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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Scorpion's Sting" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
[In the Training Hall, Master Shifu walks into view.]
SHIFU: Panda, you're next! Ten seconds to get to the other side unscathed!
PO: [Begins through the Gauntlet of Wooden Warriors; he blocks two of the Warrior's arms] Cat-like reflexes!
MONKEY: [Flies in from the roof.] HUAH!
[The two briefly battle each other before Monkey gains the upper-hand.]
MONKEY: [Stuffs his fingers up Po's nose.] Ha ha! Two points for Monkey! [Pulls back his fist.] Lights out, Po!
TIGRESS: [From the side of the training course.] Ah, ah, AH-CHOO!
[Tigress falls into the course and is knocked into Po and Monkey by one of the Wooden Warrior's arms. Po and Monkey are flung across the Gauntlet and into the Jade Tortoise, where Po falls on top of Monkey. Tigress looks over to them in a ducked position.]
MONKEY: [muffled] Get... off... me!...
PO: [Leans up, but doesn't get up off of Monkey.] Po five. Monkey four.
MONKEY: [Still being squished by Po.] You can't... count that!...
PO: Sure I can. [Looks up.] Shifu, that was a point, right?
SHIFU: [Approaches the two.] I don't care about your childish score-keeping, Panda.
[Monkey throws Po off his back, who rolls away on the ground.]
SHIFU: Monkey, that was a deceitful, underhanded attack. Good work!
[Monkey grins up at Po, to which Po returns the grin.]
SHIFU: [Turns away.] The point of sneak attack training is to do the unexpected. [Turns to Po and makes a face.] Doiee!
[Shifu takes his staff and swipes it underneath Po's feet. Po falls to the ground on his back.]
SHIFU: See? Unexpected. [Turns to Tigress.] Tigress, you and Crane are next.
[Tigress rubs her nose and sneezes on Crane. Crane flinches away, but then wipes his beak off. Tigress sneezes on him again, and Crane wipes his beak annoyingly. He hears Tigress prepare to sneeze again and holds up his beak to guard his face. Silence comes and he lowers his wing happily, until Tigress sneezes on him again.]
CRANE: [Annoyed] Master Shifu, can we take five so I can go sterilize my beak with hot coals?
[Po notices the sneezing patterns and jabs Monkey's shoulder with his elbow, to which Monkey grins.]
PO: [Begins acting like he's sick.] Uh-oh, I think I caught Tigress' cold...
TIGRESS: [in a nasally voice] I don't have-- [Coughs.] ...a cold! [Coughs again and frowns.]
PO: [Acts like a sneeze is building up] AH-CHOO!
[Po throws a vegetable in front of Shifu and the others of the Furious Five, who look annoyed with Po's trick. Po and Monkey laugh out loud.]
MONKEY: Hey, I've got a cold, too!
TIGRESS: [Points] I do not have a cold! [Sneezes]
MONKEY: [Builds up a sneeze] AH-CHOO!
[Monkey throws a ninja star towards Tigress, who immediately moves out of the way and looks at the star lodged into one of the Wooden Warriors. She looks back annoyed, and Po and Monkey laugh out loud again.]
PO: [Builds up another sneeze.] AH-CHOO!
[Po throws Mantis, who is collapsed on the ground momentarily.]
MANTIS: [Gets up and faces Po angrily.] Not cool, man! [Walks away as Po and Monkey start laughing again.]
PO: [to Monkey] Friends love the sneezy trick!
TIGRESS: I do not have a-- [Holds in another sneeze.] ...cold...
SHIFU: [Props up his staff and faces towards Tigress.] Wait, maybe you don't. [Begins examining Tigress, starting by pulling open one of her eyes.] Aha. [Looks into her ear.] Mm. [Pulls out her tongue.] I see. It's River Fever. [He lets go of Tigress' tongue, which rolls up back into her mouth. He shakes off his hands and then jumps back down to the ground.]
PO: What's the big deal about River Fever? You get a little sneezy, a little snoozy-- [Leans down toward Mantis and Viper] I personally barfed a couple of times, true story! [Pulls back up] Then it's all over the next day! We all had it as kids.
TIGRESS: I didn't.
CRANE: Oh, man. River Fever's bad news if you get it as an adult. You wind up like this! [Rolls out scroll and shows it to Po]
PO: GA-AH! Is that a-- a pig?...
CRANE: [Puts down scroll and faces towards Tigress.] There's only one cure: tea made from the sacred sun orchid. [Rolls out another scroll with a map to a flower on it.]
SHIFU: True; the sun orchid is powerful, but getting one is dangerous. It used to grow here, but now it's only found in one place: the Valley of the Scorpion.
TIGRESS: No one's risking their lives for me. I'll be fine. [Wipes nose and sniffles.]
PO: Fine?! Heh heh. [Picks up scroll that Crane set down and shoves it in Tigress' face, who leans away.] Look at the pig. Look at the pig!
[Tigress shoves Po out of the way.]
CRANE: You may feel fine, but the muscle spasms could start at any m--
[Tigress suddenly kicks Crane away, who caws on impact. He's kicked into the Training Hall's wall around the training course.]
CRANE: Like that. [Leans up out of the wall.] Tigress, if you don't get that orchid by sundown, you'll... [Looks away.]
TIGRESS: [Approaches Crane] What?
CRANE: [Looks up and pauses, then looks back down] I can't...
TIGRESS: [Picks up Crane angrily] WHAT?
CRANE: Well, first... you'll never do Kung Fu again.
TIGRESS: [Gasps and drops Crane, who falls to the ground with a grunt] I'd rather die!
CRANE: Yeah, that's second.
PO: We-he-he-ell! It looks like the Dragon Warrior's gonna be pickin' up that orchi-dealy!
[Po leans down to pick up the scroll with the map on it, but Monkey quickly picks it up before he can.]
MONKEY: I'll get it. [Holds scroll away from Po's grasp.] Fifty points says I get there before you!
[Po lunges for the scroll and grabs it, and then Monkey tries to pull it back. They are interrupted by Shifu knocking his staff on the ground.]
SHIFU: This is no game! Few have ever returned from the Valley alive. And those few have come back shambling zombies, their minds destroyed by the power of Scorpion's sting.
[Cuts to 2D-animated story with Shifu narrating.]
SHIFU [Voiceover]: Long ago, Scorpion was a celebrated healer: an expert in medicinal plants.
[A rabbit carrying a sick rabbit child is shown walking into a shop. Scorpion holds out a white petal, which the sick rabbit chews on before immediately becoming healed.]
SHIFU: The soil in the Valley of Peace was perfect for her experimental flowers.
[Scorpion picks a petal from a nearby flower in the Valley of Peace.]
SHIFU: But when she discovered a hypnotic elixir and stung herself with it, it warped her body and her mind.
[Scorpion mixes a red-colored liquid together and uses her stinger to sting herself. Her body flexes to twice her normal size. Her face is shown smiling evilly.]
SHIFU: She used this new power to control others. She assaulted the Valley by turning villagers into red-eyed drones.
[Scorpion stings other villagers, and they become red-eyed zombies. They all moan as they march in a line towards the Jade Palace.]
SHIFU: She nearly succeeded in taking over, but Oogway had two things she didn't have: the villagers' loyalty, and a shell.
[The zombie villagers march up the Palace stairs, where Oogway is seen guarding the Palace doors. Scorpion is prepared with her stinger out in front of her. Oogway holds up his hand to the zombie villagers, who then immediately become normal villagers again. Scorpion lunges at Oogway with her stinger, which then shatters as it comes on impact with Oogway's shell.]
SHIFU: Oogway exiled Scorpion, but she stole the last sun orchid that grew here. She has sworn eternal vengeance upon anyone from the Valley of Peace.
[Oogway waves his staff at Scorpion, banishing her from the Valley. Scorpion is then shown caged and being rolled away out of the Valley, but she grabs a sun orchid from out of the ground and takes it along with her. The cart disappears behind the doors to the Valley of the Scorpion.]
SHIFU: [Back to the present] Which is why you need to be extremely-- [He looks over at an empty spot on the Training Hall floor. Po and Monkey have disappeared.] Po?
[Cut to Po and Monkey in the bamboo forest. Po is running on the ground while Monkey is swinging and swerving through the bamboo branches.]
PO: [to Monkey] In case you're wondering, I'll be getting that orchid before you. 'Cause I've got a secret weapon: awesomeness!
MONKEY: Not a chance! I'm faster than you at everything, except eating.
[Monkey stops on a bamboo shoot, which leans down to Po's level when he catches up. He rolls out and looks at the orchid map.]
MONKEY: Whoa. Maybe we should've stuck around and listened to Shifu.
PO: Man, he's such a worrier! He was just, "Blah blah blah danger, blah blah blah certain death" kind of stuff. You know, he should cut back on that green tea. I think it makes him a little tense.
MONKEY: [Points at illustrations of skulls on the map surrounding the orchid.] Wow, that's a lot of skulls. You want to know something interesting about skulls? You can't drink soup out of them!
PO: Wow, that is interesting... To no one! Come on, we gotta get a move on, so pick up the pace! [He takes off running.]
MONKEY: Me?! You couldn't pick up the pace with a shovel! [He jumps off the bamboo shoot and into the other bamboo branches.]
PO: Oh yeah? Watch me fly--
[Po suddenly runs into a large stone door and collapses to the ground. Po lifts up his head while Monkey climbs down from a bamboo shoot. They watch as the stone door shifts from its spot and then falls to the ground with a loud BOOM! The two pause for a moment.]
PO: Uh, think anybody heard that?
MONKEY: [sarcastically] Think anybody didn't hear that?
[Cut to Scorpion's layer where the sun orchid is floating above her green scrying bowl filled with water. Scorpion walks over and looks into it curiously.]
SCORPION: Ooh, visitors in the Valley of Peace! [She sees Po and Monkey standing at the entrance to her valley through her bowl.]
PO: [In the scrying bowl] I think I dislocated my forehead!
SCORPION: It's that adorable Panda Dragon Warrior they speak of.
PO: [In the scrying bowl] Ugh, my brain is like a bag of pudding.
MONKEY: [In the scrying bowl] Huh, nothing new. Come on, Tigress needs that orchid by sundown. [He walks forward through the open hole in the stone wall while Po follows behind him.]
SCORPION: Ohh, they need my orchid. And I need to add something to my collection of tchotchkies! [She walks over to a shelf of skulls next to her throne. She moves one over to make some space.] His adorable panda head will fit right here... once I sever it from his body. [Walks over to another bowl with a swirling red liquid and dips her stinger into it.] Yes, you come and get your medicine for your lady friend; I've got it right here! [Her stinger glows red.]
[Cut back to Po and Monkey both running on the ground through the bamboo forest.]
MONKEY: [to Po behind him] You know what else is interesting about skulls? They run faster than you!
PO: [gasping and panting between words] What I lack in... speed... I make up for... in... stamina. [He stops, clutches his stomach, and starts talking to himself.] Don't hurl, don't hurl... [Starts clumsily running again and begins wheezing as well.] Monkey... I'm gonna... catch you...
MONKEY: [Stops running and turns to call back] Good luck--
[Monkey is suddenly yanked through a hidden hole in the ground and yells as he falls. Landing on his hands and feet, he nervously poses Kung Fu positions around the dark space, prepared for a fight. He constantly hears someone scuttling behind him and keeps turning until he is suddenly attacked. Monkey uses his lightning-fast reflexes to block and dodge most of the hits, until one aims at his legs and knocks him over. He looks up to see Scorpion walking up his chest.]
MONKEY: Scorpion! You can't beat me!
SCORPION: I already have.
MONKEY: Wha-- [He twitches and looks over to see that Scorpion had stung him in the shoulder while she was attacking] Poison!
SCORPION: [Climbs down from his chest] Not exactly.
[Monkey cringes and falls to his knees, uncomfortably clutching parts of his body while Scorpion keeps talking]
SCORPION: Oh, I could simply poison you and your panda friend, but I'm a shut in thanks to Oogway. And this is my only entertainment! You'll be so much more fun to watch as you destroy Shifu's little pet, the Dragon Warrior.
MONKEY: [Still cringing in pain] No! Po... friend...
SCORPION: [Walks over to him and begins climbing up onto his shoulder.] You're only good to me as long as you forget that he's your friend.
[Monkey stares forward and moans]
MONKEY: Forget my friend...
SCORPION: And destroy him.
MONKEY: [Still staring forward] And...
[Monkey stops suddenly]
SCORPION: ...destroy him?
[Scorpion climbs down from Monkey's shoulder]
MONKEY: Destroy him. I must destroy the panda. I must DESTROY PO!!!
[Monkey's voice echoes as he raises his hands above him to the open hole in the roof of the dark space]
[End of Act 1]
[Po is wandering through the forest, searching for Monkey.]
PO: Monkey? Now you don't get any points for hiding!
[Above him, Monkey is sitting in a tree, clutching a large rock.]
MONKEY: Must destroy Po.
[He swings down from the rope, aiming to strike Po from behind.]
PO: [Unaware] Are you messing with my head? Oh, a berry!
[Po leans down and Monkey swings over his head, missing him by inches. He swing backs towards an oblivious Po.]
PO: [Examining object on ground.] Aw man, it's a rock! [He leans down again, and again Monkey misses him.] Wait... it's not a rock... [He leans down once more, Monkey misses him, and this time the rope snaps and Monkey crashes to the ground. The rock lands on top of him a second later. Po picks up the object.] It's... bird poop! Ew, ew! [He flings away the bird poop and finally notices Monkey.] I just touched bird poop!
[Monkey gets to his feet and walks toward Po in a zombie-like trance.]
MONKEY: Must destroy Po...
PO: It won't destroy me, it's just gross.
[Po walks off. Monkey lunges at him from behind, but comes up short and falls flat on his face. He gets up and continues stalking Po.]
MONKEY: Must destroy Po...
[Meanwhile, Crane is leading a sneezing Tigress up the Training Hall steps.]
CRANE: Shifu and I set up a sick ward. It's completely sanitary.
[They stop in front of the entrance doors... and Tigress sneezes on Crane once again.]
CRANE: Unlike my face. [Wipes his beak.]
TIGRESS: I don't need a sick ward. I'm fine.
[WHAP! Tigress's fist shoots out suddenly and Crane goes flying off screen. Tigress looks shocked.]
CRANE: [Offscreen] Muscle spasm! Perfectly normal.
[Tigress sneezes again and blows open the entrance doors. To her dismay, she sees the sick ward is full of rambunctious young children laughing and chasing each other around the room. Crane walks up to a scowling Tigress.]
CRANE: Uh, we also took in some kids with River Fever. Hope you don't mind. [Walks inside.]
TIGRESS: Of course not. I... love children.
[She follows Crane into the room. In the sick ward, some children are bouncing a ball off the training dummy. The ball goes flying and hits Tigress on the head. SMACK! Crane is once again sent flying offscreen.]
CRANE: [Offscreen] Muscle spasm.
TIGRESS: Not that time.
[Back in the Valley of the Scorpion, Po stops in the middle of a clearing and checks the map. Behind him, Monkey lifts up an enormous rock.]
PO: [Reading the map.] Hmmm, to the left of the skull, which means we go right at the... [Po takes several steps to the right... just as the huge rock slams into the ground where the panda had been standing a second before. He looks at the rock and then stares at Monkey.] What are you trying to do?!
MONKEY: Destroy Po. [Launches into a Kung Fu stance.]
PO: Are you... [Seems to realise...] sneak attack training? I don't know if now is the best time... but okay. Watch your back 'cause now it's my turn!
[Po puts away the scroll and prepares himself for combat. Monkey attempts a flying kick, but goes flying over as Po ducks. Monkey crashes into a tree and sticks there for a few seconds.]
PO: Po, ten... Monkey, six! [Sneaks out of sight as Monkey falls from the tree.]
[Some time later, Monkey recovers and begins wandering down the path.]
MONKEY: Destroy Po...
[Po attempts to attack from above, but ends up bouncing off of horizontal tree trunks and falling to the ground. Then Po and Monkey and leaping at each other with flying kicks. They collide in mid-air and crash to the ground. Po is then seen sitting on the ground, but Monkey is nowhere to be seen. Po gets up and turns around... and we see Monkey squashed and stuck on Po's butt.]
PO: Monkey? Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey! Are you messing with my head? [He sits down again.]
[Some time later, Monkey is wandering the forest wielding a bamboo staff.]
MONKEY: Destroy Po...
[Po is seen on top of a tree. He attempts to swing down on Monkey with a rope, but he misjudged the rope's length and he ends up sliding across the ground, stopping at Monkey's feet. Monkey attempts to strike Po, but Po rolls on the ground dodging the staff. He eventually grabs the staff, spins Monkey around and flings him away.]
PO: Oh yeah! Po has taken a commanding four-point lead! What could Monkey possibly...
[Monkey suddenly jumps at Po with a flying kick. Po is sent flying several feet before rolling across the ground and crashing into a door. Briefly stunned, Po slowly gets up... and sees the scorpion symbol on the door.]
PO: Scorpion's lair! [Po closely examines the door for a way in as Monkey approaches.]
MONKEY: Destroy... Po...
PO: The orchid is in there! [Monkey leaps at Po just as the panda turns with his arm raised. Monkey gets hit in the face and is knocked out cold. Po looks at Monkey lying on the floor.] Cut it out, Monkey. We don't have time for that... Tigress needs our help.
[Back at the sick ward, children continue to laugh and play loudly as Tigress sips tea while lying on a bed. Crane uses his wing as a fang.]
VOICE OFFSCREEN: Yoo-hoooooooooo!
[The children begin cheering, and Tigress looks at Crane, who chuckles nervously.]
CRANE: So, er... I'm hoping you like clowns.
[Tigress crushes the tea cup in her hand and gives Crane a death glare.]
CRANE: Oh... then I'm hoping you like not hitting me.
[The children cheer as Mr Ping enters the sick ward, dressed in a clown costume.]
MR PING: Hello boys and girls, I'm Mr Ping- I mean Mr Clown! And I've come to spread joy and happiness and two-for-one coupons for Mr Ping's Noodle Shop!
[He flings a handful of coupons toward the children and dances toward Tigress's bedside as the children gather at her feet. Tigress firmly ignores him as he pulls out a hand puppet.]
MR PING: [Speaking as the puppet in a high-pitched voice.] Oh... someone has a saaad face. [He presses the puppet against Tigress's cheek.] What's your name, little girl?
[Tigress looks at the puppet and then stares firmly ahead.]
TIGRESS: Back away.
MR PING: Oh, and would 'Back Away' like a pretty flower?
[With a "Ta-da!', Mr Ping pulls a flower from his sleeve. The children go "oooo".]
TIGRESS: The flower is made out of coupons.
MR PING: [Speaks normally] To Mr Ping's Noodle Shop! Four out of five herbalists recommend noodle soup for River Fever! [He squirts water from the flower into Tigress's face as the children cheer.] Who's the master juggler? [He briefly juggles some eggs before they end up smashing onto Tigress's lap. She begins scowling. Mr Ping begins speaking as the puppet again.] Not me.
[The children laugh. The puppet begins kissing Tigress all over her face while Mr Ping makes kissing sounds.]
MR PING: [As the puppet] I love you so much! [Though stony-faced, Tigress is beginning to lose her temper.] I love you sooo much! Who loves you? Who loves you? Of course I love you! Me love you always. [With the puppet, Mr Ping gives Tigress a huge kiss on the mouth. This goes on until... WHAP! Tigress suddenly grabs the puppet by the neck.]
MR PING: [Speaking as the puppet.] You're choking me!
TIGRESS: Doesn't Mr Clown have urgent business somewhere?
MR PING: [As puppet] Quite right... [He clears his throat and begins speaking normally again.] Quite right! Mr Clown has to make friends with the... [He pulls his hand free, leaving Tigress holding the puppet.] Something friendly!
[He sprays Tigress with spit and backs away towards the exit.]
MR PING: Well kids, Mr Clown must be going now... goodbye!
[Mr Ping goes around the corner out of sight. He suddenly pops his head back round the corner.]
MR PING: Ping's Noodle Shop!
[Mr Ping whips his head back out of sight as Tigress flings the puppet at him.]
[Meanwhile, Po is still searching for a way into Scorpion's lair.]
PO: We've gotta find a way in.
[Behind him, Monkey throws a log at Po's back. The log misses Po, bounces off the wall and hits Monkey instead. Inside the lair, Scorpion is watching the scene from her scrying ball and is not happy with Monkey's failings.]
SCORPION: Oh, that Monkey doesn't know what he's doing! He's pathetic at destroying his friend... I blame the parents. [She scuttles over to her throne.] I guess I'm going to have to give him a little help. If you want someone violently destroyed these days, I guess you have to do it yourself!
[Outside, Po is trying to pry the doors open, but with no luck.]
PO: [Grunting] These are heavy...
[Monkey suddenly jumps on Po's head and wraps his arms over his eyes.]
MONKEY: Destroy Po...
[Po begins flailing blindly about.]
PO: Um, yeah... I don't think that's helping... [He flings Monkey off and turns back to the door. Monkey skids to a stop in front of a medium-sized rock.] See if you can find something to pry these open with. Something metal would be good...
[Scorpion's claws suddenly pop up and place a pair of scimitars (curved blades) on top of the boulder.]
PO: With a point! And hurry!
[Monkey grins. Meanwhile, Po attempts to kick the door open, but is rewarded with a damaged foot. Po hops around yelling.]
PO: OOOWHOWHOWHOWHOOO! That could be a broken toe right there...
[He suddenly sees Monkey approaching with a pair of swords.]
PO: Oh, those are perfect! Let me just get out of your way...
[Po moves slightly... just as one of the swords embeds itself in the door right next to him. Po stares at Monkey in shock.]
PO: Huh? Wh-What are you doing?
[Monkey leaps into the air and proceeds to attack Po full-force. Meanwhile, back at the palace, Tigress is lying on the bed, too weak to move. Two albino rabbit children leap on the front of the bed.]
RABBIT 1: Can we do your hair and makeup?
TIGRESS: [Assertively] No.
RABBIT 2: Are you strong enough to stop us?
[Another brief pause...]
TIGRESS: [Defeated] No...
RABBIT 1 & 2: We're going to make you pretty!
[Tigress groans as the two children leap onto her chest and begin painting on her face.]
RABBIT 1: So, do you love Po?
RABBIT 2: Is Po your boyfriend?
TIGRESS: Wh-what? No!
RABBIT 1 & 2: He will be when he sees you!
[The children laugh as they raise a mirror to show Tigress their handiwork. Tigress looks at the reflection.]
TIGRESS: Just... perfect.
[Meanwhile, Po is dodging Monkey's attacks. He is backed up against Scorpion's door.]
PO: Wait a second, you're really trying to-
MONKEY: Destroy Po.
[Po's eyes widen. He desperately blocks Monkey's attacks, and then leaps into the air to dodge a powerful swing. He collides with a rock outcropping and lands back on top of Monkey, knocking the swords out of his hands. Po grabs the swords but gets kicked away by Monkey, who retrieves them and pursues Po. Po rolls into a bamboo tree and a piece of the trunk lands on his head. He yells in fear as Monkey slices through a thicket of tree and leaps into the clearing, swords raised.]
MONKEY: Must destroy Po!
[Hiding behind the piece of tree trunk, Po peeks around and notices Monkey's red, twitching eyes.]
PO: Your eyes! What's with your... wait a second! Red and glowing eyes... trying to kill me... acting like a zombie... that Scorpion is controlling your mind! That's... awesome!!! What does it feel like?
[Monkey slices the tree trunk Po is holding into pieces. Po stares at Monkey for a few seconds... and starts running. Monkey takes off in pursuit, leaping from tree to tree. He jumps down on Po, who manages to knock him out after a brief scuffle. He stops to catch his breath... and then Monkey gets back up. Po yells and starts running again.]
PO: Monkey, you've gotta snap out of it! It's me, Po! You're best buddy!
[Po stops at the edge of a cliff. He's trapped. He turns around as Monkey leaps onto the ground in front of him, stabbing the swords into the ground. The ground cracks, and the cliff edge Po is standing on collapses. Po falls out of sight with a cry. Monkey looks over the edge, and sees that Po is dangling a couple of feet down, clinging to an exposed root for dear life.]
PO: Well... I don't know if I'm your best buddy. But I'm one of your buddies! Am I your best buddy? It could be Mantis, I mean I know you guys have lunch together a lot... but you're my best buddy! Yes, you are! Especially if you stop trying to kill me!!!
[Monkey stares down at Po for a few seconds... and raises his swords above his head. Po stares in horror...]
[End of Act 2]
[With Po completely at his mercy, Monkey prepares to deal the death blow.]
MONKEY: Destroy Po... [His red eyes narrow.]
PO: No! Don't do it Monkey! It's me! I'm your sneazy-trick friend, remember? You, me, friends? Sneazy-trick, hatchoo?!
[Monkey keeps his swords raised. Po then performs a 'sneazy-trick' and hits Monkey in the head with a pebble, knocking him out of sight. Monkey raises his head.]
PO: Friends!!! Remember?
[Monkey raises his swords again. Po hits him with a stick, and then a huge rock. At the last... Monkey blinks.]
MONKEY: Hmmm... friend?
[Back at the training hall, Crane stands outside the open doors, watching the sun begin to set.]
CRANE: It's getting late... I'm not sure they're going to make it.
VIPER: Don't say that! They'll be here!
[Crane joins the rest of the Furious Five standing around Tigress's bed. Tigress is now having trouble breathing and the muscle spasms are affecting her entire body.]
TIGRESS: Crane... Viper... WAAAH!... Mantis... I'll never do... WAIIIYAH!!!... kung fu... again!
MANTIS: Hey, don't worry, Tigress. There's lots of other things you're good at... like... er... [Mantis looks at Crane and Viper, who don't answer. Tigress spasms again.] Don't worry... they'll be here!
[Inside Scorpion's Lair, Scorpion hears knocking on the door. She smiles in anticipation.]
SCORPION: Someone's at the door... come in!
[Scorpion scuttles back to her throne as Monkey enters... dragging behind a limp Po on a wheelbarrow. Scorpion chuckles evilly. Monkey sets down the wheelbarrow.]
MONKEY: Po... no... mo'...
SCORPION: Look at you! Who did a good job... Monkey, that's who!
[Monkey steps aside as Scorpion approaches Po and taps his stuck-out tongue for signs of life. Scorpion sniffs and turns away.]
SCORPION: Ew! He's only been dead a few minutes, he shouldn't stink already.
[She turns back... and cries out as Po suddenly comes back to life!]
PO: That's the stink... of awesomeness!
[He smashes the wheelbarrow and leaps backward into the air, landing next to Monkey. Both face Scorpion and prepares themselves for combat.]
PO: Us, one!
MONKEY: Scorpion, zero!
SCORPION: Oh, how did you overcome my mind control?
PO: With a poison that's stronger than yours... and that poison is called friendship!
MONKEY: We'll take that flower now.
SCORPION: The only thing you're going to get is a little soap to wash out your filthy mouth!
PO: Let's do this!
[Scorpion flies at the two warriors. She lands on Po's head and pulls on his ears! He yells and begins running around the room.]
PO: Ahahaha! It's on me! It's on me!
[Scorpion leaps off just as Po runs into a wall and collapses to the floor. Scorpion lands on top of the scrying bowl, just as Monkey knocks her into the opposite wall with a flying kick. Angered, Scorpion grabs a batch of nearby spears with her tail and flings them at Monkey, who deftly deflects them.]
[Monkey turns to see Po stuck to the wall by the spears he had deflected. Scorpion leaps at Monkey, knocking him to the floor. With both claws around his throat, she has him pinned.]
SCORPION: This is going to sting a little bit... [She raises her stinger.] Just kidding... it burns like FIRE!
[Po grabs the tail just as it lunges toward Monkey's face.]
[Scorpion tries to sting Po with her tail in his fist. Po dodges her lunges, and then Scorpion leaps off of Monkey and faces the panda. The foes circle each other in the room. The two then battle until Po manages to briefly stun Scorpion and runs for the floating orchid. However, Scorpion quickly recovers and grabs Po's foot with his tail. He falls into the bowl and is yanked back into the far wall, his mouth full of water. Scorpion aims a flying kick at his belly, and is rewarded by a blast of water from Po's mouth that sends her flying back into the scrying bowl. The impact sends the sun orchid flying upwards. Both Po and Scorpion stare as the precious flower flies through the air. Both enemies leap for the orchid... then in mid air Scorpion aims a double- punch at Po that sends him flying into the wall. Scorpion lands with the orchid, triumphant.]
SCORPION: You'll never get my orchid!
[Monkey attempts to attack her from behind, but she counters and stuns him.]
SCORPION: Oh sweetheart, you can't suprise someone with this many eyeballs!
PO: Oh no? [Scorpion turns to face Po... and he suddenly makes a funny face at her!] Doieee!
[Po's belly bounces the distracted Scorpion and she crashes into the throne. Furious, she attempts to attack Po again... but the force of the impact has embedded her stinger into the back of her throne. Po sneazy-tricks two shurikens that pin Scorpion's pincers to the wall, effectively trapping her.]
MONKEY: Nice one!
PO: Bonus points for Po!
[He holds out the orchid.]
MONKEY: Hey, I helped! We split 'em.
[The two race out of Scorpion's lair. Back at the Jade Palace, the sun is quickly setting as Tigress lays dying on the bed, surrounded by the five, Shifu, and the young children. Po and Monkey race into the sick ward carrying the orchid.]
PO: We got it!
MONKEY: Quick, it's almost sundown!
CRANE: I'm supposed to make tea from this thing but... there's no time!
[Crane grabs the orchid and sticks it straight into Tigress's mouth. He closes her mouth... and she lays motionless. Time passes, and it seems to her friends that they were too late. They all solemnly lower their heads... when Tigress suddenly leaps up, furiously aiming punches and kicks at the people surrounding her. She grabs Crane by the neck.]
TIGRESS: [Angry but no longer nasally] What do you think you're d- [Stops] I... I'm cured.
[The people around her cheer.]
CRANE: [Strangled.] You're... welcome? [Tigress releases him.] Gah.
[Shifu approaches Po and Monkey as the children continue to cheer.]
SHIFU: You have done well.
PO: Yeah, once I used my Dragon Warrior-ness to cure Monkey of his zombification...
[Monkey holds out two small red vegetables.]
MONKEY: Po, do your funny zombie impression of me!
PO: Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, right, right, right! [He takes the two vegetables and sticks them on his eyes.] Destroy, Po! Must... these... are... PEPPERS!!! AAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!
[Po begins running blindly round the room.]
MONKEY: Monkey, one. Panda, zero.
[Shifu smiles as Po runs into a wall and is knocked out cold.]
[End of Act 3]
[End of Transcript]