|This article is out of universe from Kung Fu Panda.|
|This subject has been distinguished as part of the real world and therefore should not be taken as part of the fictional universe of the Kung Fu Panda franchise.|
Secrets of the Furious Five
| This section needs revising.|
The content below could use some extra attention. You can help by editing it!
[Po and Shifu are racing each other up the palace stairs.]
SHIFU: Are you ready?
PO: Ready's my middle name!
[Po speeds off ahead, and beats Shifu to their destination: the entrance doors to the Training Hall's courtyard. Po and Shifu put their backs to the door. Po pauses to catch his breath.]
PO: So what have we got? A gang of terrible rhinos? Crocs? Rabid wolves? Let's do it!
SHIFU: Be warned: This may be the toughest challenge you will ever have to face.
[Po chuckles in anticipation. Then he blasts into the courtyard with a flying kick.]
PO: Get ready to feel the THUNDA... eh?
[Instead of rabid wolves, the courtyard is full of rambunctious little rabbit children. Shifu follows Po inside.]
SHIFU: Introduction to kung fu class.
[Po watches several children beating up a training dummy, which has been redesigned to look like Po. The real Po winces as one of the children delivers a flying kick to the dummy's head.]
PO: Can I use the Wuxi Finger Hold on them?
SHIFU: [Pause] I'd try not to. Remember Po, each generation teaches the next one, and so the art of kung fu lives on; in you, and now in these... [A rabbit flies past them and crashes off-screen.] uh... delightful children. [Shifu speeds outside.]
SHIFU: Good luck. [slams the doors shut, trapping Po inside.]
[Not expecting this challenge at all, Po rushes to the door and sees Shifu walking away through a crack.]
PO: Wait a second! Master Shifu! Master Shi- come on! Auugh. [gulps and slowly approaches the students] Okay, if you'll just take a seat... er, hello? [The rabbits continue to play-fight.] Hey, settle down now... [No response.] Okay, er... [Po spots a nearby gong and strikes it with a flying kick, getting the students' attention at last.] Get those cotton tails on the floor!
RABBIT CHILDREN: The Dragon Warrior! [The students rush over and sit on the floor in front of Po.]
PO: Thank you...
RABBIT 1: Are we gonna learn the cool kung fu moves?
PO: Yes. [The students cheer.]
RABBIT 1: Now we're really gonna start kicking butt!
PO: Hey, hey, hold on. Kicking butt is just a small part of kung fu. It's awesome, but it's small.
RABBIT CHILDREN: Huh?
PO: Kung fu means "Excellence of Self"; being the best you can be. That's what it's about, bunnies!
[A shy young rabbit walks up and taps Po on the leg.]
RABBIT 2: I wanna learn "Tigress Style"...
RABBIT 1: [groans] Aren't we going to fight?
RABBIT 3: Yeah, like the Furious Five!
PO: The Furious Five, huh? They are cool, aren't they? But it wasn't fighting that made them amazing. No. They each had to learn the secrets of kung fu before they became excellent.
RABBIT 1: Secrets? What secrets?
PO: Oh, I shouldn't really say. That's why it's a secret. It's top secret.
RABBIT CHILDREN: Pleeeeaaase tell us. Tell us, pleeeeeeaaaaase...
PO: Aww... Okay. but don't tell anyone I told you, because I'll deny it- I'll be like, "What? I didn't tell them anything." Alright...
[Po begins telling the stories of the Furious Five, starting with Master Mantis. A slightly younger Mantis is seen battling a gang of ladybugs.]
PO: [in voiceover] Even though Master Mantis was about a wee bug, he was fast, lightning fast! And whenever somebody needed some help...
ANT: [being cornered by a ladybug] Help me!
PO: ...KABLOOEY! He was there! [He sends two more skidding across the ground.]
LADYBUG LEADER: Get him!
- [Dozens of ladybugs leap on Mantis pile up on him. With a flash, Mantis sends them all flying!]
PO: He was the hero of the valley!
MANTIS: Ha ha! [The ladybugs plummet back to earth behind him.]
PO: But he had one tiny problem...
- [The scene changes to Mantis impatiently tapping chopsticks at a table in a restaurant.]
MANTIS: Waiter, I'm starving over here!
PO: He was totally impatient.
MANTIS: What's taking so long?
- [From Mantis's perspective, everything is in slow motion. Fellow customers dine at a third of their normal speed.]
PO: The world was too slow for Mantis... [A waiter lowers Mantis's bowl in slow motion.] ... and he was too fast for the world!
MANTIS: Give me that! [Snatches the bowl and eats at a very fast pace.]
PO: But one day... it would get him into trouble.
- [Mantis finishes his bowl too fast for his liking. Later, Mantis is sitting at another table with a distressed sheep.]
SHEEP: A gang of crocodiles stole my village's supply of-
SHEEP: Er, wool coats. And if we don't get them back, we'll-
MANTIS: Look unfashionable?
SHEEP: Freeze to death!
MANTIS: Just as I thought! And where did these scaly savages run off to?
SHEEP: They went-
MANTIS: West! [Speeds off.]
SHEEP: No, east!
MANTIS: [Speeds back.] Aw, what the-
SHEEP: Towards the-
MANTIS: The hills! [Speeds off again.]
MANTIS: [Speeds back once again.] Ohhh... [Begins tapping on the table impatiently.]
SHEEP: Towards the island of the-
SHEEP: Crocodile bandits!
MANTIS: Crocodile bandits, east, wool coats! I knew it! I'll need a boat.
[In the next scene, Mantis and the sheep are standing next to a small boat in the docks.]
SHEEP: You'll need to be very-
SHEEP: Careful! Take-
MANTIS: A packed lunch?
SHEEP: This map! [She holds out a map, and Mantis swiftly slaps it down.]
MANTIS: No maps! [He leaps on the boat and begins rowing away at top speed.]
SHEEP: Mantis, they-
MANTIS: Won't know what hit them! [Rows off down the river.]
SHEEP: B-but traps! They're famous for setting traps... [Sighs deeply.]
[Mantis rows down the river towards the crocodile bandits' hideout, on the lookout for bandits. He is unaware of the bandits watching him from under the water. Mantis reaches the hideout, leaps off the boat, and spots a pile of wool coats lying in front of the building, unguarded. Mantis approaches them, and is taken surprise when he is suddenly trapped in a metal cage and dangling in the air.]
MANTIS: A trap! Why didn't anyone warn me!?
[Three crocodile bandits appear and surround the entrapped Mantis.]
BANDIT 1: Well, if it isn't the world famous Mantis. Guess you were so fast you forgot to check for traps, hah!
MANTIS: Well how about you let me out, and I'll show you how fast I can make you cry!
BANDIT 1: How about we leave you in there and see how fast you can grow old?
[The bandits laugh and walk off. Mantis begins trying to break out of his cage.]
PO: No matter how hard he tried, Mantis could not escape.
[After a while, Mantis gives up.]
MANTIS: No matter how hard I try, I cannot escape! [Falls back in defeat, and stares up at the roof of the cage.]
PO: He could do nothing but sit and wait for something to happen. And so he waited... [Mantis sits idle in the cage for an indefinite period of time.] ... and waited... and waited... until something mind-blowing happened.
[While Mantis is lying on the floor, the world around him begins moving at top speed. His eyes follow the sun as it passes and passes and passes over in the sky.]
PO: For the first time, the world around Mantis moved faster than he did. Forced to wait, Mantis entered a trance-like totally awesome state of mind! Mantis had found the one thing he had been missing... Patience! [Mantis's eyes widen, then he smiles deviously.] And a brilliant plan.
[At that moment, a crocodile bandit approaches and bats the cage.]
BANDIT 2: Hey Mantis! Wake up, time to eat. [Peeks inside.] Er... hey you guys?
[His two friends walk up to the cage, and they see that Mantis has apparently died.]
BANDIT 3: Uh, that's yucky.
BANDIT 2: I think he's dead.
BANDIT 1: Touch him, poke him with something!
BANDIT 3: Careful, careful!
[One of the bandits tentatively pokes a stick through the bars and jabs Mantis for signs of life. Mantis sweats as he strains to keep still.]
PO: Mantis had to summon every ounce of chi he could muster... just to keep from laughing. The crocodiles totally fell for his amazing Staying-still-for-a-really-long-time technique.
[The bandits slowly open the cage. At that moment, Mantis leaps up and begins pummeling the villains. Suddenly he freezes.]
MANTIS: Wait for it...
[Another bandit charges. Waiting until the right moment, Mantis quickly floors him. He continues to beat the bandits, and next to no time there is a whole pile of them lying stunned on the floor. Mantis leaps in front of the, performing various combative positions.]
PO: Mantis had finally found the secret to excellence of self: the mind-blowing power... [Mantis places himself in a meditative position.] ... of patience.
[The scene changes to Po in the same position as he finishes his tale. He opens his eyes to find that the students have resumed their play-fighting.]
PO: Hey, wait...
RABBIT 2: Wait for it...
RABBIT 3: Hey look! [He points to Rabbit 1 playing dead.] It's his Staying-still-for-a-really-long-time-technique!
PO: You're missing the point, it's not about fighting! Stop fighting... stop... ahhhhh! Now sit! [Unexpectedly, the students resume their sitting positions in front of Po. Po stares at them for a moment, taken aback.] Okay, now pay attention this time! [He pulls out a ribbon and begins his next story.]
[In 2D, a dragon floats in the air, and spews fire which changes into a single drop of venom.]
PO: [In voiceover] It is said that the Viper Clan descended from mighty dragons, whose legendary flame was distilled into the viper's powerful venom! [A powerful looking snake sits on a hill, sporting deadly-looking long fangs.] Great Master Viper was the greatest of this fabled clan. One touch of his ivory tips could fell...
[A gang of gorillas leap on the scene.]
PO: Fifteen gorilla warriors! [The gorillas suddenly squeal and topple backwards.] And a mid-sized crocodile. [Next to them, a crocodile also collapses.] Evil itself trembled before him... [Bandits tremble in fear on both sides of Master Viper as he slithers between them.] and before the awe-smacking awesomeness of his Poison Fang Technique!
PO: And so it was with great joy that the daughter of the Grand Master was born to carry on the tradition.
VIPER'S FATHER: Finally, a little warrior to carry on my legacy. [He gently pulls down the cloth beneath the infant Viper's chin, and she opens her eyes.]
PO: And when the tiny Viper smiled up at her father... [Viper smiles.] the world itself shook. [The camera actually shakes.] That's right... no fangs.
[Viper's mother looks up at her husband in dismay. Master Viper is stunned.]
VIPER'S FATHER: No venom. [He faints.]
[The scene changes to winter. Viper's father faces a gang of invading bandits.]
PO: Years went by. Viper's father was still the only one who could protect the village. [Viper's father swiftly subdues the bandits with his fangs] From the bad dudes.
[In summer time, a slightly older Viper smiles at her father, who is sitting depressed in a corner of the room. She still has no fangs.]
PO: And little Viper still had no fangs. The Great Master was disconsolate.
VIPER: [Timidly] Can I help?
VIPER'S FATHER: [Looks up at Viper and sighs.] No, little one. It is too dangerous for you.
[Viper is disheartened. Then she spots a red ribbon and begins dancing with it. Her mother watches.]
PO: And so Viper did a little dance to make her father smile. [Viper's father looks up, and smiles slightly.] And it worked... just a little bit.
[The scene switches back to Po and the rabbit students.]
PO: Now I bet you're wondering... where's the kicking butt?
RABBIT CHILDREN: Yeah!
PO: Patience, o small ones. It begins... NOW!
[The scene switches to the full moon in a peaceful night sky.]
PO: Okay, well not right now. But soon... soon! [The sky is suddenly lit with fireworks.] Moon Festival time! [In her house, Viper is expertly dancing with her ribbon.] And all that dancing for her sad dad made Viper blossom into the best ribbon dancer in the village! But without fangs she was too afraid to go to the festival.
[A timid Viper looks down at the festive village from her window, alongside her mother. She sighs and lowers her head. Down in the village, her father slithers past celebrating villagers.]
PO: The great master was on his way to the Wanton booth when... [Suddenly, a large gorilla leaps on the scene and roars, pounding his chest.] A gorilla bandit showed up!
GORILLA: Cower now, old snake! Your town will soon tremble beneath my mighty fist!
VIPER'S FATHER: Not if I defeat you now, with the awe-inspiring awesomeness of my Poison Fang technique!
GORILLA: Then bite me, o' fanged one!
VIPER'S FATHER: S-s-s-Shamalah! [The gorilla leaps into the air. Viper's father lunges, fangs bared.]
PO: For the great master's poison fang was invincible!
[His fangs shatter upon contact with the gorilla's armor. The snake falls to the ground, stunned.]
VIPER'S FATHER: But... how?
[The gorilla laughs, and reveals his shining armor.]
GORILLA: My poison-proof armor defies your fabled fangs!
[Up in her house, Viper looks up and sees her father in the gorilla's grip.]
[Viper's mother also sees him in trouble, but then also notices that Viper is no longer at her side.]
VIPER'S MOTHER: Viper? [She looks around and then spots her daughter racing from the house and into town.] Viper!
[Viper rushes to her father's aid as the gorilla swings him round like a hammer.]
PO: Viper had no idea what she would do. [The gorilla looks down and sees Viper glaring at him from the ground, still clutching her ribbon.] But one thing she did know...
VIPER: No-one beats up my daddy!
GORILLA: A little snake with pretty ribbons? [Laughs. Viper falters.] What? Are you going to dance for me?
[The gorilla continues to laugh in amusement. Provoked, Viper smiles deviously.]
VIPER: If it'll make you happy... let's dance!
[With a flick of her tail, she wraps the ribbon around the bandit's arm and yanks him to the ground. Enraged, the gorilla rears up and attempts to pound Viper with his other fist. She dodges, and slithers up his arm, wrapping it it ribbon along the way. Now she has both arms trapped, Viper yanks on the ribbon, causing the gorilla to punch himself repeatedly in the face.]
VIPER: I don't have to bite... to fight! [Stunned, the gorilla crashes to the ground. Viper slithers up and wraps up his legs.] Too bad your fists aren't as fast as your mouth! [She wraps up the rest of him and sits proudly on top of his body.] My deceptive dancing defies your posion proof armour!
[Viper snaps her tail. Her father slithers up, gazing at his daughter and what she has just done.]
PO: The great master marvelled at this little snake with no venom, who had learned to dance to make her father smile. [Viper smiles at her father, revealing her lack of fangs. Her father smiles back, now also without fangs.] And so she had. [Viper leaps down to her father and the fireworks light up the sky around them.] That night, Viper found courage... a power far more potent than venom!
[The scene switches back to the courtyard as Po finishes. The rabbit children sigh sadly, lowering their heads.]
PO: What? What's with the sad faces? Viper's totally awesome!
RABBIT 1: Yeah... but she's so cool. We're just bunnies.
RABBIT 2: We're not like Viper...
[Po looks at them for a long moment.]
PO: No you're not!
RABBIT CHILDREN: Huh?
PO: That's just the point! Crane wasn't cool either.
[The scene changes to a large building where a large group of rhino students train with staffs.']
PO: [Voice over] Twenty years ago, the best students trained at the famed Lee Da Kung Fu Academy.
[A rhino student shatters a stone block with his staff. The instructor, an ox, nods in praise. The student turns to a female snow leopard, also wielding a staff.]
PO: But the best of the best was Mei Ling. She was a total knockout!
[Mei Ling leaps as the student lunges. She knocks him out cold with one hit. In another part of the academy, Crane is also doing kung fu moves with what appears to be a staff.]
PO: Crane was there too. As the... erm... janitor. [Crane is revealed to be sweeping the floor with a broom (what we thought was the staff.)]
INSTRUCTOR: Hey, Crane! The new student tryouts are next week!
PO: Crane longed to be one of the students. [Crane briefly daydreams of a heroic version of himself in golden armour.]
INSTRUCTOR: So, this place needs to be ready.
CRANE: [He returns to reality, and his much less muscular body, and sighs.]
PO: But he thought he was too skinny.
INSTRUCTOR: Hey Crane! Get sweeping!
[Crane immediately gets to work. That night, Crane flies by an open window with his broom, unaware that Mei Ling is watching.]
PO: The students of the academy had it tough... but Crane had it tougher.
[Crane performs various chores with a impressive amount of agility and grace. Mei Ling is astonished.]
[[|Mei Ling|MEI LING]]: Wow...
[Crane lands after dousing two lamps with his broom, and is startled when Mei Ling approaches.]
MEI LING: Hey Crane, you're amazing.
CRANE: Who... [Crane looks behind him.] Me?
MEI LING: You should try out for the school.
CRANE: Oh no, that's craziness talking... [Pauses as he thinks about it.] No, no no no...
MEI LING: Well, you'll never know unless you try.
[Mei Ling leaves. Crane stares, shocked and encouraged by her words.]
PO: If Mei Ling thought so, maybe he should try. And so every night after work, Crane trained for the tryouts.
[Crane proceeds to train vigorously. He does push ups, attempts to chop a block of wood (injuring his wing) and even trains during his chores. Then on the day of the tryouts, Crane is standing nervously at the end of a line of hopefuls who are several times his size.]
PO: The day of the tryouts came. All you had to do to get into the school, was capture that little red flag.
[The instructor displays a little red flag at the far end of a kung fu course. The first of the hopefuls goes straight for it.]
PO: It was simple... [The boar is sent flying by a swinging log that comes out of nowhere.] simple but impossible!
[Several more hopefuls attempt the course and fail painfully at the hands of the various traps, which range from trapdoors to wooden warriors. Crane winces and looks even more nervous as the last of the hopefuls is carried away on a stretcher.]
INSTRUCTOR: Pathetic. Not one of you can do this?
MEI LING: Wait, there is one. [She points to Crane.]
CRANE: [Timidly] Er... hey everybody. [He waves a wing.]
INSTRUCTOR: Crane? [He begins laughing, and the rhino students follow suit. Only Mei Ling does not laugh. Crane is distraught and humiliated.] With those skinny legs...
CRANE: Oh yeah, my skinny legs. First time that's ever been mentioned...
INSTRUCTOR: Crane, since you're here, why don't you get started cleaning. [He stops laughing and tosses Crane a broom. Crane looks sadly down at the broom as Mei Ling approaches, apologetic.]
MEI LING: I'm so sorry.
CRANE: Ah, don't worry about it. It's perfectly fine-
INSTRUCTOR: Crane, get going! There are teeth everywhere.
CRANE: [Sighs] It's fine... really... [Walks sadly off and begins sweeping dozens of teeth off the floor.] If one word came to mind, it would be fine... it's fine...
INSTRUCTOR: CRANE, STOP!
[Crane steps over a white line and is horrified to find himself smack bang in the middle of the kung fu course. The traps surrounding him creak ominously.]
INSTRUCTOR: Now, step out slowly...
[Crane, however, spots the red flag and turns to it.]
PO: But Crane didn't move.
[The traps around the flag change to washing lines. Crane realises that this course is similar to his chores. He looks back at Mei Ling, and she nods in encouragement. Crane cautiously steps over a wooden bar. A wooden warrior strikes out, but Crane instinctively blocks it with his broom.]
PO: And then Crane felt something new... [Crane gasps] Confidence! He felt it at the bottom of his skinny little feet to the tip of his beak! Even his hat was full of confidence!
[Crane begins expertly dodging, blocking and deflecting the various traps with hardly any effort, using his wings and his broom with the grace of a true kung fu warrior. Mei Ling looks on in delight as he dodges a huge swinging log by an inch, then rides it with one leg, leaps off, traps two more traps with his broom, and reaches the red flag. Crane proudly exits the course, flag in hand, and approaches a greatly impressed Mei Ling.]'
PO: So you guys think you're not cool, huh? Well, you'd be lucky to be not as cool... er, half as cool... how uncool Crane was, you know what I mean?
[As Crane, Mei Ling and the students celebrate, the scene fades to Po in a kung fu pose. The rumbling of his stomach draws his attention.]
PO: Okay, all this training's making me hungry. Let's break for lunch. [Starts to leave.]
RABBIT 1: Wait! But you haven't finished telling us all the secrets.
[Po stops and turns back to them.]
PO: Haven't I? I think you'll find that I have.
RABBIT 1: Actually, Po... you haven't.
PO: [Falters] I haven't? [He counts with his fingers.] Oh no, you're right. I totally haven't. Ahem, next lesson.
[In Po's next tale, a large, circular building sits bathed in sunlight.]
PO: [Voiceover] It all started years ago at the Bao Gu Orphanage.
[Inside the courtyard in the centre of the building, young children are playing until a bell is heard.]
PO: Every month, the children of Bao Gu were given a chance to find... a family! [The children run to the large entrance doors, which open to reveal a group of adults.] It was a happy place... [Several orphans leave with the adults. The Matron smiles as she watches them leave, but when the doors close, her expression turns to fear.] ... or so it seemed.
[Storm clouds gather and rains splatters the courtyards as the Matron walks fearfully across it.]
PO: For the Bao Gu Orphanage had a terrible secret. [A roar in the distance, frightens the Matron and she starts running. Elsewhere, children tremble in their beds.] A monster! A ferocious and powerful beast that no-one could tame! And one night... [A heavy, armoured door is suddenly blasted outwards. A pair of yellow eyes glow in the darkness.] it escaped!
[The Matron cautiously hunts for the 'monster' with a net on a stick. Suddenly, the monster emerges and the Matron screams! She and the orphans scatter as the monster's silhouette trashes the corridor.]
PO: Behold! The monster of Bao Gu was none other than... [The silhouette stops trashing and lightning illuminates the scene.] ... Tigress!
TIGRESS: I just want to play.
[The orphans cower, terrified by the much younger Tigress's fangs and claws.]
PO: She wasn't like the other furry bunnies or cute little ducks.
[The orphans flee the scene.]
[Saddened and infuriated, Tigress roars in frustration. Lightning streaks the sky above the orphanage. The next morning, Tigress is back in her room, which has been trashed by her uncontrollable strength.]
PO: Poor Tigress had no idea how strong she was.
[Tigress hears voices coming from outside her door. Getting off her bed and peeking through a crack in the door, Tigress sees the shadows of the Matron speaking to a figure just outside her vision.]
MATRON: Nobody will come here to adopt a child because they're afraid of her. [Tigress gasps softly.] She's a monster, a monster!
[A distraught Tigress walks over to a corner and sits facing the wall.]
PO: The orphanage needed some help.
[The door opens.]
VOICE: Tigress? [Tigress turns her head slightly, eyes narrowed.] I am Shifu. I am-
[Master Shifu steps forward and shuts the door behind him.]
TIGRESS: [Angered.] Well, you should be! I am Tigress, Tigress the monster! [Her anger turns to sadness and she turns back to the wall.] A monster no-one wants.
SHIFU: [Firmly, but gently.] You are not a monster. You're just a little girl.
[These words surprise Tigress, and she turns back with soft gasp. Having got her attention, Shifu swiftly sets out a line of dominoes and picks up a dominoe.]
SHIFU: Let us play.
[Shifu holds out the dominoe. Tentatively, Tigress reaches for the tile. However, her strength shatters the fragile piece of wood. Lightning quick, Shifu graps a piece as it flies past him, and holds it out to Tigress for her to see.]
SHIFU: You must learn to control your strength.
PO: And so the training began.
[Shifu and Tigress stand facing each other in another room.]
SHIFU: This game requires discipline... [Shifu begins making slow, graceful arm movements.] ... precision... [Tigress clumsily attempts to copy him.] ... a still hand... and a steady heart. [Tigress accidentally puts her fist through the wall, terrifying the Matron and some orphans standing on the other side.] Focus.
[Tigress groans off screen.]
[Tigress places a tile down in a line of dominoes, causing them to topple. In the next scene, Shifu tosses several tiles into the air, leaps up and grabs them with one hand. He lands, and reveals the tiles expertly piled on top of each other in his hand.]
PO: Tigress tried her best... [Tigress's turn: Shifu throws them in the air again, and Tigress leaps up and grabs them. She lands, but finds to her dismay that her strength has reduced them to splinters.] ... but she still couldn't control her temper. [Tigress tosses them away in anger.]
PO: And so the weeks turned into months.
[Shifu and Tigress stand next to each other, doing graceful arm movements. We can see that Tigress is making progress. Later, Shifu tosses several dominoes into the air again.]
[Tigress leaps up, grabs the dominoes, and this time they are all in one piece.]
PO: Until one day...
[On the courtyard Tigress begins gracefully placing dozens of dominoes on the floor, while the Matron and the orphans watch. Eventually, Tigress is sitting in a circular gap in the middle of the group of dominoes. She looks up to Shifu, and he gives her an encouraging nod. Tigress gently taps one of the tiles, and the dominoes all topple over to feature the Yin Yang symbol.]
PO: She had done it! Her training was complete.
[Shifu smiles in satisfaction as the orphans cheer and embrace Tigress. Some time later, Tigress is playing with dominoes with two of the other orphans. They laugh happily.]
PO: Once again, the Bao Gu Orphanage was the happiest place in China. [A bell rings. Tigress and the other orphans look up as the door opens to reveal a group of adults.] But for Tigress, one test remained... would she find a family?
[The orphans leave with their new families. However, much to her sadness and disappointment, Tigress is left standing alone in the courtyard.]
PO: Total bummer.
MATRON: Come, dear. There's always next time. [The Matron leads Tigress back inside.]
PO: All the adults were still afraid of her.
[Sitting alone on a table, Tigress sadly stands up a domino on the table's surface.]
PO: All but one.
[Shifu appears and places another tile next to Tigress'.]
TIGRESS: Shifu! [Overjoyed.]
SHIFU: Come... let us go home.
[Shifu turns to leave. Tigress flips in the air with joy and runs after Shifu. As they leave the orphanage, he briefly gives her a small but genuinely sweet smile, then returns to his solemn expression as they head for the Jade Palace.]
[The scene returns to Po and the rabbit students. We see that this particular tale has reduced Po to tearful sobs. The children snicker, and when Po notices them, they burst into all-out laughter.]
PO: [Collects himself.] So, you think that's funny, do you?
RABBIT CHILDREN: Yeah!
PO: Well, I guess it's easier to laugh at someone than to have someone laugh at you, right? Let me tell you about Monkey...
[As Po begins the last of his tales, the scene changes: In a village, an elderly rabbit walking through the streets does not notice an acrobatic figure leaping across the rooftops above him. A teenage Monkey nabs two banana's squeezes them until they pop out of their skins, and catches them in his mouth.]
PO: [Voiceover] Three words: b-a-d- bad! Well, I guess it's one word, three letters. But he wasn't just bad as in awesome, no-ho, he was also bad as in... well... not very good.
[Monkey sneaks into the courtyard, and plants several banana skins next to the feet of the unsuspecting citizens. He back up on the roof.]
MONKEY: Hey, over here!
VILLAGERS: WOOOAAAH!!! [Monkey laughs as the villagers slip on the skins and crash to the ground. The villagers pick themselves up and glare at Monkey.] Jerk!
[Monkey laughs and leaps away.]
PO: The villagers had had enough. They came up with a plan.
[Monkey is sitting on a wagon, eating more bananas. He looks up and see a group of villagers approaching him. They stop and say-]
[Monkey tosses a banana skin in a villager's face. They slump and walk off.]
PO: Okay, well, it wasn't a great plan. So instead of asking Monkey to leave...
[Later Monkey is woken from a nap when the earth shakes from beneath him. He looks up to find an enormous warrior ox stomping towards him, weilding an enormous mace.]
PO: They decided that they would make him leave!
[The warrior roars and lunges. Monkey leaps up, and the mace demolishes the spot he had been standing seconds before. Monkey flies over his head, bounces off his back, and lands in front of the gathered villagers. The warrior turns to face him threateningly, and Monkey's fearful expression turns to amusement as he lifts up a belt. The warrior's pants fall down.]
WARRIOR: [He screams like a woman and covers his privates.] Aaaaah!
[With a laugh, Monkey swats him away with his tail. Later, a group of rhinos from Chor-Gom Prison storm toward the trouble-maker.]
PO: No matter who the villagers sent... [Off screen, we hear a swish sound and several girlish screams. The rhinos totter back in the other direction holding up their beltless pants.] They were no match for Monkey.
[Several more warriors face Monkey, and meet the same defeat. Monkey falls backward in hysterics, clutching dozens of belts.]
PO: Monkey could quite literally... beat the pants off anyone!
[One day, Monkey is relaxing on his usual spot on the roof. He looks up and sees an elderly tortoise holding a thin wooden staff approach him.]
PO: Well... almost anyone.
[Monkey stares at this foe: he is not like the others.]
OOGWAY: Monkey, you must leave.
[Monkey leaps down and faces his latest opponent.]
MONKEY: Suuure. If you beat me, I'll go, but if you don't it is you that must leave... without your pants! [Laughs]
PO: But Oogway wore no pants.
OOGWAY: Well, we shall see.
[Money is taken aback, but quickly leaps onto the roof. He grabs a bamboo staff as he runs across the roof, and leaps at Oogway. With one hand, Oogway sends Monkey flying backwards. Annoyed, Monkey leaps back on the roof, then springs and sends dozens of banana peels flying at Oogway. The old master soon finds himself standing in the middle of a thick patch of slippery peels. Monkey leaps down in front of him.]
MONKEY: What are you going to do now?
[Oogway lips his licks as he prepares to make his next move. He takes one step forward, and stands on a peel. Instead of crashing to the ground, however, Oogway flies straight for Monkey. Monkey attempts to counter with a flying kick, but Oogway sends him spinning back with his staff. Recovering, Monkey lunges at Oogway, fist thrust forward. With a chuckle, Oogway quickly tucks his head into his shell, and Monkey goes flying straight over him. Monkey ends up landing in the banana peel patch, and slides into the base of a large wooden pillar. The pillar begins to topple, but Monkey is prevented from moving out of the way by the slippery banana skins. Quick as lightning, Oogway pulls Monkey out of the way as the pillar crashes to the ground, and sets him down.]
MONKEY: [Looks from the pillar to Oogway, stunned.] You saved me. Why?
OOGWAY: Mmm, Monkey. You have shown me great skills. But, I also sense in you... great pain.
[Monkey's eyes widen. In a flashback, we see a much younger monkey slip on a banana peel, and lose his pants a second after. The other children laugh, and Monkey is reduced to tears. Back in the present, the painful memory causes the older Monkey to sob. Oogway smiles sympathetically.]
MONKEY: You win. I will leave.
[He gets up and begins to leave. Oogway steps forward and puts a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.]
OOGWAY: Stay. Use your skills for good, young warrior. Find the one thing you were denied so long ago...
MONKEY: My pants?
[Monkey smiles, and bows before Oogway, as the villagers cheer.]
MONKEY: Thank you, master.
[Some time later, the elderly rabbit from earlier is about to go down a long flight of steps. Suddenly, Monkey picks him up and brings him down to the bottom of the stairs. After being set down, the rabbit smiles at him.]
PO: And so Monkey learned to treat others how he wanted to be treated. And now he was indeed good... [Monkey hears a yell and spots a villager being threatened by a knife-wielding bandit in an alleyway.] really good.
[Monkey flicks a banana peel, sending it straight into the bandit's face and knocking him down. That night, Monkey leaps onto the roof, balances on his staff, and oversees the village.]
PO: But bad, too... as in badtasically GOOD!
[The rabbit students cheer as Po finishes the story.]
RABBIT CHILDREN: YEEEAAAH!
[The students begin play-fighting again.]
RABBIT 1: Without your pants, we shall see...
PO: Hey guys, easy, easy...
[Shifu arrives on the scene.]
SHIFU: Not so easy, hmmm?
PO: No, it's...
SHIFU: You see, teaching kung fu is an art that takes years to master... do not be disappointed if you've failed.
[Shifu chuckles. Po's shoulders slump as Shifu turns to the students.]
SHIFU: Tell me... what do you know about kung fu?
RABBIT 2: Uhhh...
RABBIT 1: It's about fighting! Wa-yah!
[Shifu looks at Po disapprovingly. Po chuckles nervously.]
RABBIT 1: But it's also about having patience.
[Shifu and Po are both surprised.]
RABBIT CHILDREN: And courage... and discipline... and compassion!
RABBIT 2: Uhhh... it builds... confidence?
[Astonished, he turns back to Po, who simply smiles.]
SHIFU: Er... you, er... carry on, Master Po. I'm going to meditate.
[Shifu walks away. Po turns back to his students and claps in praise.]
PO: Yeah... great job! Not bad for your first day of training!
RABBIT 2: Wait, Po. What about you?
RABBIT 1: Tell us about your first day! Come on, tell us!
[Po chuckles, but then he flashes back to a montage of his chaotic, torturous, and downright painful first day of training. After coming back to reality, Po looks down at his students and says-]
PO: It was totally awesome!
RABBIT CHILDREN: Cool.