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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Secret Admirer" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Katie Mattila. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode opens up with Tigress meditating in her room in the Student barracks. She does so until she hears voices nearby.]
[Tigress goes back to meditating but hears the voice again. She leaves her room and sees the rest of the Five (minus Monkey) waiting outside of Po's room.]
VIPER: Oh hey! Morning, Tigress.
TIGRESS: What's going on?
[Tigress has a confused look on her face.]
MANTIS: Monkey's about to pull the best wake up prank on Po ever! This is going to be epic!
CRANE: Wanna watch?
TIGRESS: Don't be ridiculous, of course I don't want to— Ooh, this does look good.
[The Five (minus Monkey) observe Monkey setting up his prank while Po sleeps. Monkey places a bowl of pudding on the floor and uses a pulley system to raise Po's bed up.]
MONKEY: Po... (giggles) YOU'RE LATE FOR TRAINING!
[Po leaps off his bed but falls right into a bowl of pudding. The Five laugh as Po falls for the prank. Po gets up upset and his bed falls on him, knocking him out.]
MONKEY: Te he he! Gotcha ya! You've been Monk-ed.
PO: Ha ha. Good one. Got me again. Lucky for you, I'm not petty or revengeful or...
[Po tries to dive after Monkey, but misses and falls to the floor. Monkey kicks Po in the face and takes off.]
PO: It is so on.
[The scene switches to outside the Training Hall, where Hu is talking to Shifu.]
SHIFU: I'll send out a team to look for them at once.
[Shifu and Hu observe Monkey and Po landing on each other outside the Training Hall. They continue to fight, until Po sends Monkey crashing into some debris.]
PO: Looks like the Monk-ster just got Po-ed. (laughs)
[Monkey is seen slowly coming up.]
PO: Monkey, are you okay?
[Monkey turns around and appears to have no hands.]
MONKEY: My hands!
PO: Ahh! Oh, no! Monkey, forgive me. Oh Monkey!
[Monkey quickly reveals his hands.]
MONKEY: Got you again.
[Po dives after Monkey. Shifu walks up to them.]
SHIFU: Po! Monkey!
[They get up and bow to Shifu.]
PO: Master... Shifu. When did you get... Whoa! [Looks at the debris he and Monkey created.] How did that happen?
SHIFU: I thought I made it clear. This little prank war between the two of you must stop.
MONKEY & PO: He started it! [Points to each other.]
SHIFU: I don't care who started it. I want it to end before one of you goes too far and does something they'll regret. Is that clear?
MONKEY & PO: (Sadly) Yes.
SHIFU: Superintendent Woo and his daughter were supposed to arrive at the Jade Palace last night. I need—
HU: We need.
SHIFU: (Angrily) We need, but mostly I, need you to find them and—
HU: Escort them back here at once. Well, spit spot, off with you.
[Po and Monkey exchange looks and head off into the Bamboo Forest.]
MONKEY: You heard what they said, no more pranks.
PO: Not until I get even.
MONKEY: Bring it on Panda!
[Monkey is swinging through the bamboo forest with ease, while Po has trouble catching up. Monkey stops.]
MONKEY: Something's wrong. We should've run into them by now.
PO: Oh relax! They probably stopped at an inn so that Superintendent Woo could yell at someone.
[Po sees a tree branch hanging and realizes it is the perfect opportunity to get even with Monkey in their prank war.]
PO: Hey! What's that? [Points to the opposite direction.]
[Monkey turns around to observe the thing Po is pointing at, while Po sets up his prank.]
PO: Behind that bush thing.
[Without Po noticing, Monkey switches the branch to behind Po.]
MONKEY: I don't see anything.
PO: Let's check it out.
[As Po and Monkey head off to check out that "thing", Po ends up falling for his own prank and ripping his pants as a result. Just before his pants fall down, Po grabs ahold of them and yanks them up.]
MONKEY: Nice try! Let's face it Po, I'm too good. You'll never get even.
[Po growls at Monkey for a second, before the two of them hear Superintendent Woo in the distance.]
WOO: What are you doing?! Why you— Hey!
MONKEY: Did you hear that?
WOO: You can't— I'm a big deal here! I'm a big deal!
[Po and Monkey hide behind a bush to observe what's happening. They see Superintendent Woo and his daughter Ming tied up and questioned by Bao, Lao and Tsao.]
WOO: Why you— Why you doing th— You guys are stupid or whatever? Why do you keep abducting me?
BAO: For the big, fat ransom. We've been following you for months, waiting for the perfect moment, and this is then for that.
WOO: The— Who talks like that? I'm a ranking superintendent. You're gonna get caught and heavily fined. You hear, huh?
LAO/TSAO: I forgot what a whiny boy he is.
[Lao/Tsao takes a closer look at Ming, and takes the Stone of Lu Mong from her.]
LAO/TSAO: Thank you. Our mom's birthday is coming up.
[Ming gets angry, and then beats up Lao/Tsao until he gets knocked out.]
MONKEY: [While observing] Wow. Let's give her a hand, Po.
PO: Monkey, wait. My hands are kinda busy.
[Lao/Tsao is still suffering from his injury while Bao and Lao/Tsao laugh.]
LAO/TSAO: It's not funny!
[Meanwhile, Monkey leaps in the air and takes out Lao/Tsao.]
WOO: Finally! It's about time!
[Monkey prepares for combat while Bao and Lao/Tsao pulls out their swords. As they head to Monkey, their swords disappear. Po then kicks both of them.]
[Po prepares for more combat, but then his pants fall down. Woo and Ming can't believe it.]
[Po pulls his pants up, and in doing so, just misses an attack from Bao/Lao/Tsao.]
[Po quickly takes out 2 bandits, and his pants end up slipping again. Luckily, he pulls his pants up before they fall down again]
[All 3 pigs get up and Bao gets out a sword.]
PO: Really, guys?
BAO: This isn't over.
[Po and Monkey leap in the air and prepare to finish off the 3 pigs.]
LAO/TSAO: Maybe it is.
[The 3 pigs flee as Po and Monkey land back on the ground safely.]
WOO: What are you doing? What— 'ey! 'ey! Go after them! They're getting away!
PO: Those guys? Scoff. Don't worry about them.
[Monkey approaches Ming and takes off the rope around her mouth.]
MING: How dare you disobey my father! Go after them!
[Monkey simply stares at Ming, not hearing a thing she's saying.]
MING: You fool. Dunderhead. Nitwit. Do you have cabbage in your ears? Go after them! Do you hear?!
MONKEY: Don't worry. They won't bother you with us around.
MING: Then I'll do it myself.
[Ming takes off but Monkey grabs her. She tries attacking Monkey, but he picks her up and carries her.]
MING: Put me down. Now!
MONKEY: I'm sorry, but we have orders to take you back to the palace.
WOO: Put her down right now!
PO: You coming?
WOO: No! Not until you go after those pigs.
[Po quickly picks up Superintendent Woo and carries him.]
WOO: 'ey! 'ey! Put me down. Now!
[Superintendent Woo and Ming continue to struggle while Po and Monkey carry them off.]
PO: Wow! She's just like her dad. Mean, and bossy.
MONKEY: And she smells like strawberries.
PO: Yeah, right? I hate strawberries.
[Later that day at night time, Hu, Shifu, Po, Monkey, Superintendent Woo and Ming are seen talking in front of the Jade Palace.]
WOO: Never have I been treated like that in all my life.
MING: They should be flogged! Tortured!
SHIFU: I'm terribly sorry. But in their defense, they were only trying to get you to safety.
HU: And now that you are safe, you can hand over the Stone of Lu Mong.
MING: No we can't! The pigs stole it!
HU: Stole it?! [to Po and Monkey.] Why didn't you go after them?!
PO: Wait wait wait wait. Nobody said anything about a stone.
[Superintendent Woo approaches Po.]
WOO: What? You need everything explained to you before you do something? [Knocks on Po's head.] Huh? Stupid? Huh?
HU: This is disastrous. Catastrophic.
PO: Whoa whoa whoa. What's so important about this stone?
HU: A Lu Mongian delegation is arriving within a matter of days to take it. When they find it's not here...
[The scene cuts to the bedrooms in the student barracks.]
MING: War! All because of you! You and your idiotic bungling! I hope you're happy!
PO: [Chuckles]. There's not going to be a war. Tigress probably already caught up with those pigs and has the stone. And if you'd spend less time yelling and told us about the stone in the first place, none of this would've happened!
[Ming opens the door to her bedroom and slams it.]
MONKEY: She touched me.
PO: Oh! She's got a lot of nerve. Oh... She makes me so crazy!
MONKEY: She makes me crazy too! Anyway... I'll see you in the morning. [walks away]
PO: (to himself) Makes you crazy too, huh? [Chuckles]
[Later that night, Po enters Mantis' room, where he is writing on a scroll. Po enters the room, which causes Mantis to mess up.]
PO: Mantis! I got it! I finally know how to get even with Monkey for all those pranks.
MANTIS: Didn't Master Shifu tell you—
PO: I know, I know. But I gotta get even with Monkey. This prank is my chance! You have to help me write a letter.
[Later that night, Po and Mantis read the letter they've created.]
PO: Ok ok. Read that back.
MANTIS: [Clears throat] I Ming, hereby order you, Monkey, to go out with me tomorrow afternoon. [Chuckles]
MANTIS: Dress is extremely formal. [Po laughs.] Bathing is mandatory! That's awesome. P.S. You're paying.
[Po and Mantis then laugh it out.]
MANTIS: Oh man! He's going to freak out when he reads that.
PO: Right? He can't stand her.
[Po and Mantis then sneak into the barracks hallway and slip the letter into Monkey's room.]
[Monkey sees the letter and reads it.]
PO: This will be so funny. He'll be all yelling (in a mocking voice) No, no, no!
MONKEY: Yes, yes, YES!
[Monkey blasts out of his room in a happy mood.]
MONKEY: Yes! Po. Ming likes me. She just sent me a letter ordering me out on a date with her. I'm the happiest monkey in China!
[Monkey continues dancing.]
PO: But Monkey, I—I thought you couldn't stand her.
MONKEY: Oh, whatever gave you that idea?
PO: Uh oh. Uhh, Monkey...
MONKEY: Not now, Po. I have to get ready. I can't believe it. She likes me. She likes me!
[Monkey returns back to his room, while Po looks on worried about what he just did.]
MANTIS: Best. Prank. Ever!
[Po pushes Mantis off his shoulder.]
[End of Act 1]
[The episode continues with a tired Po entering in Mantis’ room at morning.]
Po: Aww! [slumps on a wall]
Mantis: Whoa. You okay?
Po: I feel terrible. I've been up all night trying to figure out how to tell Monkey that it was just a prank, and Ming doesn't really like him. Maybe I should talk to Tigress.
Mantis: She's not here, remember? Shifu sent her out looking for those pigs, to get the sacred stone back. I would've gone too, but it's my day off. You hear there's gonna be a war?
Po: I mean a prank is one thing, but this could really hurt Monkey's feelings. Big time. I better tell him before he actually goes on that date and thinks Ming stood him up.
Po: Should I just tell him, tell him? Or should I open with a joke?
Po: A limerick?
Mantis: Po! Monkey already left for the date.
Po: What? Why didn't you stop him?
Mantis: Day off.
[Po gives an annoyed grunt at Mantis. The scene cuts to Monkey sitting at a table by himself at night in Mr. Ping’s noodle shop.]
Mr. Ping: She stood you up, huh? Oh, tough break. I almost hate to charge you for holding the table.
Monkey: Why would she do this? She's the one who asked me on the date.
Mr. Ping: Why ask why? Love, women, noodles. Tree, sky, ground. I hope that helped. [walks away]
Po: Hey. How you doing?
Monkey: Terrible. Oh, Po. Why would she do this to me? For once, I thought someone actually liked me.
Po: I like you.
Monkey: Oh, it's the story of my life. [The scene fades to 2D animation.] The girls never noticed me. They all swooned over my brother. I tried everything to impress them, but all they saw was him. Nobody liked me. But that all changed when she came along. Her name was Ya Ya. She was wonderful. We did everything together. We fell in love. I was so happy, until my brother took her away. I was devastated. [The scene fades back to 3D animation.] And now, finally, after all these years, someone like Ming comes along and, oh… Listen to me. What am I worried about? She must like me, right? Why else would she send me that letter? But then, why didn't she come? Unless… Of course! [stands up] That's it!
Monkey: [angrily stares at Po] How could I have been so stupid?
Po: Uh, listen, I can explain, Monkey. See, we were—
Monkey: [smiles] She's helping her dad make plans for war!
Po: I— How's that?
Monkey: It explains everything. Oh, for a minute there, I thought maybe someone was pranking me. But who would be that cruel? I'm going to call on her. Gentleman man style. [walks away]
Po: Yeah, I… oh...
[The scene cuts to Mantis continuing to relax in his room.]
Mantis: You got that I Didn't Tell Him look on your face.
Po: I couldn't.
Mantis: So what are you gonna do?
Po: I— Guess!
Mantis: Nope. Day off.
Po: Aw, come on.
Po: I was just wanna—
[The scene cuts to Monkey in his room, grooming himself at a mirror while Po sits from behind.]
Po: You don't want to go out with her! She's just mean.
Monkey: No, she's not. Think she'd like my hair like this? [rubs head] Or this?
Po: Uh, you didn't change it. No, no, no, I'm serious. She's mean. I—I saw her hitting Shifu with a stick.
Monkey: Ho! He probably deserved it.
Po: Uh, what about that weird unibrow thing she's got going on, hmm?
Monkey: She doesn't have eyebrows.
[The scene cuts to Po back at Mantis’ room.]
Po: It didn't work.
Mantis: Ugh, you should just be honest and tell him.
Po: Exactly! Except, not that.
[The scene cuts to Ming sitting on a bench outside of the Training Hall. Po walks up to her and sits down.]
Po: Hey there, Ming.
Po: Ha. Here's the thing. I have this friend and, well, he likes you.
Ming: Really? And who is this friend?
Po: Well, he's a great guy, but kind of shy. And, he's also a huge fan of fake barf. So, uh, what I was thinking was—
Ming: I think I know.
Po: You do?
Ming: [hugs Po] Oh, Dragon Warrior! Do you know how hard it's been, being around you and not being able to say how cute I think you are?
Po: Ming. [stands up and pushes back Ming] Whoa, whoa, wait, what? Me, cute, wha you, what?
Ming: It's my father. He wants me to be just like him. Yell, yell, yell. While all the time I just wanted to hold you and squeeze you and go like this to your belly. [jumps on Po and tickles him] Oh, scooshy, scooshy, scooshy. Scooshy, scooshy, scooshy.
Po: [laughs] Ah, stop, no, really. [puts down Ming]
Ming: Oh, I love that belly! I can't stand it! Oh, you're so cute. [slowly pushes Po onto the bench] The way you spoke to me was so… exhilarating. No one has ever displayed so much passion for me before!
[As Ming tries to tickle Po again, he uses the bench to shield himself from her.]
Po: What? No, no, no, no, no.
Ming: Scooshy, scooshy, scooshy!
Po: You can't like me! [Ming uses the bench to slowly pin Po against a wall.] No, no, no, no. Not me!
Ming: [kisses air] Rah, rah, rah! Kiss me, fool. [kisses Po passionately]
[As Po and Ming kiss, he looks ahead to see Monkey - shocked and speechless.]
Monkey: So, just like my brother!
[End of Act 2]
[The episode continues with Monkey charging towards Po to hit him. Po dodges the attacks as both of them talk to each other.]
Monkey: How could you do this to me?!
Po: Wait, you got the wrong idea.
Monkey: Oh, sure. I guess I imagined you kissing the girl I like!
[Po and Monkey grapple against each other.]
Ming: Boys, boys. This is all very flattering. Please, continue.
[Po and Monkey continue their fight, until Po uses the bench to pin Monkey against a wall.]
Po: I didn't kiss her! She kissed me.
Ming: It's true. He tastes like eucalyptus.
Monkey: But, if you like Po, then why did you write me that letter?
Ming: What letter?
Po: Monkey, promise you'll be calm. Will you promise me that?
Monkey: Okay. Okay. [breathes deeply] I'll be calm.
Po: [releases Monkey] Umm, Ming didn't write that letter. I, kind of, did. [Monkey pauses before screaming in anger and knocking Po to Ming’s side with a kick to the chest.] I knew he'd take it well.
[Po and Monkey grapple against each other again.]
Ming: Stop it! You're making a scene. Help! Someone help! [She runs to the courtyard door and opens it to see Bao, Tsao, and Lao.] Oh! You!
Bao: [looks down at Ming] Hmm…
[The scene cuts back to Po and Monkey still fighting against each other.]
Po: I didn't know you liked her! It was supposed to be funny!
Monkey: Oh yeah? Well here comes the punch line. [punches Po]
Po: Oh! Good one.
[As Po and Monkey are about to grapple each other again, they both hear Ming screaming in the distance. They look out the courtyard door, see Ming being kidnapped, and chase after her captors.]
Ming: Help! Help! Help! Someone help! Help, Po!
Po: Monkey, listen! Let me explain.
Monkey: I have nothing to say to you!
Po: Okay. So how do you think I felt, all those pranks you pulled on me? I was just trying to get even. I never wanted this to happen. You gotta believe me!
[As Monkey and Po continue chasing, the scene cuts to the captors running across the forest path.]
Bao: See? I told you we could do this. Wait until they get that ransom note. We're gonna be rolling in money.
Tsao: Oops. I forgot to leave the note.
[The captors stop.]
Bao: What? You forgot? Ah!
[Monkey and Po stop. The captors hide behind a rock and listen to their conversation.]
Monkey: Why didn't you just tell me, before you let it get too far?
Po: I tried, but I was worried about hurting your feelings.
Bao: Now's our chance to get those guys.
[Tsao places Ming on a hanging branch.]
Po: I'm really sorry, Monkey. [As they continue their conversation, they effortlessly fight against the captors one by one.] Why do you think I went through all this trouble?
Monkey: That makes sense. I guess.
Ming: Hey! Guys! I'm over here.
Po: Just a second! Monkey, you're my best friend. I'd never do anything to hurt you ever.
Ming: Okay, you can rescue me now!
Monkey: I know. I just got so worked up.
Ming: Seriously. Rescue me!
Monkey: We said a second! We're doing something important here. [knocks Bao to Ming’s side]
Ming: Do you believe those guys? I said rescue me, you nitwits!
Monkey: You know, you're right. She is kind of mean.
Monkey: I forgive you, Po.
Po: Thanks, buddy.
[As Tsao and Lao are defeated, Bao runs off with Ming.]
Ming: Rescue me, you idiots!
Po: Yeah! [Po tosses Monkey at Bao. Monkey defeats Bao and catches Ming from the air.] Woo! [The scene fades to the captors tied up near a large rock. Tsao is seen holding the Stone of Lu Mong.] I'll take that. [takes stone]
Tsao: No! Now we've got nothing for Mom's birthday.
Monkey: Flowers are always nice.
Tsao: [smiles] Yeah. Thanks.
Monkey: The pleasure is ours.
[As Monkey and Po turn around, they stop and see Ming walking towards them.]
Ming: I can't believe you were going to let them carry me away! To think I liked you. Hmph! [walks away]
Po: Shall we go stop a war, buddy?
[As Monkey and Po walk away, Tsao struggles to escape from his cuffs. Suddenly, a piece of rock falls on them. The scene cuts to the exterior of the Jade Palace. As Shifu presents the Stone of Lu Mong to its owners, Po, Monkey, Ming, Woo, and Hu stand behind him.]
Shifu: I am pleased to return the Stone of Lu Mong to you.
Lu Mong Delegate #1: [takes stone] Now we won't have to declare war. Lucky for you. [walks away with Lu Mong Delegate #2]
Hu: [to Shifu] Between you, me, and the windmill, I think we could have taken them.
Woo: Come, Ming. Our job here is done. [walks away]
Ming: Yes, father. [glances at Monkey and Po] Hmph. [walks away]
Monkey: What did I ever see in her anyway?
Po: Pfft. Beats me, buddy. Just as long as you and I are cool.
Monkey: The coolest. [As Po is about to walk away, he looks behind him and sees a rope wrapped around his leg. Suddenly, a bowl of pudding hits his face.] Tee hee, got you again. [runs away and laughs]
Po: Monkey! [chases Monkey]
[End of Act 3]
[End of transcript]