|This article is out of universe from Kung Fu Panda.|
|This subject has been distinguished as part of the real world and therefore should not be taken as part of the fictional universe of the Kung Fu Panda franchise.|
Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Sticky Situation" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Scott Kreamer. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode opens up to the Furious Five eating in the Jade Palace kitchen, Viper is encouraging Mantis to eat.]
VIPER: Come on Mantis, you have to eat something. [Sets a bowl in front of him.]
MANTIS: [Sighs] I can't. My stomach feels like I've been drinkin' from the cup of heartbreak and sorrow. [Sighs]
[ Po walks in.]
PO: Did you try salt?
MANTIS: [Sighs again] She was the most beautiful caterpillar you ever saw, then one day, poof, she becomes a butterfly. Now it's like, I don't even know her.
TIGRESS: Romantic entanglements upset one's chi, that's why I avoid them.
MONKEY: Yeah, that's the reason.
PO: Oh Man-tis, you gotta eat. No eaty no energy, no energy no trainy, no trainy no...
MANTIS: Why-y are you-y talking like that-y?
PO: Because it's adorable... ooh I know just the dish to sooth your tiny broken heart. [Jumps to the corner and does the splits to reach the higher shelves.] Need a few bean paste dumplings, [Puts dumplings in a bowl.] liberal portion of honey, [Pours a jar of honey on the dumplings.] some sticky plum sauce, extra sticky, [Pours sauce on the dumplings.] and my own super secret ingredient.
[Po sprinkles a sand-like substance on the dumpling dish.]
CRANE: Isn't that what we patch walls with?
PO: So! Now we patch a broken heart. Now just give it a little bit of a stir [Stirs the dumplings with chopsticks.] and voila! Po's famous sticky dumplings. Try one Mantis. [Walks over to Mantis.]
MANTIS: Thanks Po. [Opens his mouth. Po pushes the dumpling into Mantis' face, making him stuck.] I seem to be stuck on your dumpling.
PO: Oops! [Chuckles nervously] [Mantis remains stuck to the dumpling as Po lifts the chopsticks from the table.] I guess I kinda went overboard with the sticky.
[Po tries to get Mantis unstuck by waving the chopsticks violently through the air.]
MANTIS: Not… as much fun… as it looks.
[Po bumps into Tigress' chair while swinging Mantis around.]
TIGRESS: This is ridiculous. [Gets up.] Here.
[Tigress grabs Mantis and pulls along with Po.]
MANTIS: Po! Po!
[Mantis becomes unstuck causing Po and Tigress to fall back. Po falls into a wall and Tigress falls into the table, flipping it. The five end up in a pileup next to the flipped table.]
[ Shifu walks in.]
SHIFU: Mealtime is over, let's train.
[Shifu walks away, the five follow. Po remains on the floor with a sticky dumpling stuck to his nose.]
PO: [Sits up] Uh, b-but I just made… I mean it seems like a shame to waste the… and… [Tugs at the sticky dumpling on his nose.] Maybe I'll just… [Rips the dumpling off his nose, yelling in pain. He prepares to eat it when Shifu calls.]
[Po puts the dumpling down and runs off. He quickly comes back and eats a dumpling and runs off again. He comes back again and eats one more dumpling before continuing on. He then reaches around and grabs the last two dumplings on the floor next to the bowl and leaves. Then he reaches around the corner and takes the bowl of dumplings.]
[Meanwhile the Furious Five begin training on the various mechanisms in the Training Hall. Mantis jumps through the Seven-Talon Rings and lands in his respective stance. He then drops his stance and lets out a melancholic sigh. The rest of the five land in their stances near Mantis.]
SHIFU: Excellent. Now Po I… [Gasps. A chewing sound is heard off screen.] Panda are you eating in here?!
[Po holds up his finger and continues chewing and then swallows.]
SHIFU: We have rules about eating in the Training Hall.
PO: Is one of them that we should?
SHIFU: [Sighs] That's enough training for today; you're dismissed... [The five bow and walk off. Po begins walking off with his dumplings.] ...except for you Dragon Warrior, I have a special mission for you.
PO: Ah, [Looks to the five who are smiling while walking out the door.] you guys go on; special mission.
SHIFU: I would like the Dragon Warrior...
PO: Yes?! [Gets increasingly excited as Shifu talks.]
SHIFU: To clean the entire Training Hall by sunset. [Hands Po a broom.]
PO: Huh? Aww! But Master Shifu you don't understand, I was gonna...
SHIFU: [Shifu stops at the top of the stairs.] Yes?
PO: I got nothing, so I thought I'd just trail off like that.
SHIFU: Good decision. Now, get to work and take care, this Training Hall is a hallowed and special place. [Closes the doors.]
[Po walks down towards the Jade Tortoise of Wisdom and sets his bowl of dumplings on it.]
PO: But first, a little Dragon Warrior action. [Gets into his stance and lunges at one of the Seven Swinging Clubs of Instant Oblivion.] [His hand gets stuck to it.] Stuck! The sticky dumplings! Might've made 'em a bit too sticky. [As Po pulls himself off the club, the chain supporting it snaps and he falls. He narrowly avoids getting hit by the falling club by rolling out of the way and landing on the rotating logs. The other clubs begin falling and Po quickly runs to the platform to avoid getting hit. Po jumps into the Jade Tortoise of Wisdom, causing the dumplings to fly across the room and get wedged in the gears of the rotating logs.] The dumplings! [Smoke bellows out of the mechanisms.] Oh no, the entire place. No! [The entire Training Hall falls apart and smoke envelopes Po for a while.] I broke the Training Hall, that's kinda impressive... and awful! I gotta fix this before Shifu finds out. [Po tries to get the gears turning again.] Almost... I just gotta... [He changes positions to try to turn the gears.] Here we go... feel the thunder... [He falls and lands in front of a sticky dumpling.] You! [Walks over to the sticky dumpling and picks it up.] I hope you're happy sticky dumpling! This is all your fault! [His expressions softens.] Aww, I can't stay mad at you. [Eats the dumpling] What's this? [The screen pans and reveals a wooden plank with silhouettes of Shifu and a warthog on it.] They must've made the Training Hall. That's Shifu's mark, and that's... Taotie. [Gasps] I'll get him to fix the hall.
[The scene transitions to another wooden plank with the silhouette of Taotie on it where Po arrives. He approaches a small house. He walks up to a rope in the middle of the path that's set up to cause someone to trip.]
PO: Hey someone could trip over this. [Carefully steps over a rope. Steps on a rock that activates a booby trap. A large boulder narrowly misses Po, followed by a large axe. The axe then cuts rope causing several other mechanisms to activate.] Whoa, that is so... huh. [A small ball rolls by and lands in a hole. After a few seconds a large log hits Po and brings him all the way the small house.] ...sweet! [He slams into the house creating an indentation.] Wasn't so... [Falls] ...Bad! [Lands on a circle with an X-shape on it, sits up, and lets out a sigh of relief. An arrow hits him in the neck. He pulls out the arrow, looks at it, and collapses. He opens his eyes and sees a young warthog holding a cup.] Taotie?
BIAN ZAO: Dad it's for you.
TAOTIE: What is the meaning of this?!
[Taotie hits Po with a stick several times before he blocks it.]
PO: Look, I didn't come to fight. But if it did, just so you know, I'm sorta the Dragon Warrior. You'd need more than a stick.
[Taotie activates the stick making several spinning blades come out of it. He approaches Po and makes him back down.]
PO: Yeah, that'd do it.
[End of Act 1]
[Taotie slowly puts the spinning blades towards Po.]
PO: [Whimpers in fear] Whoa, cool thingies!
TAOTIE: Care for a closer look? My own invention.
BIAN ZAO: Nobody cares dad!
PO: No, that's plenty close! Look, I wouldn't bother you but [Laughs nervously] someone needs your help.
TAOTIE: [Shuts off the spinning blades] Shifu seeks my assistance?
PO: Uh, yeah. He's like all, "Get Taotie, he's the man."
TAOTIE: That doesn't sound like Shifu.
PO: He's got a little cold. Anyway, the training hall you guys built, it's kinda... broke.
TAOTIE: [Throws the staff on the ground and throws a tantrum] What?! That equipment was built to last centuries! What kind of addlepated lummox could've broken it!
PO: No one knows. But uh, between you and me I think it was that grasshopper lookin' guy.
TAOTIE: And Shifu sent for me?
PO: You could say that, or you could say that it would be great if you fixed the hall without anyone ever finding out.
TAOTIE: Aw, now I understand.
[Bian Zao begins walking away.]
BIAN ZAO: I'm gonna take a nap. [Yawns] Wake me when you guys aren't lame. [Leaves]
TAOTIE: Please excuse my son Bian Zao, he's just learning the business.
BIAN ZAO: Lame!
PO: So will you do it; will you fix the Training Hall?
TAOTIE: Anything for my old friend Shifu.
PO: Who we're not gonna tell anything about this to.
TAOTIE: It'll be our secret.
PO: [Sighs] What a relief. If you fix it, this'll be awesome.
TAOTIE: Sounds great! Could you stand on that X again. [Po stands on the X and gets hit with an arrow, knocking him out instantly. Bian Zao comes back. Taotie picks up the spinning blade staff.] This is too perfect my son; escorted into the Jade Palace by the Dragon Warrior, right under that moron Shifu's pointy nose. [Laughs]
BIAN ZAO: I thought you said Shifu was your friend.
TAOTIE: Was my friend...
[A 2D flashback sequence begins. A younger Shifu and Taotie train in the courtyard near Oogway. They both strike a stance.]
TAOTIE (V.O.): Many years ago, Shifu and I trained at the Jade Palace.
[Shifu kicks Taotie, causing him to fall and break a tusk. However, Shifu still helps Taotie get up.]
TAOTIE (V.O.): We thought better training would do the trick [They stand in front of the written plans for the Training Hall.] so we worked side-by-side building the Training Hall; [They push up a support beam as Oogway watches.] my finest achievement.
[Shifu smiles at the creation while Taotie nearly cries tears of joy.]
TAOTIE (V.O.): But while it helped Shifu improve tremendously, [Shifu bests each of the pieces of equipment.] I was still hopeless. [Each piece of equipment bests Taotie.] I wanted to make up for my lackings, [Taotie is covered in bandages while Shifu bows to Oogway. Taotie works at building a large machine.] so I devised ingenious mechanical contrivances to compensate for my weak spots.
[Taotie puts on a pair of goggles and sits in a large mechanical warthog that shoots flames and blades.]
TAOTIE (V.O.): I was so excited to show my mechanical improvements to Oogway and Shifu. [Oogway and Shifu look at the machine with their mouths agape.] They looked at me with horror. My machines had sullied the purity of kung fu.
[Oogway and Shifu close the doors to the palace as they make Taotie leave. Taotie descends the stairs from the Jade Palace.]
TAOTIE (V.O.): Well I've got news for you: Kung Fu is outdated and useless.
[Lightning strikes, ending the flashback.]
TAOTIE: With machinery comes power. Now this lumbering mountain of black and white pudding will take me right in. Once my machines and I are victorious, the villagers will see what true power is. They'll turn their backs on Kung Fu and worship me like a god.
BIAN ZAO: I'm not going.
TAOTIE: Just come, you'll have fun. I will soon destroy all who once opposed me! [Laughs evilly]
[Po wakes up and begins laughing. He walks over to Taotie and begins laughing louder. Taotie stops laughing and Po's laughter dies down.]
PO: So you guys ready to go?
[Later at the Jade Palace, Po carries a large crate to the Training Hall. Inside the crate are Taotie and Bian Zao.]
TAOTIE: Is this really necessary?!
PO: Yes, I told you. [Po panics and drops the crate.]
[Crane and Viper approach Po.]
PO: Yikes! [He tries to make the crate seem less suspicious and ends up leaning on it awkwardly.] Hey uh, you guys look great. Been uh, workin' out?
CRANE: Uh, no, no one's been workin' out because the Training Hall's closed 'til you finish cleaning it.
PO: Oh yeah, right, and that's just what I'm gonna do with this crate [Crane and Viper exchange glances.] of giant sponges. So uh, bye!
[Po picks up the crate and runs into the Training Hall. He drops the crate in the Training Hall.]
[Taotie gets out of the crate.]
PO: Okay, now, we don't have much time so...
TAOTIE: Behold my son, my greatest... Wha'?! The Training Hall, it's ruined! [Taotie runs over to one of the fallen clubs and picks it up, caring for it as if it were alive.] Oh, it's okay, I'm here now! What did you do to it?!
BIAN ZAO: See what I've been dealing with?
[Taotie walks over to Po.]
PO: Look I told you I... Look we can go back and forth over who did what and... [Taotie scorns Po.] Okay, not so much with the back and forth, but what's important is can you fix it?!
TAOTIE: Of course. But, for a job this big I'm going to need special tools. Do you have anything of infinite power in the shape of an orb that's made of jade.
PO: No we do have the Jade Orb of Infinite Power... Oh. Ah, but that's sacred and it's only for huge emergencies!
TAOTIE: Well, what exactly would you call this?!
PO: Good point. I'll be right back, just remember to stay out of sight.
[Po leaves the Training Hall.]
TAOTIE: Soon the Jade Palace will be ours my son.
BIAN ZAO: [Sarcastically] Neat.
[Po opens up a small cabinet and retrieves the Jade Orb. Po runs through the Training Hall courtyard past Monkey who is already focused on doing pull ups. Po trips over some equipment and is left planking on it.]
MONKEY: What are you doing?
PO: Uh, wh-what're you doing? I mean uh, stop looking at my butt, I'm sensitive about it.
MONKEY: Oh, [Covers his eyes] sorry man. [He quickly peaks at Po.]
[Po gets up and continues toward the Training Hall with the Jade Orb. He gets inside and gives it to Taotie.]
PO: Uh, there you go. Now if we can just move things along in here 'cause uh, I'm kinda out of time.
TAOTIE: Certainly, just keep everyone out
PO: Right, I'm on it. [Screams. He runs towards the door and slams it as Mantis tries to enter.] Mantis! [Goes outside] Uh, what're you doing?
MANTIS: [Sighs] Drowning my sorrows in a good workout.
PO: Oh, that's a terrible idea. You know, what you should do, talk about it [Picks up Mantis.] like somewhere else and not right here. [Walks away]
MANTIS: [Sighs] I miss my girlfriend so much. Everything I look at reminds me of her, like that rock, or that butterfly.
PO: Actually that's her.
BUTTERFLY: I'm just gettin' my stuff.
MANTIS: When does it stop? The hurting! [Slouches]
PO: [Gasps as Tigress approaches the Training Hall.] Tigress! Good talk buddy I feel better bye. [Runs off. Po lands in front of Tigress and bounces, landing on her.]
TIGRESS: Get off of me! What are you doing?
PO: This is better than training on some machine right. Feel the burn.
[Tigress gets out from underneath Po.]
TIGRESS: I am going in there.
[Tigress begins walking towards the hall but Po quickly stops her.]
PO: Why? Because you're scared of me.
TIGRESS: I'm scared of nothing.
PO: How 'bout now. [Po growls and roars.] Or now. [Po makes a stupid face and sticks out his tongue.] Or now. [Laughs wickedly]
TIGRESS: I am not scared of you.
PO: Yes you are. Scaredy cat, scaredy cat, scaredy [Po runs out of the courtyard as Tigress chases him.] caaaat!
TIGRESS: Po! Po.
[Po peaks down from the over hang revealing that he hid and did not run off.]
PO: Shifu! [Jumps in front of the doors to the Training Hall.] Oh uh, Sup' Fu, I mean Shi. See how I did that backwards, Fu. [Laughs nervously]
SHIFU: I want to see how the Training Hall is coming along.
[Po blocks the doors.]
PO: I want it to be a surprise.
SHIFU: I don't like surprises.
PO: Really, because I'm doing some stuff with floor wax that will really blow your mind.
SHIFU: [Looks at Po suspiciously.] What are you hiding from me panda?
PO: Uh, nothing, what makes you think I'm hiding anything...
[Tigress tackles Po and pins him. The rest of the Furious Five now show up.]
TIGRESS: Thought I wouldn't find you huh?
MONKEY: You're not sensitive about your butt.
VIPER: Giant sponges aren't heavy.
CRANE: You've been acting weird all day.
MANTIS: Are you dating my girlfriend?!
PO: You guys must be crazy because I don't know what you're talking about.
[The door to the Training Hall burst open. Po, Shifu, and the five land on the other side of the courtyard. A large machine reveals itself when the dust settles. Taotie and Bian Zao sit in it.]
TIGRESS: What is that?!
PO: The Training Hall.
SHIFU: And who is that?
TAOTIE: Hello Shifu, my old friend!
[End of Act 2]
[The large machine wields large weapons and holds them high.]
SHIFU: How did this happen? How did he get in here?
TAOTIE: Oh, it was quite simple Shifu; your Dragon Warrior showed us right in.
[Po smiles nervously and does a stopping motion towards Taotie. Shifu and the five all direct there attention toward Po with a look of anger. Taotie laughs.]
PO: Yeah, 'bout that, I kinda got some sticky dumplings stuck in the training machine which then went all like crash boom and then I found Taotie to fix and then he bla bla bla bla bla made that!
SHIFU: You're responsible for all of this?!
PO: No! Yes, but I-I thought you and Taotie were friends.
SHIFU: We were once; until he abandoned kung fu when his heart turned dark.
PO: Oh uh, would've been good to know.
[Shifu growls and face palms. Po cringes.]
SHIFU: I'm very angry with you panda, so angry I can't even think of a punishment harsh enough.
[Taotie pulls a lever on the machine causing a large hammer to smash Po into the ground.]
SHIFU: That's good enough. Everyone, positions.
[The five all get into fighting positions. Po begins climbing out of the hole.]
PO: Yeah, we can do it! We can take this thing down!
SHIFU: Po, I gave you a broom and this happened. Do you think I'm going to let you fight?!
MANTIS: Yeah, maybe you sit this one out.
TIGRESS: Haven't you done enough?
MONKEY: As the wise men say, "Get the heck out!"
TIGRESS: We don't want your help!
[Po gives up on trying to help and runs away.]
TAOTIE: Look at that Shifu, all your precious training running away. You'll never see a machine do that.
SHIFU: And you'll never see a machine do this.
[Shifu knocks his staff on the ground. Tigress rushes at the Kung Fu invention. Taotie pulls a lever making a spiked metal ball hit Tigress. Tigress clings on to the ball and lets it fling her up into the air. She then comes down on the ball with a hit and breaks it off. Crane swoops toward the machine. Taotie controls the machine so that it hits the spiked ball into the air, narrowly missing Crane. As Crane approaches, the machine lifts its weapon which is topped with a large stone. Crane kicks through the stone. Monkey throws Viper at the machine. Viper coils around one of the weapons, breaking the other spiked ball off. Monkey then charges at the machine making his way up it and breaking another one of its weapons. Meanwhile, Po sits in the dining room with the battle shaking the place.]
PO: Oh gah, this is torture! [Sighs] I'm an idiot, all this mess just because of some stupid dumplings. [Looks to a bowl of dumplings and his eyes widen.]
[Taotie sits in the machine laughing and using every weapon that's still left on the machine. The five move narrowly avoid being hit by the wooden serpent heads. Tigress runs at the machine dodging ropes along the way, then one hits her and ties her up. The machine fires a multitude of arrows at Crane. Crane deflects them all but is bested when a net hits him and ties him up. Monkey does at flying kick at the machine. The machine shoots out a chain which grabs Monkey and throws him out of the fight. The machine shoots many throwing stars at Viper, who is quick to dodge them. The machine then fires a trap at Viper and takes her out of the fight. Mantis at the machine and clings on to a blade. The machine fires off the blade, throwing Mantis.]
MANTIS: Bad idea!
[Shifu looks at the machine. Taotie looks at Shifu with a dull expression. Shifu takes a fighting stance. The machine shoots throwing stars at Shifu, which he repels with his staff. The machine then shoots a large blade at Shifu, which he diverts by letting slide just above him and pushing it. Then the machine blows fire and shoots a chain. Shifu jumps out of the way of the fire and chain but has to quickly jump into the air to avoid being grabbed by the serpent head. The serpent head still grabs Shifu and he drops his staff. Taotie suspends Shifu in front of him.]
TAOTIE: So Shifu, ready to admit that machinery is more powerful than your old fashioned kung fu?!
SHIFU: Machinery will never be more powerful because it has no heart.
TAOTIE: And soon neither will you!
[The machine releases Shifu into another serpentine head, which begins trying to crush him. Shifu struggles to keep the jaws open. Taotie laughs wickedly.]
PO: Surrender Taotie!
[Po shows up with a wok on his head.]
TAOTIE: Ha! Your panda style is no match for my mechanical marvel!
PO: It is you who is no match for this. [Pulls out a bowl of dumplings.]
PO: Sticky dumpling style. [Gets into a stance with chopsticks and the dumplings.]
[The machine fire a flock of arrows into the air that start coming down towards Po. Po kicks the wok into the air clearing a group of the arrows and making then land around him. Taotie is stunned but continues attacking. Next, the Seven-Taloned Rings roll out towards Po, barely missing him. Po jumps into the air and throws some dumplings into the machine, with no effect. The machine then shoots a chain at Po nearly making him lose his chopsticks and the dumplings. With the chopsticks in his mouth and the bowl on his head the machine begins pulling him. Po is able to grab the chains and whip them out of their socket. The machine then shoots fire at Po, which he ducks under. Po uses the fire to cook a dumpling and eat it he then quickly dodges two throwing stars.]
PO: Come on sticky dumplings, do your thing. [Throws several dumplings at the machine.]
[A serpent head seemingly smashes Po and dust flies everywhere. Taotie laughs triumphantly. The dust settles and Po comes running towards the machine. He throws a dumpling and climbs up the machine.]
PO: Shifu! [Grabs Shifu]
[Taotie pulls a sticky dumpling off of his snout and turns back to the fight. Po and Shifu stand ready to fight. Po feels around for a dumpling and realizes he doesn't have any left. The machine approaches them and slams down a large axe. Po is able to grab the axe blade and keep it from coming down.]
TAOTIE: Thought you could beat me with dumplings?!
[The dumplings get into the gears on the machine and begin damaging it.]
TAOTIE: What's happening?! Crank harder.
BIAN ZAO: You crank harder.
[The axe lifts up from Po and the machine falls apart. Taotie and Bian Zao are left on a wooden platform with Taotie holding the Jade Orb of Infinite Power.]
PO: You fellows wanna come down and try your luck mano-a-mano, without hiding behind your machines.
[The wooden platform breaks and Taotie and Bian Zao fall. The Jade Orb rolls toward Po and Shifu. Taotie emerges from the rubble with his spinning blade staff. Po and Shifu get ready to fight.]
TAOTIE: Not really. [Grabs Bian Zao by the tail and uses the blade staff as a flying machine to get away.] We'll be back for the palace some day, and then you'll see the awesome power of my inventions and... [The spinning blades slow down.] Wha? Did you oil these blades like I asked you to.
BIAN ZAO: Blades are stupid.
[Taotie and Bian Zao scream and fall, hitting the ground hard.]
PO: They're getting away! [Begins running towards the impact sight.]
SHIFU: Let them go panda; we'll send them the bill.
PO: Shifu, sorry for...
PO: Well, I don't know about everything, but... a lot.
SHIFU: Po, I must admit that you did a good job defending us. So good, that I have one more job for the Dragon Warrior.
PO: Yeah? Bring it!
[Shifu pulls out a broom, to which Po whimpers but proceeds to accepting. Later that night Po and Mantis eat sticky dumplings in the dining room.]
PO: More sticky dumplings Mantis?
MANTIS: Oh, don't mind if I do.
PO: So, you seem to be feelin' better.
MANTIS: I'm doin' great!
PO: Good, 'cause you know what? You really too good for her, I mean nobody really liked her.
MANTIS: Yeah, we actually got back together.
PO: She's lovely, nice lady. Best to you both.
[End of Act 3]
[End of Transcript]