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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "The Midnight Stranger" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Doug Langdale. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
PO: But I'm innocent!
HU: So you didn't use kung fu without a permit?
PO: Umm... [Po has a flashback of himself fighting some pig bandits with his kung fu skills] Yeaybe... But they were bandits robbing an old lady!
HU: You know the procedure Po. If you want to use kung fu come to me. I send a letter to district HQ and quick as a wink you have your permit.
PO: Don't you think the bandits might have you know, gotten away by then?!
HU: In the last month, you and the Furious Five have illegally used kung fu [Pulls out a scroll and reads it.] four hundred and forty seven times! That I know of...
PO: Really? That's a lot of- [He is interrupted by Hu.]
HU: This is why I have no choice but to ban kung fu completely!
[Scene remains the same but set later on and the Furious Five have now entered Hu's office. Po is now out of the prison cell.]
HU: Effective immediately, kung fu is outlawed!
FURIOUS FIVE: What?
HU: Kung-fu is outlawed!
[Scene changes to outside Hu's office where some pig bandits are stealing money from villagers. They overhear Hu saying kung fu is outlawed.]
PIG BANDIT: What? Kung fu is outlawed. Did you hear that? Kung fu is outlawed.
[The pig bandits cheer and run away with the money they had stolen.]
[Scene changes back to Hu, with Po and the Furious Five in Hu's office.]
VIPER: That's crazy.
TIGRESS: You can't do that!
HU: I can! The imperial emblem gives me the authority to make laws. If I see any of you doing any kung fu at all, you'll be in Chorh-Gom Prison faster than you can say plum pudding platter. [Scene changes to Po and the Five leaving Hu's office then standing outside while he says his last words of his speech to them.] I'm releasing Po into your custody.
HU: I said run along! [Hu shuts the door to his office. Po and the Five pause for a moment.]
CRANE: No you didn't!
[Scene changes to the Student Barracks kitchen where Po and the Furious Five are unhappy about Hu's decision to outlaw kung fu.]
TIGRESS: [While pacing across the kitchen.] What are we gonna do? I can't not do kung fu, it's who I am.
PO: [While eating dumplings very quickly.] Uh, I can't wait! Look at me, I'm doing that nervous eating thing again.
MANTIS: You must get nervous a lot!
PO: Aww man! I've gotta go for a walk! [Grabs the bowl of dumplings just as Mantis was about to get one.] Still nervous.
[Scene changes to Po walking in the village.]
PO: It's ok, it's ok. Shifu will be back in a week and he'll take care of this. I mean, come on. It's not like I really need to do kung fu. [Suddenly Po hears a scream from a near-by home.] Uh, but I might kinda have to.
[Po looks in and sees a pig lady being threatened by three big bandits.]
PIG BANDIT: You gotta have more money than this! Where's the rest of it?!
PO: Gotta do something. But if Constable Hu sees me use kung fu... [Po looks around for an idea, when he spots an armor suit.] But what if he didn't see me.
PIG BANDIT: Give us the money or [two of the bandits surround the pig lady and hold their spears close to her.] you're gonna tell me where the rest of the money is, one way or another! [Suddenly, one of the pig bandits is snatched into the air] Jeng? [Then the second is pulled away] Yao Lin? [The remaining pig bandit backs away slowly, he turns around and looks with fear.]
PO: [Who is now in the armor protecting his identity, he is holding the other two unconscious pig bandits. He speaks with a different tone of voice.] Looking for these? [He throws them down and grabs the remaining pig bandit.]
PIG BANDIT: Who are you?
PO: [Still speaking in the deeper tone of voice] Your worst nightmare! [He chokes the pig bandit to make him unconscious and throws him down and talks to the pig lady.] Are you ok?
PIG LADY: I know who you are.
PO: What? No you don't! Cuz' I'm not anyone for you to know who it is that I'm not.
PIG LADY: You're the midnight stranger, but I thought you were only a legend.
PO: The midnight stranger [Talking quietly to himself.] Hmm, I've never heard of me. I mean uh, see ya! I should probably take these guys with me too. [Po drags the unconscious pig bandits away].
[Scene changes to constable Hu singing to himself in his office. He turns around to find the three pig bandits in the cell and falls out of his chair.]
HU: What the dickens are you doing?
PIG BANDIT: Some mass nutcase put us in here.
HU: What? That's not proper procedure! Just let me unlock the-[Hu attempts to open the door of the cell but one of the pig bandits pulls the door shut again]
PIG BANDIT: Are you crazy? He might still be out there.
[Scene changes to Po asleep in his old bedroom above his father's noodle shop. A bag with the armor he wore is at the bottom of the bed. Mr. Ping enters.]
PO: No I just uh, well, yeah. Hey dad, have you ever heard of the Midnight Stranger?
MR. PING: Sure, it was a fable people used to tell their kids. You mean I never told you the story, well...
[Start of flashback.]
[Mr Ping narrates the story of the Midnight Stranger to Po as it is shown.]
MR. PING (V.O.): Long ago, there was a village that was overrun with bandits. Things got so bad that the bandits started robbing thieves and the thieves started robbing robbers and that's when the Midnight Stranger appeared. He came only at night. His strength was so great that no one could stand against him. Before long, the Midnight Stranger had rid the village of crime. His work done, he vanished as mysteriously as he appeared.
[End of flashback.]
MR. PING: I can't believe some people really believe that old story [Mr. Ping walks away.]
PO: Someone saw him last night.
[Mr. Ping leaps at Po.]
MR. PING: I knew he was real! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! They said he was a myth but I never believed them [Mr. Ping gets some items to show Po.] He was my hero. Here is my Midnight Stranger commemorative plate, my Midnight Stranger ceramic figurine, my Midnight Stranger Mahjong set and look, I made my very own Midnight Stranger mask out of a melon. A melon! I'm so excited he's real. Maybe I'll change the name of the place to Midnight Stranger noodle shop!
[Meanwhile Po picks up the sack with the Midnight Stranger armor in.]
MR. PING: Hey, what's in the sack?
PO: Uh, laundry. [As he picks the sack up the metal clamps together.] It's... really dirty.
[Scene changes to Po walking through the village back to the Jade Palace with the sack over his shoulder. Po hears the villagers talking about the sighting of the Midnight Stranger.]
BUNNY VILLAGER 1: They say the Midnight Stranger stopped a robbery last night.
MRS. YOON: I hear he's 10 feet tall!
BUNNY CHILD: I hear he can fly!
APPLE CART DUCK: I hear he smells like fresh cherries.
BUNNY VILLAGER 2: Do you think he'll be back?
[Po slides into an alley way and looks into the sack containing the armor.]
PO: Oh yeah, he'll be back.
[Scene changes to the Jade Palace kitchen, Po enters to talk to the Furious Five.]
PO: Morning all. Hey, how about that Midnight Stranger huh?
MANTIS: You mean that masked idiot who was kung fu-ing it up in town last night?
PO: Yeah I... wait, you don't think he's kind of a good thing?
MONKEY: A nut job who roams around randomly beating people up?... No.
CRANE: And you just know we're gonna get blamed for what ever trouble he causes.
VIPER: And he wears a mask, so tacky!
MANTIS: You know what, I bet this guy is just another bandit trying to get rid of the competition.
PO: What? He is not. I mean uh... he's probably trying to help. He's probably...
[Po is interrupted by a day-dreaming Tigress.]
TIGRESS: A prerogative handsome lone wolf. Living by his own rules, answering to no one. Waiting only for his true love to come along and tame his unbridled-
[Tigress stops, realizing what she's saying in front of Po and the rest of the five. They all look at her surprised.]
TIGRESS: I'm gonna go and work out... [She leaves, the others still surprised at what she just said.]
[Scene changes to night time in the village where Po is dressed up as the Midnight Stranger and is standing on a building.]
PO: Despite the nay-saying of a few jealous peers, [Po puts on the Midnight Stranger helmet] the midnight stranger stalks the night, [He leaps onto another building] leaping from buildings, [he crouches on the edge of the building] perching on ledges. His thirst for justice equaled only by his thirst for something... um... thirst, um... quenching.
[He hears a cry for help.]
[He sees a goose being threatened by a pig bandit.]
PIG BANDIT: Hand over your money!
[The goose gives the pig bandit a bag of money, but Po drops a bucket on the pig bandit's head and knocks him out. He gives the goose his bag of money back.]
GOOSE VILLAGER: Thank you midnight stranger.
[Constable Hu walks around the corner and spots Po in the midnight stranger suit.]
HU: Hold it right there scofflaw!
[Hu tries to run at Po in order to catch him but Po throws the unconscious pig bandit at him which knocks Hu down.]
PO: Sorry Constable, but if you want to talk to me you'll need to apply to district HQ for a permit.
[Po runs off and leaps onto a nearby building.]
HU: Who do you think you are?
PO: The stranger... the midnight stranger.
[Po continues on his way, jumping from building to building. Hu is angered.]
[The next night and Po is again in the village dressed as the midnight stranger, looking out for crime. He spots another pig bandit robbing a bunny villager. Po quickly takes care of this and returns the money to the bunny.]
BUNNY VILLAGER: How can I ever repay you?
[Po hears Constable Hu coming.]
HU: Hold it right there midnight stranger!
PO: You can put your foot, right about [he positions the bunny's foot] here. [Po runs off.]
HU: Stop right-- [he trips over the bunny's foot] Curse you midnight stranger! Curse you! And stop!
PO: Stop? [He chuckles.] I'm just getting started.
[Later that same night, Po still searching for bandits in the village.]
PO: Who's next? [Po hears a cry for help and recognizes Mr. Ping's voice.] Dad!
[Po jumps into the scene to find a pig bandit threatening Mr. Ping.]
MR. PING: You are real! I knew it, I knew it!
PO: Prepare for your meeting, with the midnight stranger!
[Po turns around to find pig bandits with crossbows aimed at him. He stands to engage in battle.]
[End of Act 1]
[The episode continues with Po looking around the bandits that surround him.]
Mr. Ping: So glad you're here. Look at my Midnight Stranger salt and pepper shakers! My Midnight Stranger tea cozy!
Po: Not now, Da— Uh, citizen.
Bandit #1: Fire!
[Po dodges the bandits’ attacks, but more of Mr. Ping’s shop gets damaged as the fight continues.]
Mr. Ping: Oh! My needlepoint wall hanging! Stop! [smacks Po’s head] Stop it!
Po: Ow! [The bandits escape.] What are you— They're getting away!
Mr. Ping: Good!
Po: But, I stopped the robbery.
Mr. Ping: If they robbed me, they would have gotten the fifty three yuan in my cashbox. But instead, they wrecked my shop and all my memorabilia. And it's all thanks to you!
Po: Uhh… you're welcome?
Mr. Ping: You're not the real Midnight Stranger! You're just some cheap imitator! Midnight Faker! Take that mask off. Take it off!
Po: I— [Mr. Ping swings at him with his cashbox.] Nyah! [runs away]
Mr. Ping: [cries] Stupid, fake, Midnight Stranger.
Po: [watches Mr. Ping from the roof] Way to go, Po.
[The scene cuts to two bandits in a bamboo forest, limping after their escape from Po.]
Bandit #2: This Midnight Stranger's too much for us. We gotta do something about him.
Bandit #3: Don't worry about it. I know someone we can talk to. Someone who will take care of that Midnight Stranger for good.
Bandit #2: Ooh, uh, like a, like a nanny?
Bandit #3: No! You— [facepalms] I'll go get him.
[The scene cuts to Po walking to Mr. Ping’s noodle shop. Before he goes in, he hides the armor sack behind a wall.]
Po: Uh, whatcha doing?
Mr. Ping: [sweeping] Oh, making sure that Midnight Menace doesn't come back and wreck more of my things. Just look at this place. Oh-ho-ho.
Po: Uh, Dad. About the other day… Um, oh, this is hard, but you need to know that I'm—
Mr. Ping: The Midnight Stranger was my idol! Now some two-bit imitator comes and destroys my shop. I despise him. I detest him! I really don't like that guy! So, you're going to tell me that you're the what?
Po: I'm the… guy who's here to help you fix up the shop?
Mr. Ping: [cries] Later, Po. I just can't bear to look at my broken treasures. Just leave me alone. All that's left is my melon mask.
Po: Dad, I can—
Mr. Ping: Go! [Po leaves.] You know what? This town needs a real Midnight Stranger. [wears melon mask]
[The scene cuts to Po wandering around the Valley while carrying the armor sack.]
Po: Gah! This is getting complicated. Constable Hu is chasing me, my dad is all mad at me that he doesn't know is me, and— [sees Tigress awkwardly posing on a wall] Tigress? What are you doing here?
Tigress: Oh, um, you know, I just thought I'd see if, uh, maybe the Midnight Stranger was around. Maybe he needs some help or he's just—
Po: Are you wearing perfume?
Tigress: No! Of course not. Maybe a little. I'm gonna go work out. [walks away]
Po: Oh, man. I wanna tell her so bad, it's like I gotta pee!
Hu: Po! The very fellow I've been looking for. Now, listen. Umm, how would you like the opportunity to, uh… [moves himself and Po to a quiet corner]
Po: To do what?
Po: [whispers] To do what?
Hu: [whispers] Do a little Kung Fu.
Po: What? You outlawed—
Hu: I know, I know, I know. But I'll let you use Kung Fu on… the Midnight Stranger.
Po: Uh, that's, uh, gonna be— I…
Hu: What? Do you not hate and despise the Midnight Stranger?
Po: What? Yes. I mean, I—
Hu: Are you secretly working with him?
Po: Of course not!
Hu: Good. It's settled then. Drink lots of green tea and meet me in the trash heap behind the apple cart. [walks away]
Po: This is ridiculous! Now I have to stake out myself? It's over. No more Midnight Stranger. What was I thinking? [deepens voice to mimic his Midnight Stranger side] You weren't. [relaxes voice] Thanks, I know. [The scene cuts to Po meeting up with Hu at night.] So, it's a twenty four hour apple cart?
Hu: The sun never sets on good nutrition.
Po: Yeah, well, I think you can relax. I have a feeling it's going to be a long, Midnight Stranger-free night.
Bandit #4: [off-screen] Let's go, duck! Hand over your money!
Po: A bandit! [As Po is about to go help a villager, Hu stops him by grabbing Po’s shoulder.] What are you doing?
Hu: We wait!
Villager #9: Help! Help! Help!
Bandit #4: Shut your beak and give me your money.
Po: [struggles] Hey! I—
Hu: We wait for the Midnight Stranger!
Po: The Midnight— He's not going to show!
Hu: How do you know?
Mr. Ping: [off-screen] Freeze, evildoer! [knocks out Bandit #4]
Hu: The Midnight Stranger!
Mr. Ping: Take a wok, miscreant!
Hu: Ha! Hold it right there, Midnight Stranger.
Po: Wait, no! He's—
Hu: [takes off melon mask] Mr. Ping!
Mr. Ping: No one ever suspects the goose.
Po: Good thing we saved him, huh?
Hu: Saved him? You mean caught him! [chains Mr. Ping]
Mr. Ping: What?!
Hu: You are going to prison for a long time, boyo!
[End of Act 2]
[The episode continues with Hu pulling Mr. Ping by his chained neck.]
Hu: Come along, Ping. It's Chor Ghom Prison for you.
Po: Constable Hu, that's my dad! He's not the one you want.
Hu: Then who is?
Po: Uh, well…
Hu: Because without substantial proof, your father is going to be spending the rest of his life in prison!
Mr. Ping: Yeah, show me that faker!
Po: Uhh… ahh… umm… [points at a random direction] Look! It's the real Midnight Stranger!
Hu: What? Where?
Po: Wait here. I'll get him. [walks behind a wall, where his armor sack is resting] I—I have you now, Midnight Stranger! [hits himself] Oh, no! Ooh! Ow! No more hitting! Ow! I am unconscious. [leaps out from behind the wall with the armor equipped and deepens his voice] Unhand that impostor! It is I you want! [Mr. Ping smacks Po’s head.] Hey!
Mr. Ping: I'll rip his arms off!
Po: Careful, citizen. I don't want to— [Mr. Ping smacks him again.] Aah! Hey, cut it out, citizen!
Hu: See here, Ping.
Mr. Ping: Oh, let me at him. [smacks Po repeatedly] Take that!
Mr. Ping: Dream squasher! Take that!
Mr. Ping: Take that!
Mr. Ping: Take that! Take that!
Po: [relaxes voice] What are you doing? Please! [Mr. Ping smacks Po.] Don't! Dad!
Mr. Ping: Dad? [Po removes his helmet.] You! No, you?! Son, you were the Midnight Stranger all along?
Po: I was just trying to do what's right. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. You were so mad, and—
Mr. Ping: Po, you and your lying face almost got me sent to the big house! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go repair the damage to my shop! [walks away]
Po: Sorry, Constable Hu. I just—
Hu: [arrests Po] Made it easy for me.
Po: What are you doing?
Hu: Keeping the peace.
Hu: Lucky for you, I'm not a violent man.
Bandit #5: [appears with other bandits] I'm afraid his luck… just ran out.
Hu: What the donkey?
Bandit #6: Get over here, Hu.
Hu: Why? So you can thrash me with your hickory stick?
Bandit #6: What? No! We like you. You're on our side.
Bandit #6: Outlawing Kung Fu was a master stroke!
Hu: It—it was?
Bandit #6: Yes, sir. You're the best thing that happened to us. Big fans.
Hu: Ohh, what have I done?
Bandit #6: So the Midnight Stranger and the Dragon Warrior are the same guy, huh?
Bandit #5: Guess we'll get rid of both of 'em at once.
Po: Guys. Even handcuffed, you know I can kick your butts.
Bandit #5: That's why we brought our little friend.
[Suddenly, the ground shakes as a large figure walks up to Po.]
Lidong: He said little, ironically.
Po: Yeah, figured that out. [As Po and Lidong fight, Hu is surrounded by bandits. For a moment, Po knocks down Lidong.] Who's your Dragon Midnight Warrior Stranger now, huh? Me, that's— [Lidong bearhugs Po.] Haven't you ever heard of personal space? [Suddenly, a cracking noise is heard. Handcuffs drop from Po.]
Lidong: What the—
Po: I think you broke my handcuffs. Shakabooey! [knocks Lidong unconscious] Who's next? Kyah! [defeats some bandits]
Hu: So I'm the best thing that ever happened to you, eh? Well, now I'm the worst! [defeats some bandits]
Po: I got it, Constable. Seriously. Under control. [Hu defeats more bandits.] Heh, nicely done. But, don't you kinda need a permit to do that?
Hu: Blast the permit, Po. Let's thrash these blaggards!
Po: Yes, sir! [Suddenly, Lidong slams Po on the ground repeatedly.] Ohh, starting now… Ow! Stop! Slamming! Don't! Head! Ow!
Hu: [to Lidong] Hoodlum! Face the hammer of justice! [leaps high into the air]
Po: [slams Lidong on the ground] Now it's time for— [hears Hu’s battle cry and looks up] Oh no.
[Hu lands on Po and Lidong, causing the valley to shake.]
Hu: [to Lidong] You, sir, are under arrest. [to bandits] And, in the morning, it's Chor Ghom Prison for the lot of you.
[Hu hears a grunt and then turns over Lidong’s body. Po climbs out of a hole.]
Po: So I guess you're lifting the ban on Kung Fu? Maybe? Pretty please?
Hu: Consider it lifted.
Hu: But, you'll still need to get a permit.
Hu: I don't have the authority to change that. Then we'd have to fill out certain—
Viper: Is everyone okay?
Monkey: What's going on?
Tigress: Oh, it's the Midnight Str— [Po turns around to look at Tigress.] Aah! It's Po? I'm gonna go—
The Four: Work out.
Tigress: No, throw up. [walks away]
[Suddenly, Mr. Ping appears with his melon mask.]
Po: Dad. Hey, look I'm—I'm really sorry about, well, everything.
Mr. Ping: It's okay, Po. You're still the best son a father could ask for.
Po: [smiles] I was— [Mr. Ping throws a wok at Po’s face.]
Mr. Ping: But leave that hero stuff to me! [flies off] Long live the Midnight Stranger! Woohoo!
Po: Oh, good.
[End of Act 3]
[End of transcript]