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This article is out of universe from Kung Fu Panda. This subject has been distinguished as part of the real world and therefore should not be taken as part of the fictional universe of the Kung Fu Panda franchise. |
[In 2D animation. On a moonlit night in the Valley of Peace, three silhouettes leap effortlessly across the rooftops, eventually stopping on the roof of a particularly large building. We zoom inside the building and the scene then switches to 3D, though we don't know it yet because inside it is pitch black. We hear voices coming from outside.]
MANTIS: Keep it down!
'PO:' Hurry! We're running out of time!
[Suddenly, a crack of light appears in the darkness: a large slab of the ceiling is being dislodged.]
TIGRESS: Whose hand is that?
MANTIS: I don't even have hands!
PO: Quiet! You'll compromise the mission!
MANTIS: But seriously, does it look like I have hands?
[The slab is pulled out of sight, spilling moonlight into the room.]
PO: Go, go, go!
[Mantis and Tigress leap through the hole and into a kung-fu stance the second they touch the floor.]
PO: Be silent, like you're invisible! [Begins to climb in after them.] Not even the slightest-
[The edges of the hole crumble and Po crashes to the floor with a yell. Quickly recovering, the panda rolls towards a half wall.]
PO: Quick, into the shadows!
[Po silently leads Tigress and Mantis through the dark room, which we quickly see is full of antiques. Po peers around a corner and his expression suddenly lights up.]
PO: HAHA!
[Tigress and Mantis leap into action, ready for battle. But...]
TIGRESS: Wha...
[Instead of a gang of villains, the warriors are facing three larger-than-life golden statues of Masters Storming Ox, Croc and Thundering Rhino, surrounded by a vast array of kung fu artefacts.]
PO: The new Masters Council exhibit! Take it in... breathe it in... [He takes a deep sniff.] Ah, the smell of masters...
[Tigress's eyes narrow; she and Mantis are beginning to realise that they've been duped.]
TIGRESS: Po... you said this was an emergency.
PO: It was an emergency! If we had waited until tomorrow, the lines would have been around the block! [He laughes ecstatically.] Come on, this is the greatest collection of kung fu memorabilia ever!
MANTIS: So just to clear a few things up here, we're not under attack?
TIGRESS: Not yet.
[Excited, Po spots a nearby silver sword on a stand and runs over to it.]
PO: Look, the sword Master Ox used to defeat the Macaw Marauders! [He picks up the sword and plays with it a little bit.] I had no idea it was so shiny!
TIGRESS: Put that back!
[Po puts the sword back and moves on to the bamboo staff standing next to it.]
PO: And the staff Master Rhino used to liberate the village of Wenshen! [He playfully swings the staff around as if fighting off villains.] I had no idea it was so staffy!
MANTIS: Staffy?
[Po puts the staff back and spots a hanging purple cape with a white emblem.]
PO: No way! And the cape Master Croc used for... for... [He falters.] Well I don't know what he used it for, but let me tell you something... it made him look really cool.
TIGRESS: Goodnight Po!
[With Mantis on her shoulder, Tigress begins walking away. Po notices them leaving and runs after them.]
PO: Come on! How can you even think of going back to sleep when this close to- [He suddenly gasps upon catching sight of a large black container, it's metal doors wide open to reveal an empty space.] The Sarcophagus of Su Wu!
[Tigress and Mantis glance at Po in confusion.]
TIGRESS: Su what?
PO: Wu!
MANTIS: Who?
PO: Su Wu!
TIGRESS: Who's Su?
MANTIS: Not a clue?
PO: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... you haven't heard of the Wu Sisters?
[Tigress and Mantis shrug.]
PO: They were the most feared and notorious villains who ever terrorised China! Ah, but they did one good thing... [He gestures to the statues of the three famous masters.] They brought Masters Ox, Croc and Rhino together for the very first time! It all started long ago in the city of Jinzhou...
[As Po begins his tale, the scene fades to the 2D animated, bustling city of Jinzhou. In one of its many streets, a large crowd gathers, where some of the citizens are exchanging money and making bets.]
PO: [Voiceover] You see, not everyone practised kung fu for justice and honour.
[We zoom in through the crowd, where we see a large pig wearing an eyepatch standing on a small platform. Two stretchers carrying a battered ram and lizard pass by, stopping by the pig.]
ANNOUNCER: Good fight, boys! [He tosses a handfull of coins onto the lizard's stretcher.] Good to still you still have some teeth left, Stanley!
[Stanley gives the announcer a thumbs up and smiles, revealing his remaining tooth. The announcer cackles as the fighters are carried away, and then he lifts up a large bag of cash.]
ANNOUNCER: Next fight on today's program is the heavyweights! Which of you hulking punching bags wants in?
[An unseen person forcefully shoves his way through the crowd.]
PERSON: Out of my way... watch my tail...
[The person bursts through the crowd, and we see that it is a younger Master Croc, wearing the same cape Po had been admiring.]
CROC: The Croc is in! You can't hide from my impenetrable hide!
[As if to demonstrate, Croc whips off his cape and a bunny smashes a rock on his back. Croc doesn't even flinch. Suddenly we hear a loud grunt. The crowd on another side parts to reveal a younger Master Storming Ox.]
OX: The Ox is in! [Croc glares at his challenger.] My uniqueness is to analyse your weakness!
[As if to demonstrate, Ox turns his attention to a quivering bunny. With his keen observation, Ox focuses on the bunny's left ear.]
OX: Bingo!
[Ox leaps into a kung fu stance... and flicks the bunny's ear. Instantaneously, the bunny spins around on the floor, clutching his ear.]
RABBIT: My bad ear, he got my bad ear!
ANNOUNCER: Alright, let's get this slaughter started!
[CRASH! Everyone suddenly turns their attention to a nearby wall. CRASH! CRASH!!! A younger Thundering Rhino crashes through the wall in a showy fashion.]
RHINO: Not just yet!
ANNOUNCER: Boys, we've got ourselves a threeway battle blowout!
RHINO: My name is Rhino! My source of course is my unstoppable force!
[Meanwhile, in a nearby restaurant, a pig waiter looks on with bored disdain as he prepares to serve a customer tea.]
WAITER: Uh, who cares who wins? Those three are a disgrace to kung fu.
[The customer finishes his cup and lifts his head... we see that it is Master Oogway.]
OOGWAY: I fear they will all lose... until they find a battle worth fighting.
[The waiter looks at him.]
WAITER: Yeah, I hear that all the time. You wanted to see the dessert menu?
[He refills Oogway's cup as the three warriors face each other in the middle of the street.]
ANNOUNCER: Alright fellas, you know the rules... THERE AIN'T ANY!
[The fight begins. Croc readies himself as Rhino charges forward. Ox suddenly grabs Croc's arms just as Rhino slams into the reptile; Ox and Rhino rebound off of his tough hide in opposite directions. Rhino quickly recovers and Ox leaps back into battle. He kicks Croc away, but then Rhino grabs his horns while Croc comes back and grabs his legs. The three fighters struggle, but are now at a complete standstill.
High up on a balcony in the Jinzhou Palace, two gorilla guards are standing guard outside a room. Inside the room is the same sarcophagus Po pointed out, surrounded by ropes strung with bells. One of the guards notices the streetfight going on at the foot of the palace.]
GUARD: He-hey, look at this!
[The two guards proceed to watch the fight, unaware that two of the four feline statues standing behind them have just come alive. The two cats flip upwards out of sight.]
PO: [Voiceover] What the palace guards didn't know was that two of the Wu Sisters had already escaped their prisons... and were planning a little family reunion.
[Focused on the streetfight, the guards do not notice Wan and Wing Wu enter the room from the ceiling and fire a rope across the room. The two swiftly climb across, stopping above the sarcophagus. Wan Wu then dangles Wing Wu above the sealed container, carefully avoiding the bells. Wing reaches and sticks her claw into the lock on the roof of the black cage. She easilly unlocks the sarcophagus, and it opens to reveal the third sister; Su Wu. The reunited sisters leap forward, and Wan taps a bell. The two guards are finally alerted.]
GUARD: Guards! Attack!
[A large group of guards join the two and charge forward. The Wu Sisters link tails and morph into a swirling, firey vortex which flies into the guards and casts them away in an explosion of light that is witnessed by Oogway and the waiter, down below in the restaurant.]
OOGWAY: The Wu Sisters.
[The Wu Sisters seperate and leap onto the balcony.]
SU WU: Meow.
[The sisters escape.]
WAITER: What was that?
OOGWAY: A battle worth fighting.
[He peers at the three streetfighters... who are still locked in a standstill. Later, when the fight is over and the three have seperated, they stand in an alleyway with the announcer.]
ANNOUNCER: Here's your cut for that impressive three-way-tie.
[He tosses them a single coin and leaves. Rhino picks up the coin, outraged.]
RHINO: Wha- no, a tie? I won that fight fair and square!
CROC: Ha!
OX: You must be a comedian... cause that sounded like a joke to me! [He grabs the coin.]
RHINO: Yeah, well laugh it up... cause the real joke is your kung fu! [He grabs the coin back.]
CROC: Everyone know that your daddy is a famous kung fu master... but that does not make you a winner!
[Croc smack the coin out of Rhino's hand. Rhino roars with rage and the three warriors leap back, preparing to battle again. They are about to fight when-]
OOGWAY: Ah, I see the fight continue.
[The warriors turn to see Oogway standing at the end of the alley, holding a sheet of paper.]
CROC: Ah, a fan! [He grabs the paper and pulls out a quill.] Let me sign that for you! What's your name, little boy?
OOGWAY: My name is Oogway.
[Rhino gasps; he knows the name.]
RHINO: Master Oogway...
CROC: O-o-gway! Is that with two 'o's... wait a minute! This looks nothing like me!
[Croc suddenly notices that he is clutching a wanted poster of the Wu Sisters. Ox grabs the poster.]
OX: The Wu Sisters? They once took on the entire Jackal Nation armed with nothing more than... a pair of chopsticks!
[Rhino grabs the poster.]
RHINO: Together, they're more powerful than any kung fu master! I thought they were locked up.
To be continued...