Po and the Five look behind themselves and see Shifu with a hat on.] Shaka-boobie!
The Five: What?
Chao: Gosh, Shifu! What are you doing?
Shifu: Just relax your flaps, Master Chao. I'm joining the tournament.
Chao: But but Shifu… The games are for the young people, the junior masters.
Shifu: Let's ask my pea pods. Who wants to see the Sheefster in the tourney?
Crowd: Eh, oh, whatever. Uh, okay. [applauds Shifu]
Po: Uhh, Master. You sure you know what you're doing?
Shifu: Check it out, large and in charge. I'll show you and Master Chao that I still gots the moves. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. [Shifu kicks the air as he walks off.] Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.
Tigress: Uh, why is Shifu whoop, whoop, whoop-ing?
Po: Uh, guys, uh, we need to be supportive of Shifu's apparent midlife crisis.
Shifu: [breakdances] Whoop, whoop, whoop-whoop-whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!
Crane: [whispers] I'm scared.
Mantis: [whispers] What about the Emperor's prize? I don't wanna blow that!
Po: [whispers] Relax, it's Shifu. He could still bring the butt-whoop. [speaks normally] Uh, Master Chao.
Shifu: [singing] Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Whoop, whoop. What’s my name? Shifu.
Po: We'd be totally honored to have Shifu on our team. Right, guys? [The Five don’t respond.] Uh, that means yes.
Mantis: [facepalms] Oh boy.
Chao: Ehh, this is a bit odd, but… okay. On your marks!
Master #1: Grandpa won't help you losers. You're going down.
Shifu: This scene is about to get fru-gy.
Po: [whispers] Not really a word.
Shifu: Oh, snarp!
Chao: First team to return to this spot with the Sun Pennant wins. Begin! [As Shifu, Po, the Five, and the other masters run off, Chao returns to his own tent.] This is a very strange village.
Pai Mei: And it just got stranger.
Chao: [looks up and gets pinned] Pai Mei!
Pai Mei: You gape like a toad from your ridiculous lizard mouth. Your beady eyes creep me out, and that gaudy tunic makes your hips look fat. [laughs] Seriously, I never liked you. [knocks Chao unconscious]
[End of Act 1]
[The episode continues with the Five and the other masters running across a forest.]
Tigress: Keep moving. We've gotta catch up!
Mantis: We lost 'em.
Tigress: [looks up at trees] No, we didn't.
[The masters leap down from the trees and fight against the Five. Eventually, the masters defeat the Five by trapping them with their bolas.]
Master #1: Later, kung fools. [runs off]
Mantis: I hate those guys!
Po: [rolls out from trees] Shakab— What'd I miss?
Tigress: Where were you?
Po: [removes bolas] It's not my fault. I was waiting for Shifu.
Shifu: [falls out from a bush] This stylish hat is blocking my peepers.
Crane: Tell me about it.
Tigress: Master, I'm sorry, but I—I—I'm just confused. Why exactly are you dressed this way?
Shifu: Snappy hats are in. Just ask the Monkster or Baron von Cranington.
Crane: The Baron would rather you didn't.
Tigress: Master, those ducks are tough.
Shifu: The purple dude feints to his left. [pins Po by his arm]
Shifu: Attack on the right. The others have a hitch in their spin kicks. [releases Po’s arm]
Shifu: Counter with a jab, and you own 'em.
Mantis: Uh, you know, he's right.
Po: See? Master Shifu has seen it all. He can instantly analyze any move.
Shifu: That's what the Sheefmeister General brings to the par-tay. [struts shoulders] Pop, pop.
[Po and the Five stare at Shifu.]
Po: Focus, everybody. We can beat these ducks to the temple if we use strategicalness. You guys race ahead and ambush 'em. Shifu, Viper, and me will attack from behind.
Shifu: [blows a raspberry] Plans are for squares. Rebels like me think outside the box. Shakka-blah, bitity-blah. [runs off]
Po: Master Shifu! Wait! Gah!
Viper: He's going the wrong way.
Po: Huh. Kids.
Tigress: We've got to stay in the race!
[As the Four run off to the opposite direction, Po and Viper chase after Shifu.]
Po: Shifu, hang on!
[As Po and Viper run, Pai Mei is seen watching them from above a tree. The scene cuts to the Onyx Temple masters approaching the final area of the tournament.]
Master #1: There's the flag! Let's go!
[The masters run past a hail of arrows and a line of fire-breathing statues. As they’re about to reach the flag, the flag disappears.]
Master #3: Huh? The flag!
[The masters look up and see Tigress holding the flag.]
Tigress: Looking for this? [folds up flag]
Master #2: Aww, someone's lost their kitty.
Master #1: This'll be easy.
[As the masters charge towards Tigress, the other Three suddenly appear and then fight against the masters.]
Monkey: A hitch in his spin kick, just like Shifu said.
[The fight for the flag continues. As Tigress attempts to run off with the flag, Master #1 stops her with a kick. The flag lands in the middle of the fire-breathing statues. As Master #1 waits for the statues to stop, Tigress sneaks away with the flag.]
Master #1: Huh?
[As Tigress is about to return to the Three with the flag, one of the statues temporarily stuns her with its flame. The Three repel the masters away from Tigress as she recovers.]
Mantis: We're still outnumbered. Where's Po?
Tigress: They should be in place by now. B Team, attack! [The masters look around in confusion.] Any… time… now? [Suddenly, the masters leap towards the Four.] Darn. [As the Four are getting beaten up by the masters, Po suddenly appears and pushes back Tigress’ opponent.] You're late.
Po: We were trying to find Shifu!
Viper: He ran off. Again.
[While distracted, the masters knock the flag out of Tigress’ hands. As the masters grab the flag, Shifu suddenly appears, kicks the flag away from their hands, and takes back the flag.]
Shifu: Slamma-pajama! The Sheefster's still got the moves.
Po: [chuckles] Nice, Master. Up high!
[As Shifu highfives Po, his back cracks again.]
Shifu: My back. [As Shifu groans in pain, he stumbles near the edge of a cliff.] Whoa, bummer. [falls off]
Po: Master Shifu!
[Po and the Five grab onto each other to save Shifu. However, they slowly slide down the cliff as Viper struggles to keep herself up on the cliff.]
Viper: No hands…
[Shifu, Po, and the Five falls off. After landing, they groan in pain.]
Tigress: Is… is everyone alright?
Mantis: Been better.
Po: Shake it off, guys. The important thing is that Master Shifu captured the Sun Pennant! We win! Yes!
Shifu: You got that right, panda. We— [fumbles around his pockets] Wait, the pennant! Where is it?
[Shifu, Po, and the Five look up and see the masters with the flag.]
Master #1: Oh, snarp.
[The masters walk away with the flag.]
Shifu: I… thought I had it.
Po: Master Shifu, what?!
Shifu: [throws down his hat] Oh, why are you complaining?! You and Chao have proved your point. I'm rusty. Can't take the heat.
Tigress: Master, what are you talking about?
Shifu: I overheard Po and Master Chao planning my retirement. They want to replace me. And after this humiliation, they'll get their wish.
Po: Replace you? What? We'd never— Oh, Master! No! [pulls out a wok] Master Chao was talking about an old wok.
Monkey: Wait, you've been carrying that around this whole time?
Shifu: A… wok?
Po: Yeah, it's rusted and worn out and he wanted to replace it. It had nothing to do with you.
Shifu: I… I really am an old fool. I'm sorry I cost you your victory. [As Shifu walks away in shame, he cracks his back again.]
Po: But, Master Shifu…
[As Po and the Five watch Shifu leave, Chao suddenly appears and slowly approaches them.]
Chao: [pants heavily] Dragon Warrior!
Po: Master Chao?
[Chao faints. The scene cuts to Shifu walking around the final area of the tournament.]
Shifu: A wok! Stupid, old, decrepit, ancient! I— [Suddenly, a feather floats down in front of him. He looks up and sees the masters lying unconscious. Master #1 lets the flag unfold as he begins to faint.] The Onyx Masters. How? [Suddenly, Pai Mei appears with a leap attack on one of the unconscious masters.] Pai Mei.
Pai Mei: They were like gophers who escaped from a weasel, only to be seized by an eagle. If the metaphor is unclear, I am the eagle, and you… are now my prey.
[End of Act 2]
[The episode continues with Shifu standing his ground as Pai Mei slowly approaches him.]
Shifu: I warn you, Pai Mei. I beat you once, and I'll do it again.
Pai Mei: You got lucky and you know it. Your skill was always overrated. Plus, everyone said you had a lovely singing voice. But it was not so! [Pai Mei and Shifu fight. Eventually, Shifu gets distracted by his back pain and gets knocked back by Pai Mei’s strikes.] Time has not been kind to you, Shifu. I remember us as we once were. Long ago—
Shifu: I'm familiar with the story.
Pai Mei: I know! [plays with his beard] But I wish to dramatically recount it. [The scene cuts to 2D animation.] I was China's deadliest, most abusive Kung Fu master! Against my iron fists and scornful banter, all were helpless. The Emperor himself grew jealous. He sought to protect himself against me! But I struck first. Only to be stopped, by you! I was disgraced and forced into exile. [The scene cuts back to 3D animation.] But in my lonely exile, I've learned Kung Fu secrets beyond your feeble comprehension. [Suddenly, his hands glow. He attempts to hit Shifu, but misses for a large rock instead. The rock explodes.]
Shifu: The Five-Fingered Blast Punch! I see you've mastered its secret.
Pai Mei: You will do more than see. You will feel, hear, taste, possibly even smell the secret as well!
[Suddenly, Po leaps in with the wok.]
Po: Shaka-boobie! [As Po charges forward, Pai Mei uses the wok to cover Po’s eyes and kicks him to a wall.] Oh! Oh, snarp. [Po faints.]
Shifu: No! [Suddenly, the Five appear and fight Pai Mei.] Oh no. Stay back!
Mantis: [grabs Pai Mei’s tail.] Gotcha!
[Pai Mei kicks away Mantis and then fights against Monkey and Viper.]
[After defeating Monkey and Viper, Pai Mei attempts to use the Five-Fingered Blast Punch on Tigress. Tigress dodges many times.]
Po: Enough! [runs to Tigress]
Shifu: Po! [cracks back] Oh!
[Pai Mei causes Tigress to fall by pulling her tail. As he is about to strike Tigress, Po knocks him away with the wok. Pai Mei quickly gets back up and runs toward Po.]
[Po tosses the wok at Pai Mei, who punches it back towards Po. As the wok is about to explode, Pai Mei flings Po to it.]
Shifu: No! [He flips over Po and tosses the wok into the air, letting it explode safely. Pai Mei then taunts Po and the Five into attacking him.] Stop! All of you! [As he begins to chase after Po and the Five, his back cracks. Incapacitated, he watches as Po and the Five repeatedly fall for Pai Mei’s traps. Eventually, Pai Mei knocks Po and the Five unconscious by exploding a large statue towards them.] No!
Pai Mei: [jumps on Po] Like all pandas, you are fat and full of eucalyptus. Now, feast upon the minty taste of doom. [readies fists]
Shifu: Pai Mei, forgive a doddering old fool and his students. Your power is too great.
Pai Mei: Hmm? Your unworthy voice continues to befoul my ears. But what you speak is the truth.
Shifu: [looks at a fire-breathing statue] Spare them, Pai Mei. Destroy me instead. As you say, I am old and—
Pai Mei: Uh, I'm over here.
Shifu: [looks at Pai Mei] Of course. [puts on glasses] I am old and at the end of my life.
Po: That's not true, Master Shifu. You're still young and vital.
Shifu: You're wrong, Po. You opened my eyes today. I am old!
[Shifu raises his eyebrows at Po twice.]
Pai Mei: Wha?
[Shifu clears his throat and winks at Po.]
Shifu: [sighs] Old and feeble.
Po: Oh! Yeah. He's… he's pretty old.
Shifu: Yeah. What do you say?
Pai Mei: Ah, you are hardly worth fighting. You remind me of my grandfather.
Shifu: That's nice.
Pai Mei: I hated my grandfather! [kicks Shifu] Unlike you, my great learning has kept me young.
Shifu: Your artistry is truly magnificent. [falls back to a fire-breathing statue] I… I would be honored if you would finish me… with your blast punch.
Pai Mei: [chuckles] Done.
[As Pai Mei attacks, Shifu dodges it and lets the statue explode.]
Shifu: Sorry. My old, weak legs gave out. Try it again. [dodges] I flinched. [dodges many more times]
Pai Mei: Wait, you have misled me with lies from your face. You are not old, or feeble.
Shifu: No. In fact, I'm feeling pretty… [tosses out glasses and cane] sprytastic! [punches Pai Mei]
Shifu: I just needed a little time to analyze your moves.
Pai Mei: What?
Shifu: [punches Pai Mei again] Hoi-cha! [As Pai Mei stumbles to the entrance of the tournament’s final area, Shifu destroys the entrance with a newly learned Five-Fingered Blast Punch. Pai Mei falls from a great height and is defeated.] Class dismissed. [blows fist]
[As Shifu is about to show an energetic display of arrogance, he pauses and then breathes deeply.]
[The scene cuts to Shifu and Chao standing on stage in the Valley of Peace. Po stands with the Five with the flag in his hands.]
Chao: And now, congratulations to our teams.
Shifu: I believe you dropped this. [hands flag to the masters]
Shifu: Winning is only one part of the competition, Po.
Po: Yeah, and the other part is losing!
[Chao hands the prize box to the masters.]
Master #1: We showed you, Jade Palace losers!
Shifu: [takes back box] Hmph. I changed my mind.
[The masters look down in sadness.]
Po: We won a box! We won a— [Monkey frowns at him.] Oh. Right. [opens box] Sweet! [As Po holds up a smaller box, Monkey looks at Po in confusion.]
Mantis: That is a nice box.
Chao: What were you thinking, Shifu? I would never try to replace you. With age comes wisdom!
Shifu: I know, Master Chao. I suppose I let my imagination run away with me. But if you ever change your mind, just remember. Old warriors, like me, are a force to be reckoned with. [Shifu turns around and bumps into a post.] Ow! [Po and the Five cringe.] Has anyone seen my glasses?
[End of Act 3]
[End of transcript]