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This article is out of universe from Kung Fu Panda. This subject has been distinguished as part of the real world and therefore should not be taken as part of the fictional universe of the Kung Fu Panda franchise. |
Episode title card
Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Kung Fu Club" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Gene Grillo. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
Act 1[]
[The episode opens up with a black screen and cheering in the background. Soon after, a pig is seen punched and spinning out of control by a water buffalo. The pig gets kicked away. Afterwards, Apple Cart Duck is seen charging towards the buffalo, but he gets kicked, and is quickly defeated. Then, a small rabbit from behind gets kicked. Apple Cart Duck then gets up, but is punched, and set to the floor. A goat stands in a position to fight, but is knocked away by the horns of the water buffalo. Apple Cart Duck then gets stretched, and is thrown to a pig. Soon after, most of the spectators get a beating, with the water buffalo screaming in victory. The remaining spectators boo at the buffalo.]
BUFFALO
Which one of you losers is next?
[The spectators continue booing. A snow leopard is then seen proceeding to the middle.]
LIAN
You're new here, so I'll remind you: Our first rule is that we treat each other with respect.
BUFFALO
Look, girly. So far, this kung fu club of yours is pathetic. Now bring me someone I can crush!
VOICE
How about me, loudmouth?
[A masked snow leopard is seen standing on a ring, and jumping towards the center.]
[The water buffalo then starts laughing.]
BUFFALO
What's with the corny mask? Am I supposed to be scared--
[Before the buffalo can finish his sentence, he gets kicked into the air.]
[The scene then switches to the Training Hall. Inside, Po is seen training with the Adversary.]
PO
Take this, old enemy.
[Po punches the Adversary, but it bounces off the wall, and hits Po.]
PO
Sure! Hit a guy when he's not looking.
[From behind, Po kicks the Adversary up into the ceiling, where it gets stuck, while Po lands with the splits. Shifu enters.]
SHIFU
Po?
[Po lies down on the ground.]
SHIFU
Sorry to disturb your training, but something serious has just come up.
PO
Oh my gosh! We're out of sticky buns?!
[Po begins to panic.]
SHIFU
I wish.
PO
You wish we were out of sticky buns? What kind of monster are--
SHIFU
Just look at this.
[Shifu shows Po a scroll. Po takes the scroll and begins reading it, still while looking at Shifu.]
PO
[Reading] "Kung fu club. Martial arts for the average guy. Personal combat nightly. Tell no one." [Normal] A secret kung fu fight club? This is serious... Seriously awesome! Yeah!
[Po begins to dance, while Shifu yanks the scroll away.]
SHIFU
It is not awesome. It's dangerous! The unskilled could be seriously hurt. That's why training is only permitted at sanctioned palaces like ours--
[Po quickly takes the scroll away.]
PO
Still! Check out that logo. It's all: Pow! Wham! Fight me!
[Po ends up with a stance with one leg in the air, and the scroll in Shifu's face. Shifu puts the scroll aside.]
SHIFU
Po, this is not kung fu. This is hooliganism. I want you to find the club and shut it down. [Walks away]
PO
Will do, Master Shifu. Nothing escapes my penetrating gaze.
[At that moment, the Adversary from before lands on him.]
[The scene switches to the village, where Po is walking among the villagers.]
PO
So, who looks like they belong to a secret underground fighting club?
[Po stops Apple Cart Duck and stares at him. He takes an apple, and the both continue along. While eating the apple, Po spots a villager. He jumps into the air, and knocks her groceries away. The pig runs off screaming. Po then spots another pig sleeping. He pokes his belly. The pig opens his mouth, and Po leaves in disgust. Po then approaches a metal pot, and keeps an eye on it.]
PO
If only there was some way to tell who...
[At that moment, Po sees a duck, a goat with a cast and a pig with crouches and a broken foot walking by.]
PO
'Sup.
[Po keeps an eye on them until the pig stops. Po turns around and acts casual, just whistling. The pig continues on, while Po turns around. Po then slowly hides from a building, and watches the three villagers. The three approach a building. The goat knocks, and a little door opens up. The goat whispers something, and the door opens up. The three enter.]
PO
Secretive gathering at the Old Mill. Cool!
[Po gets carried away, and proceeds to knock on the door.]
DOORMAN
Password?
PO
[Clears his throat] Uhh...
[Po continues stammering while the doorman starts closing the door.]
PO
Smash-a-palooza! [The door shuts.] Darn!
[Po is initially upset, but then sees an open window.]
[The scene then switches to inside the club, where Po is seen tumbling down a flight of stairs. At that moment, Po sees a snow leopard and a pig fighting in the distance.]
PO
Sweet!
[Po then makes a noise, which is heard by a goat. Po hides. The goat then turns his attention back to the fight.
Po looks around, and then sees a set of armor. What Po ends up doing is using a bucket to cover his head, while using a hole as a peephole.]
PO
Ooh! Reverse Jackal Punch! Nice.
[Po then sees the pig and leopard jumping up into the air, with both falling down.]
PO
Exploding Weasel Kick! Sneaky.
[The two fighters continue to fight.]
PO
Shake it off!
[The snow leopard ends up wrapping herself around the pig's arm, knocking him out.]
PO
Yes! Bring the bodacity! [Picks up a nearby bunny and pig, and sets them down.]
[Lian and the pig gets up from the fight.]
LIAN
Good effort. Next time, keep your left up and you'll do fine. So, I see some new faces tonight, and we all know the third rule of Kung Fu Club.
CLUB
No matter height, weight or might, all members fight.
PO
Sounds reasonab-- heyyy!
[A bunny then grabs Po, and pushes him to the center.]
LIAN
What's your name, new guy?
PO
Po--ONG. Uh, Po-ong, the wool gatherer?
LIAN
Right... Mongo, you're up!
[A small pig then jumps into the center.]
PO
Umm, maybe we should talk about this.
LIAN
It's okay, new guy. Just believe in yourself.
[Lian pushes Po right towards the pig.]
PO
But, uh, I don't want to hurt this poor little guy. It's not fair--
[The pig quickly delivers a side kick to Po, hurting Po. While Po yells in pain, his bucket falls off his head.]
GOAT
It's the Dragon Warrior!
PIG
That jig is up! Run!
[The whole club then goes into chaos.]
PO
Attention everyone! I'm really sorry, your club is awesome, but... [Sighs] On behalf of the Jade Palace, I'm going to have to shut you down.
VOICE
We'll see about that.
[Po turns around, and sees a leopard with masked clothing.]
PO
Right. Okay, sweet mask, but I'm not here to fight--
[The leopard kicks Po into the air, and he crashes into a column.]
BUNNY
It's on!
[All the villagers stop running, and go to watch the fight.]
PO
Well, I guess I could fight a little bit.
[The snow leopard and Po get into their stances, and begin to fight. The leopard attacks first, charging at Po. Po throws the leopard to a column, but the leopard gathers himself, climbs the column, and jumps into the air. The leopard and Po begin fighting.]
PO
Hey, you're not bad.
LEOPARD
Thanks.
[The leopard continues to attack, but Po manages to dodge them.]
PO
Okay, no more Mr. Nice Panda.
[Po then proceeds to attack, but the leopard dodges them, and the leopard kicks Po into the stomach, sending him back.]
PO
Good fight, but I still gotta shut you down, whoever you are.
[The leopard takes off his mask.]
PO
[Gasp] Peng?
[Peng turns and does a kick to Po's face, knocking him out.]
[End of Act 1]
Act 2[]
[The act opens up with Lian and Peng seen, but blurry.]
PENG
Come on, Po. Po!
[Peng touches Po's cheeks. He finally awakes, and starts charging towards Peng.]
PO
Furry treachery!
[He gets his foot stuck in a bucket. He tries to get it off, but it ends up falling on his head.]
PENG
Whoa, hey, take it easy, Po! You've been out for a while. Sorry about the kick. Sometimes I get carried away.
LIAN
Ya think?
PO
[Gets up] Peng? You're behind this? But, I thought you quit kung fu because of your, you know, being related to Tai Lung and other sundry... issues?
PENG
I did, but I realized that the problem wasn't with me; it was the so-called champions of kung fu.
[Start of flashback.]
PENG (VOICEOVER)
Sure, the masters of the great palaces are heroes...
[Po and the Furious Five are seen outside the Jade Palace, with the entire valley cheering for them.]
PENG (V.O.)
...but they keep the secrets of kung fu to themselves.
[The Jade Palace doors close.]
PENG (V.O.)
But the masters can't be everywhere.
[A shadow starts looming over the valley.]
PENG (V.O.)
And without those skills, the common folk are helpless.
[Villains starts showing up.]
PENG (V.O.)
Lian and I decided to do something about it.
[Lian and Peng show up and quickly defeat the villains. Peng and Lian smile at each other.]
PENG (V.O.)
The club started to grow. We worked hard, but it was great, and for fun!
[Lian and Peng begin training, with several others starting to show up.]
PENG (V.O.)
Whoever was the top fighter got to wear the Mask of Triumph.
[Peng is seen wearing the Mask of Triumph.]
PENG (V.O.)
I had a new sense of purpose, Po.
[The scene zooms out to reveal Peng is standing on a bridge. A pennant falls down. All cheer for Peng.]
PENG (V.O.)
And for the first time in my life, I was happy.
[End of flashback.]
LIAN
[Angrily] But now that's over because you want to shut us down!
PENG
Save your breath, Lian. Po's one of the high and mighty masters. [Crosses arms] It's his job to keep the power out of the hands of the common folk.
PO
That's not fair, Peng! I'm honor-bound to uphold ancient tradition. And that's why, [Crazily] I totally want to join your club because it's so awesome!
[Lian and Peng look at each other shocked and confused.]
PENG
Really?!
PO
Yes! It's just what this town needs: kung fu for the average guy. It's genius.
LIAN
A real master in our club would be amazing! He could help train new members.
PO
Exactly. They'll be all, "Ooh, we're just simple villagers," then I'll be all, "Fear the thundah!" [He acts out some kung fu moves.] And then they'll be all, POW! WHAM! ZAH!
[Po then realizes the stance he's currently in.]
PENG
Are you sure Po?
PO
This is more important. I know you, Peng. You have a good heart. If you believe in this club, then I do too.
[Peng smiles at Po before going to hug Lian.]
LIAN & PENG
Yes!
PENG
You could even wear the mask if you want.
PO
You ever wash this thing?
PENG
Not a once.
[Po grabs the mask and starts sniffing it.]
PO
Awesome! [Sighs] Wait! What am I going to tell Shifu?
[The scene switches to the Training Hall courtyard.]
SHIFU
Did you find out anything?
[Po begins to speak, but remembers he has to keep it a secret. Shifu looks at him confused. Po takes off.]
PO
Good talk!
[The scene switches back to the kung fu club arena.]
PENG
Welcome back, everyone, to the new and improved kung fu club! You all know our newest member.
[Peng points at Po.]
PO
'Sup, guys.
[Everyone looks at him blank.]
PO
I hope you're ready to shake things up, Jade Palace style!
[Po does a few kung fu moves.]
BUNNY
But Po, we're just regular guys. We can never learn to fight like you.
PO
Not with that attitude. Look, anyone can do kung fu. And I'll prove it.
[Po approaches Apple Cart Duck.]
PO
Apple Cart Duck, when I'm ready, I want you to hit me as hard as you--
[While Po is turned around, Apple Cart Duck hits him hard. The club and Apple Cart Duck are shocked.]
PO
[While in pain] Not quite ready, but nice job. [Clears throat] See, if he can do it, so can you.
[The club starts cheering. Peng looks on impressed.]
[The training begins. First, Po and Peng are seen sparring. They stop fighting, and see a pig attempting to hit a water buffalo, while Apple Cart Duck runs away from a rabbit attack. They look at each other.]
[Then, Po and Peng practice with the other, kung fu stances and moves. Later on, Po and Peng watch the club members train.]
[Po then starts singing, while scenes of the training appear.]
[First, a goat and pig are seen sparring.]
PO
♫ Kung fu fight club. Pow! Wham! Zah! Huh! Kung fu fight club. Fatah! Sprong! It's a fight club, with a kung fu theme. ♫
[More members are seen fighting and practice moves.]
PO
♫ Pow! Wham! Zah! Bang! Kung fu fight club. ♫
[Even more members are now seen practicing moves.]
PO
♫ Kung fu fight club. ♫
[The scene freezes with Po and a bunch of members doing kicks in the air.]
[The scene switches to presumably later on, when all the club members are gone, except for Po, Peng and Lian.]
PENG
Po, the last few weeks have been amazing.
LIAN
Yeah, those guys are really learning how to handle themselves.
PO
I know! That's why I think it's time to take things to the next level.
PENG
What do you mean?
PO
We have one big night where we invite the entire Valley of Peace. When the valley gets a load of how awesome you guys are, kung fu clubs will start springing up everywhere!
[Later on, a bunch of members are seen walking together in a bamboo forest. A croc and pig show up.]
THUG #1
Hey! Don't you know this route is dangerous?
THUG #2
Yeah! Give us your money. We'll protect for ya.
[A bunny smiles and then leaps out to knock the croc out. He then does the same to the pig bandit. The croc then attempts to punch a pig, but gets his arm pinned behind his back. The pig is then seen running, and punches the croc. The pig is taken out, and so does the croc. After a few more moves, both of them are seen running.]
BUNNY
Take that, losers! I learned that move from the Dragon Warrior himself.
ALL MEMBERS
Shakabooey!
[The scene switches to Camelback Mountain.]
THUG #2
They pushed us down, and they said hurtful things. And then they beat us up.
[The pig bandit starts crying.]
TONG FO
Ohh, shut up! My best thugs have been getting creamed all month by a bunch of schleps. And now, I know why. The Dragon Warrior is their leader, but he won't be, for long.
[The scene switches back to the kung fu club, where Peng and Lian are sweeping away teeth on the floor.]
PENG
Imagine, kung fu clubs everywhere.
LIAN
It's amazing. We're really making a difference.
PENG
This is what we were meant to do, Lian. This is where we belong.
LIAN
I know. We got our whole lives ahead of us.
TONG FO
That may be a shorter time frame then you had hoped.
[Peng and Lian look around before two gorilla thugs take each of them from behind. Peng gets pulled from behind, and sees a chain dangling. Then, Peng sees Tong Fo.]
[End of Act 2]
Act 3[]
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[The act opens up with Po singing in the barracks].
PO
♫ Kung fu fight club. ♫ Big night tonight. Everyone's going to be there. Everyone?
[The scene switches to inside the Hall of Warriors, where Shifu is sorting through scrolls.]
PO
Uhh, Master Shifu.
[Shifu bumps his head on one of the shelves.]
PO
I just saw Master Yao in the forest. He wants to see you right away.
SHIFU
Master Yao... [Bumps head again.] Master Yao!? What was he wearing... I mean what was he doing in the forest.
PO
You know, mystical forestry stuff. He said you should come right away and go nowhere near the village tonight. Weird huh?
SHIFU
But...
PO
Love to come, but he said you should go alone. Anyway, gotta run. Another good talk.
[Shifu thinks about what Po just said.]
[The scene switches back to inside the Kung Fu Club, with Peng and Lian tied up.]
TONG FO
So, Peng, old buddy. You and the panda have been giving folks the idea that they could stand up to my thugs.
PENG
That's the point.
TONG FO
It was, cuz tonight, you're going to help me eliminate the Dragon Warrior for good, with this.
[The gorilla thug shows a needle with a drop of amber liquid on it.]
TONG FO
One prick, with this poison little beauty, and your chubby pal is history.
PENG
You're crazy, why would I do that?
TONG FO
Cuz, otherwise, your girlfriend meets an untimely, not to mention untidy end.
[The other gorilla thug pulls Lian by the tail, hangs her upside down, and points a sword towards her.]
PENG
Leave her alone!
TONG FO
Sorry chum. Cunning beats kung fu every time.
PENG
I, I can't. Po's my friend.
[A gorilla bandit points a finger at Peng, allowing Tong Fo to walk down.]
TONG FO
Yeah, I know it's a tough choice, but your Tai Lung's bad boy nephew. We both know you got it in you. Embrace your dark side kid. It's your fate. You were meant to be a villain. [Pulls out a needle.]
[The scene switches to the village, where villagers, including Shifu wearing a hat and glasses as a disguise, are heading inside the Old Mill.]
[The scene switches back inside the Old Mill, this time with villagers and Shifu present.]
[Around the club, Tong Fo and this thugs are seen wandering around. Peng then walks in with an angry expression on his face. Some of Tong Fo's thugs watch. One bunny hits a pig thug, and then the pig growls.]
PO
Check out this crowd. Hey, where's Peng and Lian?
BUFFALO
Haven't seen them.
PO
How could they miss this? Well, the crowd's getting chancy. Let's get started. [Walks to middle.] Hello Valley of Peace. Welcome to Kung Fu Club.
[The audience cheers, while Shifu watches in shock.]
SHIFU
I don't believe it. How can Po disobey me, for this.
TONG FO
[Talking to Peng.] Okay kid. Go out there and be who you were meant to be. And remember, no funny stuff, or your girlfriend is history.
[Peng watches a gorilla thug take away Lian.]
[Peng looks at the needle in his hand, and proceeds to the middle.]
PO
So, who's up for the first fight?
PENG
[With the needle behind his back] I am.
AUDIENCE
Ooh.
SHIFU
Peng too? Disgraceful.
[While Tong Fo and one of his thugs watch the fight, Lian starts breaking the rope with one of her claws.]
[The scene switches back to the center, where Po and Peng are about to fight.]
PO
Good idea buddy. Let's start off the night with a bang. [Turns around] So who...
[Before Po can finish his sentence, Peng delivers a punch to him.]
AUDIENCE
Ooh.
PO
Hey! What gives? I wasn't ready...
[Peng delivers another punch and attempts some more. Po manages to dodge the punches, while the audience cheers. Po and Peng continue fighting, until Po uses his belly to push him back. Peng gathers himself, and the two continue to fight. Po throws Peng, but he rebounds off a post, and delivers a kick to Po, which knocks him down.]
TONG FO
Ooh!
SHIFU
Okay, that was impressive.
PO
Peng, take it down a notch.
[Po and Peng continue fighting.]
PENG
[While fighting] I'm sorry Po. Every time I try to do something good, it goes horribly wrong.
[Peng manages to sneak behind Po, and pins his arms behind his back.]
SHIFU
Knock his block off.
PENG
It's Tong Fo. He's got Lian.
PO
Tong Fo?
TONG FO
What's going on?
PENG
Sorry Po. This is my path. It's the only way to save her. [Shows out needle.] You were wrong to believe in me.
[Tong Fo watches as Peng charges towards Po with the needle in his hand. Po gasps, as the audience continues to cheer. Peng pins Po to a post. The audience gasps.]
PO
Peng, no!
[Peng attempts to stab Po with the needle.]
PO
[While struggling to break free.] I wasn't wrong Peng. You're a hero, and you're my friend, and that's never gonna change.
SHIFU
Get on with it. We came here to see a fight, not a dance.
TONG FO
Finish him already.
PO
Peng, you know what you gotta do.
PENG
Yes I do.
[Peng stabs Po in the face, much to Tong Fo's pleasure. Po falls to the floor. Tong Fo and his thugs smile. Peng walks to the middle, and tosses the needle in front of Shifu.]
PENG
At long last, I have finally defeated the Dragon Warrior. [Looks at Tong Fo.] Now that it's all over, all I can say is... now!
[Peng instantly locks arms with Po, and Peng is thrown up to one of the talon rings. He swings across the room, knocking out two of Tong Fo's thugs. Tong Fo watches shocked.]
TONG FO
It's a double cross, get up.
[Tong Fo's thugs start charging towards the middle. Po, in one move, is able to defeat them all. Tong Fo snaps, commanding his gorilla thug to fight. The gorilla roars and pounds its chest, and charges towards Peng. Peng smiles, as he jumps over the gorilla, and knocks him down from behind. Peng then starts walking to Tong Fo. A buffalo thug tries to attack from behind, but Peng knocks him out without looking.]
TONG FO
No.
[Peng grabs Tong Fo, and pins him to a wall.]
PENG
Release Lian, now!
SHIFU
Tong Fo.
TONG FO
We had a deal chum. Your girlfriend is toast.
PENG
No!
TONG FO
Any last words?
LIAN
[Out of sight] I do.
[Tong Fo looks to the side shocked, as Lian knocks down the gorilla bandit that held her captive.]
LIAN
[Echoing] Free fight!
[For a few seconds, there is silence, but soon after, all the club members get involved. The club members charge towards the middle, and defeat the thugs.]
CLUB MEMBERS
Shakabooey!
[A goat punches a pig thug, knocking one of his tooth out. Meanwhile, Apple Cart Duck slams a croc thug onto the ground. Shifu also gets involved, as he's charging at a buffalo thug, and defeats several others. From above, a rabbit swings from a rope, knocking a few bandits and almost Po. Po then defeats a croc bandit, while also kicking away Shifu. Shifu then charges back, landing a few punches on Po, and jumping elsewhere. Po gets up, and looks around while a rabbit swings from a chain behind him. Peng and Lian then team up, and defeat some more thugs. The two share a kiss. Po defeats a pig thug, while a rabbit thug punches him from behind. Po throws it. A croc thug attempts to throw Apple Cart Duck, but he rebounds and smashes the croc bandit. Then, a rabbit bandit is seen punching Po while he's sitting down, but Po ends up throwing the rabbit away. As soon as Po catches his breath, a bunch of thugs are seen charging towards him. They all pin him to the floor, but one by one, they're defeated by Mrs. Yoon and her red purse.]
PO
Thank you Mrs. Yoon.
[Soon enough, the last of Tong Fo's thugs are being defeated. Tong Fo sees this, and decides to sneak away. Meanwhile, a croc thug also tries to sneak away, but Shifu pushes it, and pulls its tail away. Peng, while holding a fighting stance, sees Tong Fo hopping away from behind. Tong Fo stops, looks up, and sees Po blocking the exit.]
PO
Going somewhere?
TONG FO
Gaw!
[Tong Fo delivers a few quick kicks to Po's face, and hops back.]
TONG FO
[To some of the club members] I've had enough fighting for one night.
PENG
Not quite. There's still the matter of you threatening my girlfriend.
[Peng delivers a blow to Tong Fo, which sends him flying across the room. A bunch of club members see him on the floor, and all pile up on him.]
LIAN
Looks like our boys have things under control.
SHIFU
Po!
PO
Yeah.
[Po sees Shifu walking towards him with a straw hat and glasses on, in which Po doesn't recognize. Shifu takes off the hat, but Po still doesn't recognize him. Shifu rolls his eyes, and takes off his glasses.]
PO
Master Shifu! [Bowing]
SHIFU
Panda. You expressly disobeyed your master's wishes, all for this, kung fu club.
PO
[While still bowing] Yeah, I did.
SHIFU
Great job! You were right Peng. Kung fu should be for everyone, and thus, I'm going to formally propose that the ban on amateur kung fu be lifted.
PENG
[Gasps] That-that would be amazing!
[Shifu smiles, while a pig and a buffalo thug are seen slammed against a pole.]
SHIFU
[Walking away] Well, we'll talk about it later. First, I have to...
[Shifu, off screen, is seen finishing up the thugs.]
[The scene switches to outside the bamboo forest, where Peng is packing up supplies onto a cart.
PO
Um, I know I keep asking, but, uh, there's room at the Jade Palace if you ever...
PENG
Sorry Po. We have other plans.
LIAN
We're going to take your advice, and travel all over China setting up more kung fu clubs.
PO
Sweet! Still, I'm going to miss you guys.
PENG
You never gave up on me Po. You always believed in me, even when no one else did, including me.
PO
Be happy friend.
[The episode closes up with Po bowing to Peng and Lian, and they doing the same back.]
[End of Act 3]
[End of Transcript]