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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Hometown Hero" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Kevin Seccia. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode opens up to Po and Shifu doing yoga in the Training Hall's courtyard. The Furious Five sit on the steps to the Training Hall and watch.]
SHIFU: Yoga begins by centering your energy. [Takes a form. Po stumblingly copies Shifu's form.] Only then can you allow the chi to flow in, down, and back out. [Takes another form. Po attempts to copy the form, but is unable to.] Breathing is key.
PO: Breathe. How's this? [Inhales loudly.]
SHIFU: Breathe out. [Po exhales loudly.] Breathe in. [Po inhales loudly.] Breathe out. [Po exhales loudly.] Breathe in. [Po inhales loudly.] Breathe out. [Po exhales loudly.]
[Shifu stops commanding Po and he continues breathing loudly.]
PO: I feel like I'm breathing too much! Passing out. [Falls to the ground on Shifu. The five cringe at his fall. Shifu hits Po up into the air. Po falls away from Shifu.] That was awesome! I do feel at peace. [Give Shifu a fist-in-palm solute.]
[Mantis walks up to Shifu. Shifu opens the tube and tilts it to his hand. A very small scroll comes out and he hands it to Mantis.]
VIPER: What does it say?
MANTIS: It says, "Need your help. Urgent. -Hao Ming." [Gasps.] Hao Ming!
PO: What's a Hao Ming?
MANTIS: (Passionately) She's the most Mantis in the world, (Normally) and my ex-fiancée.
PO: Wait, what?! You were gonna get married?
MANTIS: Yeah, but it didn't work out. She must be in trouble. I need to go back to my village.
[Viper and Tigress approach.]
VIPER: We'll go with you.
MANTIS: Uh hmm, you know what? That's okay, my village doesn't really like snakes, sorry, or Tigers, or Monkeys, or Cranes. It's a really small town.
PO: What about me? Can...
PO: You don't even know what I'm going to say.
MANTIS: You want to come.
PO: [Ducks down to Mantis.] Love to.
MANTIS: [Drops the scroll.] Really, it's best if I go alone. [Hops away.]
PO: Huh, that's weird, I mean, who wouldn't want to bring the Dragon Warrior back to their hometown with them?
SHIFU: Po, follow Mantis in case he needs backup.
PO: Ooh, Dragon Warrior stealth mode. [Strikes a pose.] Quiet. A cat. [Strikes another pose near Tigress, hitting her in the face. Tigress growls and scorns Po.] See, quiet. Bye. [Quickly leaves.]
[The scene transitions to Mantis traveling on a path in a forest. Po quickly runs by behind him. Mantis looks back and Po quickly runs by in front of him.]
MANTIS: Wait, huh...
[Mantis continues moving, and Po jumps to where Mantis was and follows him. Po climbs down a tree behind Mantis. He then jumps behind a rock, and then behind some trees. Po quietly hums as he stocks Mantis. Po climbs up the trees and walks across some of the tree canopy. He then slides down a tree and falls behind a rock.]
PO: Stealth mode, Dragon Warrior mental stealth log, entry one. I've been following Mantis for a day and a half now, and he has no idea. I've...
[Po freezes. Mantis sits on top of the rock.]
PO: Oh, hey, Mantis, what're... I was... Hey, what're you doin' all the way out here?
[Mantis jumps on Po and twists his arm behind his back.]
PO: Shifu wanted me to follow you. Guess he thought something was up.
MANTIS: What? Up, hey, that's crazy. [Starts walking Po away.] Lets just go back to the Jade Palace.
PO: But we're almost there. I wanna see where you grew up. [Gets Mantis off of his hand.]
MANTIS: [Jumps to Po's eye level as he speaks.] Yeah um, how 'bou you wait here... And keep an eye out... And I'll go see what's happening... [Lands on Po's shoulder.] Come on, then I'll come back and get you. What do ya' say buddy?
PO: But we're already here.
[The camera zooms out, revealing that they are about to pass through the town gate.]
MANTIS: Uh, Po, listen there's something I need to tell you. You see, a couple years ago, Hao Ming left me crouching at the altar.
PO: Did she forget something?
MANTIS: [Begins crying.] My heart.
PO: No, your teeny tiny little heart!
MANTIS: I was out of my mind.
PO: Teeny tiny little mind!
MANTIS: I was mad and I wanted her to regret it so I told a lie.
PO: A teeny tiny little...
MANTIS: I get it! I'm small! [Jumps over to a nearby rock.]
PO: I don't like that some lady broke your heart, even if it is tiny.
MANTIS: Thanks Po. You're a real friend. That's why I gotta tell you something.
FEMALE VILLAGER: Oh, it's the Dragon Warrior!
MALE VILLAGER: The Dragon Warrior's here!
[A crowd of villagers runs toward them and cheers. Po smiles and stands out.]
PO: Aw, you told people I was coming?!
[The crowd comes and picks up Mantis.]
CROWD: Long live the Dragon Warrior! Long live the Dragon Warrior! Long live the Dragon Warrior!
PO: [Left puzzled.] Mantis?
[End of Act 1]
[Mantis is brought into the village on a stand by a couple of villagers.]
VILLAGERS: Long live the Dragon Warrior! Long live the Dragon Warrior!
MANTIS: Thank you fans, it's great to be back home.
MAYOR PIG: Let us now celebrate his triumphant return, with the Jig of Happy!
VILLAGERS: The Jig of Happy!
[They put Mantis on a barrel. The villagers start dancing in unison. Po sneaks over to Mantis]
PO: So buddy, anything you wanna fill me in on? Anything at all that I should maybe know about? This ringin' any bells?
MANTIS: Okay, okay, I wanted to seem like a big shot, so I could burn my ex-girlfriend for dumping me, so I told everyone, I was the Dragon Warrior.
MANTIS: [Gasps.] There she is.
[The two look over to Hao Ming, who is dancing with the crowd.]
PO: She definitely knows how to move her pointy- dealies.
MANTIS: Look, don't worry, I'll tell everyone as soon as they're done. Even if she sees I'm a total fraud, a loser.
PO: [Smiles.] Or, you could just keep on being the Dragon Warrior!
MANTIS: Wha-?! But...
PO: It's okay. As your friend, I give you permission to be me, and rub her tiny little nose in it.
MANTIS: Oh, [Jumps on Po.] that would be really, really, great. Uh, but wait, if I'm the Dragon Warrior, who are you?
PO: I could be your sidekick!
PO: There's just one problem, my awesomeness. [Mantis stares blankly at Po.] Hmm, I have to find a way to hide my natural bodacity. I need a costume and props. Yeah, yeah a whole sidekick persona!
MAYOR PIG: Mantis, join us, Dragon Warrior.
[Mantis jumps off of Po. The scene changes to the villagers gathering up in a house.]
PIG 1: Please welcome, the Dragon Warrior. [Mantis is brought in on a stand.] And his sidekick.
[Po walks in with an eye patch and cane. He slams into the door.]
PO: This eye patch is gonna take some getting used to. [Stands next to Mantis.] Greetings all! [Makes a stupid noise and sticks out his tongue to which the villagers find strange. Talks to Mantis.] Thought I'd add some weird noises to the sidekick thing for a little flavor. [Clicks his tongue.]
HAO MING: So nice to see you again, Dragon Warrior. [Bows to Mantis.]
MANTIS: Oh, hello Miss?
HAO MING: Hao.
MANTIS: Hao. Yes, I think I got one of your urgent messages that was in a pile of urgent messages.
HAO MING: It was an urgent message. But it was more about me urgently missing you.
HAO MING: There's an empty seat next to mine, Dragon Warrior.
MANTIS: I suppose, [Gets up and follows Hao Ming.] as long as there's nothing blocking me if I have to be awesome.
[Mantis winks at Po, to which he responds in the same way.]
PIG 2: So, Po, being the Dragon Warrior's sidekick, you must be a bit of a Kung Fu Master yourself eh?
[Mantis quickly glances toward Po.]
PO: Uh, me? [Laughs.] No way, I'm hopeless with that stuff. I leave it up to the awesome Dragon Warrior! [Points to Mantis.] Yeah, I wouldn't know a Nun from a Chuk. [Makes a stupid noise and plants his head in a bowl.]
HAO MING: So, how did you come to be the Dragon Warrior's sidekick?
[Po looks up nervously.]
MANTIS: Uh, yeah, uh, how did that happen?
PO: Uh, well, uh, the Dragon Warrior, who is totally amazing, saved my life.
[A 2-D animated sequence begins. Po stands in a plain white landscape.]
PO (Voice Over): See I used to be a dirt-poor farmer [A rice hat and shovel appear on Po.] of- dirt.
[A dirt landscape appears. Po starts digging.]
PO (V.O.): And one day I was diggin' in, you know, dirt, and I woke a sleeping dirt... [A dirt monster comes out of the ground.] No, I mean, rock monster!
[A large rock monster comes out of the ground and picks up Po and starts slamming him into the ground repeatedly.]
PO (V.O.): Not knowing any Kung Fu myself I figured I was done for. When suddenly, out of nowhere, the awesomely bodacious Dragon Warrior appeared, awesomely.
[Mantis appears on a distant hilltop.]
PO (V.O.): From the ground where I lay helpless, I was able to view the most phenomenal display of Dragon Warrior skills ever seen by Panda eyes.
[Mantis kicks the rock monster and cracks it.]
PO (V.O.): It was so awesome, one of my eyes actually closed forever.
[Po's eye shuts.]
PO (V.O.): Legend has it, that it never again wanted to look upon something that wasn't as awesome as the Dragon Warrior himself.
[The rock monster explodes. Po kneels before Mantis.]
PO (V.O.): I begged him to let me be his sidekick, and, even though I wasn't qualified, he let me hang around.
[Mantis nods and the 2-D animation ends.]
PO: His life really turned around after you; he's got lady friends out the wazoo now. Guess you missed the boat lady.
HAO MING: It's true, I have always regretted leaving you. You were the most...
MANTIS: I love you too!
PO: Ooh, burned! Take that... Wait, what?
MANTIS: I've never forgotten you either.
PO: Yes you did, you completely forgot her, "Hao who?"
MANTIS: No I di-...
PO: [Grabs Mantis.] You're blowing it! Stop saying fru-fru stuff 'cause she's totally not regretting it!
MANTIS: Yeah, fru-fru. [Winks and walks over to Hao Ming.] Hao, [Stares at Hao Ming.] will you have this humble hero as your boyfriend?
HAO MING: Yes.
[Hao Ming and Mantis Hug, to which Po sighs.]
DOSU: Liar! [Jumps on the table.] Fraud, you're no hero!
MANTIS: I can explain!
DOSU: [Knocks plates around.] You say you're the Dragon Warrior but really you're nothing but... [Mantis becomes tense and Po makes a stupid sound.] A girlfriend thief!
DOSU: You took my lady and you will pay for it!
MANTIS: Hao, who's this old guy?
HAO MING: Ugh, that's my ex-fiancé.
MANTIS: When did you break up?
DOSU: Two hours and seventeen ago, because of you, Dragon Warrior!
HAO MING: Because I realized the truth of me loving [Hugs Mantis.] you.
DOSU: Because you're the Dragon Warrior!
HAO MING: Not true! I love Mantis for who he is.
[Dosu is irritated.]
SAI SO: [Walks up to Po.] You're going to be so sorry. [Whistles.]
PO: Who are you little guy?
SAI SO: I'm Sai So, Dosu's sidekick. [Whistles.]
PO: Oh wow, the whistling, nice touch. I'm stuck with this big loud thing. [Makes a stupid noise.]
DOSU: We challenge you and your sidekick to a fight so we know who the real hero is! Tomorrow, noon, the Town Square, don't be late.
PO: Oh, we'll be there.
[Dosu breaks down the door as he leaves.]
SAI SO: See ya' suckers. [Whistles.]
PO: They seem nice. [Makes a stupid noise and hits his head on the table.]
[The scene changes to Po sleeping. Mantis arrives humming. He jumps on Po's face.]
PO: [Wakes up.] Mantis?
MANTIS: What an amazing nose you have, Po. Beautiful. [Kisses his nose.]
PO: Uh, you okay?
MANTIS: Am I okay? [Falls to the floor laughing.] Yes! [Throws Po off the bed.] I'm fantastic. The Dragon Warrior thing worked. She likes me Po, [Jumps at Po. Po hits him away.] She's crazy about me. [Po catches Mantis.] And I'm, I'm in love.
PO: That wasn't supposed to happen!
MANTIS: I know! [Kicks Po.]
PO: Better save that kicking for the fight!
MANTIS: [Lands.] Ooh! Right, the fight, I forgot all about that. Hao and I made plans to lie in the grass and look up at the clouds, and say they look like bunnies, and elephants and stuff.
PO: I can't fight those guys Mantis, if I start fighting them, they'll see I'm actually good! So good that they'll figure out that I'm the Dragon Warrior, and Hao will know, you're not.
[Mantis becomes terrified and yells.]
MANTIS: [Jumps on Po.] That can't happen Po, I'm in love! I'm in love! Po you cannot fight those guys. I'll be there. [Jumps away.] Uh, noon. [Leaves.]
[At the Town Square at noon, Po, Dosu, and Sai So have a standoff. But Mantis still hasn't shown up.]
PO: I'm sure he'll be here, prob'ly got caught up doing something- awesome. [Makes a stupid noise. Dosu becomes impatient.] Yeah, I wish I could help, but it's not like beating up a homeless, half-blind guy, with a bum leg is really gonna quench your... [A pig hits a gong and Sai So attacks Po.] Watch the face, the butt is better, I don't eat with it. [He eventually throws Sai So. Then Dosu attacks him and throws him around at at the ground.]
DOSU: Tell the Dragon Warrior we'll be back here at two! He'd better show up if he knows what's good for him. And you too.
[Po hits his head on the ground. Back at the room, Mantis arrives.]
MANTIS: [Hums.] Ooh Po! Aw man, what happened?
PO: There was a fight, at noon.
MANTIS: Aw! I'm so sorry Po, I'm a little goofy on love. There was this one cloud, and it-it just had this sort of...
MANTIS: Sorry, are you okay?
PO: Nothing hurt but my pride. And a couple of ribs. And I've lost the feeling in two fingers, but, you can do me a solid by kicking those guys butts at two o'clock.
MANTIS: And that's just what I'm gonna do. Right after Hao takes me to meet her parents.
MANTIS: I know! Isn't it great? Do you know how many girls have taken me to meet their parents?
MANTIS: Less! [Jumps on Po's cane.] I am really making progress! And I owe it all, to you.
PO: [Sighs.] I'm happy for you Mantis, but I'm serious man, you need to be there at two.
MANTIS: You can count on me pal. But don't fight them. [Leaves.]
[Po, Dosu, and Sai So meet at the Town Square at two, without Mantis again.]
PO: Pretty sure he's just a couple if blocks away, 'cause the Dragon Warriors work is never.
[The gong goes off. Po gets beat up and the scene transitions to him falling on his bed in the . Mantis shows up.]
MANTIS: I can do six.
[Po reaches for Mantis but he leaves. The scene transitions to the three fighting again at six. Dosu and Sai So take weapons and beat up Po.
The scene changes to Mantis looking at a painting of Hao Ming. A cough is heard and a tooth lands near him.]
MANTIS: Po! Oh, is it six o'clock already?
PO: It's nine. [Limps in.]
MANTIS: Hey, you actually look like you need that crutch now.
PO: I do need this crutch now. And listen to this. [Puts a hand on his chest and crunches the bones.] Bones aren't supposed to sound like that, Mantis.
MANTIS: Aw, I'm sorry, look, next time...
PO: There's not gonna be a next time. You're a disgrace to the Dragon Warrior name!
PO: Don't "Po" me Mantis. The Dragon Warrior is supposed to be there for those who need him. Not just, think about himself. [Falls.] As soon as my sight comes back, I'm leaving!
MANTIS: What? What? No, no, p-please, not now!
MANTIS: Because Hao and I are getting married!
[End of Act 2]
MANTIS: Isn't it great, I'm gonna marry the girl of my dreams!
PO: Marriage? That means...
MANTIS: Togetha' for eva'!
PO: [Stands up.] Mantis, are you out of your mind?! You were just going to make her a little jealous and then skedaddle! They need us in the Valley of Peace, I'm the...
PO: [Whispers.] Dragon Warrior, this is all a lie.
MANTIS: And a great idea, thanks. I'll tell her the truth eventually, shouldn't be more than a few years.
PO: Mantis, you're no the Dragon Warrior.
MANTIS: [Laughs.] Oh, you and your labels. This is bigger than that! [Jumps on Po.] Love Po! Love! It's all around us baby! [Jumps off of Po.] All the kings and queens and with all the riches of the world are nothing without love, and I've got it! Po I've got it! Right here in my little claw! How can you not be there for me? When I need you the most!
PO: All I've been is there for you! But when I needed you to be there for me, you were just there for you, and Hao! And I don't mean "And How?" I mean Hao like your girlfriend Hao.
MANTIS: I got it! But Po...
PO: No more Mantis! I'm going home. [Limps off.]
MANTIS: No Po, don't go. [..]
[Po goes out the door and Mantis sighs. Outside, Po limps along and continues ranting.]
PO: [Sighs.] Try to help a guy out, and what does it get ya'? Butt kickings and a big mouthful of disappointment. With less teeth, a-and nothing-ness. Let's see that red mantis dude and his whistling buddy take me on when I'm really trying. [Obliterates a rock by punching it, then he throws his cane and it cuts through several bamboo trees. He then jumps across several trees and lands perfectly while catching the cane as it comes back at him. As he stands still, all of the trees around him fall.] Say hello to the Dragon Warrior.
[Po is frightened when he notices that Dosu and Sai So saw him.]
DOSU: Wait... How... [Gasps.] You're the Dragon Warrior, not Mantis!
PO: Huh! Me?! [Puts the eye patch back on.] Uh, no, I'm too lame and husky to be him.
DOSU: Then how could you possibly do such amazing Kung Fu?
PO: (Meekly) Night classes.
SAI SO: We have to tell Hao, she's marrying a fraud! [Whistles.]
DOSU: Sai So, let's tear that Mantis apart!
PO: N-No! No! No! You're making a mistake! [Makes a stupid sound. Sighs.]
[Villagers sit in chairs in the Town Square as Mantis and Hao Ming stand under the altar.]
MAYOR PIG: It is the most thrilling and solemn occasion when a man and a woman decide to unite forever.
DOSU: Hao Ming! I have some interesting news for you about your Dragon Warr-...
[Po falls on Dosu.]
PO: Oh, oh my gosh. So sorry! How embarrassing. Sorry to be late, oh mighty Dragon Warrior. Keep going.
[Mantis smiles at Po. Po and Dosu fight as the wedding continues.]
MAYOR PIG: Right. Before we begin, does anyone have a jig of objection they... [Stops because of the fight.]
PO: [Puts a foot on Dosu and puts Sai So in a choke hold.] Skip that part. [Gets bitten by Sai So. Continues fighting.]
MAYOR PIG: The reading of poetry...
PO: [Pinned by Dosu and Sai So.] Skip it! [Does a thumbs up toward Mayor Pig.]
MAYOR PIG: Dragon Warrior, you may now say your vows.
MANTIS: [Holds a scroll.] Uh, I wrote these myself. [Opens the scroll, revealing it to be extremely long. Clears throat.] Remember when I was four and you were three?
PO: [Slams his hand on Dosu.] Speed it up Mantis!
MANTIS: [Frantically.] Remember when I was sixteen and you were fifteen?
[Dosu lifts Po's hand.]
MANTIS: [Frantically.] Promise to love, honor, and respect...
DOSU: Hao, that guy's ly-...
[Po squeezes Dosu and picks him up.]
PO: Weddings always make me cry. Let's just [Squeezes Dosu.] hold each other for a minute!
[Dosu punches Po in the face. Po falls and loses hold of Dosu.]
MAYOR PIG: Hao, would you like to say your vows?
HAO MING: My dearest Dragon Warrior, [Mantis looks to Po, but Hao turns his face toward herself.] since the day I first heard there was a Dragon Warrior...
[Po continues fighting Dosu and Sai So.]
HAO MING: ... I knew I wanted to be Misses Dragon Warrior.
[The words "Dragon Warrior" echo in Mantis' mind. He looks around for a few seconds and then shakes his head.]
MANTIS: No! And... [Jumps toward Sai So and kicks him deep into the forest.] ...get off my friend! [Takes a stance.]
[Dosu jumps toward Mantis and the two start fighting. They block each others attacks for a while, the n Mantis punches Dosu away. The camera zooms out and reveals that the fight only sound like a few clicks to the bystanders because they are so small. Mantis and Dosu jump into the air. Dosu kicks Mantis. They land and Mantis takes a stance. Mantis punches Dosu, then grabs him and throws him toward Hao Ming.]
DOSU: Mantis is not the Dragon Warrior!
HAO MING: If he's not the Dragon Warrior, then who is?
DOSU: This guy. [Points to Po.]
[The crowd gasps.]
PO: What? Me? The Dragon Warrior? Ridiculous, I can't even walk. [Throws his crutch and falls.] See?
MANTIS: Stop! I can't watch you do this Po, it's painful. [Jumps onto the altar.] Everyone, I am not the Dragon Warrior!
[The crowd gasps.]
HAO MING: What?! The wedding is off!
MANTIS: Not only am I not the Dragon Warrior, I'm not worthy to be him. That guy is worthy. [Points to Po.] He's my best friend, and he doesn't care if I'm the Dragon Warrior. [Po gives a proud expression.] He took several beatings and humiliated himself even more than usual. [Po's look of pride disappears.] Just so I could marry a woman who doesn't even deserve me.
HAO MING: [Scoffs.] I don't deserve you?! You don't deserve me!
MANTIS: Goodbye Hao. [Jumps off the altar.]
PO: Well Dosu, looks like your lady's back on the market. [Puts Dosu on the altar.] Good luck. [Walks away.]
DOSU: Thank you, Dragon Warrior. [Hugs Hao Ming, but she pushes him away.]
[Po starts limping away, in pain.]
MANTIS: Po, Po you can't walk like that. [Sighs.] get on my shoulders.
PO: It's okay.
MANTIS: I'll carry you. [Po looks confused.] I'll be fine. [Jumps off of Po.]
[Po slowly sits down until he crushes Mantis. Mantis slowly stands up and starts stumbling and strugglin as he lifts Po and takes him out of the village.]
[End of Act 3]
[End of Transcript]